punkystarshine's review against another edition
5.0
I loved the memoir bits of this so much, such great slice-of-life writing, dabbled with lines and paragraphs that were practically poetry. Chapter 6, F/F, was my favorite, having been raised in fandom as well.
ashwolff's review against another edition
4.0
Definitely on the more academic side than memoir, with long chapters about tne history of religion and religion driven movements in America. However, the actual memoir parts were relatable and interesting.
jmk1447's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
medium-paced
5.0
This book is so good, a light in the darkness for folks who grew up queer in conservative Christian spaces. So so good and life changing.
hannahb21's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
One of my top books of the year for sure. Kadlec is insightful, empathetic, and one hell of a storyteller.
hannahrose_99's review against another edition
5.0
A book hasn’t made me think in a long time as much as this one had. Such good commentary on the Midwest, particularly Iowa, in connection with religion and queerness. My religious upbringing certainly wasn’t as strict as the writer’s, but a lot of it connected with me. I also felt very seen in her journey in coming to terms with being a lesbian. Also made me think a lot about the ways in which spirituality exists in my life now in the absence of religion. Much to unpack and made me want to write through my own experiences.
dusktreader's review
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
It took me awhile to get into this one (maybe because the experience of being raised evangelical is so far from my own), but the last half, where the author finds her new life and reflects on queerness and making meaning for yourself and community really resonated for me and is written beautifully. The chapter on her unrequited love for a woman who she was in a not-quite-relationship with is gutting. Overall, very glad I read it.
rachelb36's review against another edition
1.0
My biggest complaint about this book is the author’s conflation of evangelicalism with fundamentalism with far-right politics (specifically, Republican stances). She states before even beginning the book that “for simplicity’s sake,” she’ll “use ‘evangelical’ as shorthand for contemporary evangelicalism and fundamentalism both.” But these terms are, in fact, not interchangeable. And the book goes downhill from there.
Kadlec’s tone is full of hatred and bitterness. She uses a lot of manipulative language to support her own biases. It seemed to me that she had much more emotional processing and healing to do and that, quite frankly, she wasn’t ready to write this book.
The writing style feels very disorganized – almost like this was her first draft, just dumping out everything inside her. This made it really difficult to read. The author didn’t appear to know what she wanted to write, since this comes across as part memoir, part history, part social commentary. I think if it had been only a memoir, it would have been a lot better – but the combination she chose just didn’t work for me.
Kadlec was one of those unfortunate souls to grow up in an abusive household, and an abusive, legalistic church. Instead of acknowledging that hers was simply one experience, she groups all those who identify as Christians together – without allowing for any nuance in the experiences of the vast majority. Interestingly, she briefly offers grace to her mother, stating that “people are complicated.” But only people she knows and loves, apparently. For the rest, she only has rage.
The author lays all the blame for deteriorated relationships with her Christian friends on them – supposedly they just couldn’t handle her being gay. But if this book is any indication of how she communicates, it seems apparent why she lost a few friends along the way. Why would anyone want to sit around and listen to her spewing hatred for everything they still believe in, or rage at them, and judge them, for not changing their beliefs the way she has? Not to mention, all of this happened in her 20s, which is when friendships and lives change a lot, anyway. (According to Shasta Nelson, author of [b:Friendships Don't Just Happen!|15807356|Friendships Don't Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends|Shasta Nelson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1344733451l/15807356._SY75_.jpg|21531844], a woman loses half of her friends every seven years, on average.)
Kadlec claims that the Church is just a front for the power-hungry, white supremacist patriarchy – and she repeatedly throws these hot-button words around when they don’t even apply.
I thought it was kind of ironic when, at one point, she complained that she didn’t grow up going on family vacations, and that she’s “still” never been on an airplane with her parents. There are so many people this applies to, and it’s honestly just not a big deal. Especially not when she clearly grew up with plenty of the “privilege” that she’s supposedly against.
At one point, she finally said something I agreed with – that a good education doesn’t equal liberal morality – but even then, the surrounding paragraphs were so jumbled, I couldn’t quite understand why she bothered to bring it up. In the same breath, she was touching on religion, which she thinks is okay if it’s animistic or “indigenous,” but apparently Christianity is the result of evil colonization, so that doesn’t count. Then in a separate part of the book, she mocks those who believe in “an invisible sky god.” (Never mind the fact that no one is born believing something, that everyone is taught by others, no matter where they were born or where they live now.)
I actually found it pretty interesting that in leaving her extreme right, devout religious beliefs and stances behind, she then turned to the very opposite – extreme left-leaning politics, including the LGBTQ+ community. It seems to me that when many are used to extremities, there is no moving to the middle of the road, for some reason. The opposite example (moving from the extreme left, LGBTQ+ community, etc. to an extremely devout, somewhat legalistic Christianity), is shown in Rosaria Champagne Butterfield’s memoir, [b:The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert|14741290|The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert An English Professor's Journey Into Christian Faith|Rosaria Champagne Butterfield|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1338618544l/14741290._SY75_.jpg|20388116].
Another interesting facet for me was seeing how supposedly devout Kadlec was in her Christian faith, yet seeing her lack of understanding that salvation is by grace alone, and her stubborn resistance to surrender. She states over and over again that she cannot stand the words “submission” or “surrender,” particularly when she was talking about her relationship with her ex-husband. But Christians are called, first and foremost, to surrender the personal, sinful human will and exchange it for Christ’s perfect, submissive will. Christ was submissive to the Father God, and Christians are to submit to the Father God, as well. Kadlec just couldn’t bring herself to do that, yet she’s convinced that she was very “faithful” – equating faithfulness with obedience to the Ten Commandments, etc. and seemingly ignoring that God sees our hearts.
Note: There are a few scenes that are quite sexually graphic, and the author uses a lot of profanity. There are also spoilers for a couple of classic books, which is a pet peeve of mine.
I received a free ARC through a Goodreads First Reads giveaway!
Kadlec’s tone is full of hatred and bitterness. She uses a lot of manipulative language to support her own biases. It seemed to me that she had much more emotional processing and healing to do and that, quite frankly, she wasn’t ready to write this book.
The writing style feels very disorganized – almost like this was her first draft, just dumping out everything inside her. This made it really difficult to read. The author didn’t appear to know what she wanted to write, since this comes across as part memoir, part history, part social commentary. I think if it had been only a memoir, it would have been a lot better – but the combination she chose just didn’t work for me.
Kadlec was one of those unfortunate souls to grow up in an abusive household, and an abusive, legalistic church. Instead of acknowledging that hers was simply one experience, she groups all those who identify as Christians together – without allowing for any nuance in the experiences of the vast majority. Interestingly, she briefly offers grace to her mother, stating that “people are complicated.” But only people she knows and loves, apparently. For the rest, she only has rage.
The author lays all the blame for deteriorated relationships with her Christian friends on them – supposedly they just couldn’t handle her being gay. But if this book is any indication of how she communicates, it seems apparent why she lost a few friends along the way. Why would anyone want to sit around and listen to her spewing hatred for everything they still believe in, or rage at them, and judge them, for not changing their beliefs the way she has? Not to mention, all of this happened in her 20s, which is when friendships and lives change a lot, anyway. (According to Shasta Nelson, author of [b:Friendships Don't Just Happen!|15807356|Friendships Don't Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends|Shasta Nelson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1344733451l/15807356._SY75_.jpg|21531844], a woman loses half of her friends every seven years, on average.)
Kadlec claims that the Church is just a front for the power-hungry, white supremacist patriarchy – and she repeatedly throws these hot-button words around when they don’t even apply.
I thought it was kind of ironic when, at one point, she complained that she didn’t grow up going on family vacations, and that she’s “still” never been on an airplane with her parents. There are so many people this applies to, and it’s honestly just not a big deal. Especially not when she clearly grew up with plenty of the “privilege” that she’s supposedly against.
At one point, she finally said something I agreed with – that a good education doesn’t equal liberal morality – but even then, the surrounding paragraphs were so jumbled, I couldn’t quite understand why she bothered to bring it up. In the same breath, she was touching on religion, which she thinks is okay if it’s animistic or “indigenous,” but apparently Christianity is the result of evil colonization, so that doesn’t count. Then in a separate part of the book, she mocks those who believe in “an invisible sky god.” (Never mind the fact that no one is born believing something, that everyone is taught by others, no matter where they were born or where they live now.)
I actually found it pretty interesting that in leaving her extreme right, devout religious beliefs and stances behind, she then turned to the very opposite – extreme left-leaning politics, including the LGBTQ+ community. It seems to me that when many are used to extremities, there is no moving to the middle of the road, for some reason. The opposite example (moving from the extreme left, LGBTQ+ community, etc. to an extremely devout, somewhat legalistic Christianity), is shown in Rosaria Champagne Butterfield’s memoir, [b:The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert|14741290|The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert An English Professor's Journey Into Christian Faith|Rosaria Champagne Butterfield|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1338618544l/14741290._SY75_.jpg|20388116].
Another interesting facet for me was seeing how supposedly devout Kadlec was in her Christian faith, yet seeing her lack of understanding that salvation is by grace alone, and her stubborn resistance to surrender. She states over and over again that she cannot stand the words “submission” or “surrender,” particularly when she was talking about her relationship with her ex-husband. But Christians are called, first and foremost, to surrender the personal, sinful human will and exchange it for Christ’s perfect, submissive will. Christ was submissive to the Father God, and Christians are to submit to the Father God, as well. Kadlec just couldn’t bring herself to do that, yet she’s convinced that she was very “faithful” – equating faithfulness with obedience to the Ten Commandments, etc. and seemingly ignoring that God sees our hearts.
Note: There are a few scenes that are quite sexually graphic, and the author uses a lot of profanity. There are also spoilers for a couple of classic books, which is a pet peeve of mine.
I received a free ARC through a Goodreads First Reads giveaway!