Reviews with content warning for Miscarriage - Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

I have been wanting to read this book for a good long while, but wanted to first finish up some other books before diving in. Reading this book reminded me why I love Lisa See's writing in general. It's so beautiful and lyrical. She has such a fantastic grasp of language and nuance when it comes to storytelling. One does not read her stories as much as step inside and live them. Like with the two previous books of hers that I have read (The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane and Peony in Love), it was a story focused on connection, steeped in the raw emotions that truly make us human.

The novel opens up with a formal introduction to our narrator, Lily, who is telling her story at the ripe age of eighty years old. Her story starts when she was five, still unaware of the life she was about to lead. A life filled with extreme joys and extreme sorrows. A life of love gained and love lost. As a young girl living in China during the 1800s, her only real choices in life are to find a good husband or to wither away (thankfully, much has changed since then). In order to ensure a good marriage, she is selected to have a laotong. A laotong, from what I understood, is almost like a platonic marriage between two girls. It binds them together forever in sisterhood and friendship and was at the time widely regarded as a distinction in society. A girl who had a laotong was seen as special. Lily's laotong was a girl named Snow Flower, who seemed to be the exact opposite of Lily. Where Lily was naive, Snow Flower was quick minded. Where Snow Flower was emotional, Lily was a voice of reason. They balanced each other out almost to perfection. As laotongs, they also communicated using nu shu, which was a secret language known only to women. They would write to each other on a fan, which would be passed back and forth between the two girls, slowly building up a history of their lives as they joined together and as they diverged and separated. Throughout the novel, we see the two girls grow side by side, navigating the tricky and treacherous waters of society that women were forced to sail. Both girls are married, but they remain close. However, Snow Flower's secret begins to grate on their bond, slowly eroding it away as a river creates a canyon. Small fractures appear in their unbreakable bond, making it more and more brittle.

Throughout the novel, we are constantly reminded of the pains and injustices women faced during this time. The passages dedicated to footbinding in particular were painful to read, but I can only imagine that it was a thousand times more painful to endure. On top of this, they are constantly told that they are worthless and burdensome as women. Women must exist in the inside realm of the home while men exist in the outer realm of society. Women must be shut away like secrets, only brought out to be displayed as beautiful objects, rather than people with emotions, desires, hopes, and dreams.

What I did notice, however, is that Lily slowly begins to see Snow Flower in the way a man would: that is, as a possession. This possessiveness and need to own Snow Flower is, I think, what ultimately causes their friendship to shatter. Snow Flower's other friends confront Lily at the end, when they say "She loved you as a laotong should for everything that you were and everything you were not...But you had too much man-thinking in you. You loved her as a man would, valuing her only for following men's rules" (242-243). While I was reading, I found myself liking Lily less and less because of her treatment of Snow Flower. Snow Flower loved her unconditionally, but Lily slowly became more and more hard hearted like her mother, berating when she should have been comforting, speaking when she should have been listening. Lily had thought that, because following the rules of men worked for her, it would obviously work for Snow Flower, who was in a very different situation. This lack of empathy made me dislike her more and more.

It made me wonder why we hurt the ones we love. Can love, which is sold to us as a wondrous fix, be destructive? Of course it can. I think, like any force, it can be constructive and destructive. It is dependent on how it is wielded. Snow Flower loved in a way that built upward. She loved unconditionally and unashamedly. Lily, on the other hand, was constantly filled with shame and the need to control Snow Flower. She loved Snow Flower, but never really took the time and effort to truly understand her. That, in my mind, is a destructive love. To love someone without understanding them or supporting them is not a true love. It's a possessive and selfish love. It takes but does not give. Towards the end, it was almost parasitic.

Perhaps I am being too harsh on Lily. The story was, after all, told from her perspective. I saw Snow Flower as Lily saw her. Kind and adventurous. Loving and tragic. I wonder if I would still hold the opinion I do if the story was told from Snow Flower's perspective instead.

In the end, this novel made me think about the way I connect with people in real life. It has made me want to be a better friend to those around me and to seek out genuine human connection and to strengthen those bonds that have already been formed. I think, at the end of the day, that is what everyone is truly looking for. Everyone wants to find a way to connect in a deep and meaningful way. I hope that happens to you, if you've made it this far (and even if you haven't).

Content Warnings

somnimah's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Content Warnings

danajoy's review against another edition

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emotional informative sad medium-paced

Strong character development? Yes

4.0

I am conflicted as to how to rate this book but I did find the story moving and interesting. I consumed it as an audiobook which definitely aided my experience. The vocal performance by Janet Song was fantastic. The writing was quite beautiful and sensitive but also evocative and at times confronting.

I chose this as my first novel of #asainreadathon as a book featuring an Asian character or written by an Asian author who you can relate to. Lily's womanhood is integral to this story but after completing this story I wonder if it would be more appropriate to cover the 'different' prompt. The historical nature and our cultural differences meant I cannot relate to any of her experiences other than those of close friendships becoming complicated and murky over time. It is so humbling to think about what prior generations faced and how much has changed.

This is the story of Lily's life growing up a girl in 19th century China, learning nu shu (the unique women's language) and sharing her life with her laotong, "old same", Snow Flower. It spans the women's lifetimes from their pairing as young children, through their years of foot-binding, losses of loved ones, their marriages and motherhood. It was fascinating. The bond between the girls is beautiful, they are devoted to one another.

A few content warnings that I feel I should highlight are the presence of a lot of abuse, miscarriage and mentions of suicide. I must say that my timing for this read wasn't quite ideal, in light of the current world events it was particularly difficult to hear about the outbreak of Typhoid so if you are considering reading this now and have not been handling the Covid19 situation you may want to delay it for a while.

Overall I found it a very interesting read, highly evocative of a bygone era filled with archaic traditions.

Content Warnings

brynn_books's review against another edition

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emotional slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

This is a really cute book about young girls in eighteenth century China. I had to read this book for school and thought I was going to hate it like I hate all the books I read for school but I really enjoyed this book.

This is a coming of age story about girls who try to grow up in China, going through all the customs and traditions necessary while also maintaining a source of friendship. This is a great story about friendship and sisters that will leave you crying.

I was not expecting this book to be so sad and leave a major impact on my life but it did.

The story tended to drag in a few places so often I was bored and just wanted something to happen but luckily the story picked up again.

I have to say Snowflower did annoy me at times. When they were being attacked and had to live out in the mountains, all Snowflower wanted to do was bed business with her husband. Even after he beat her. I kind of agreed with Lily when she was making her letter of vituperation. But towards the end once she died, I grew to love Snowflower and I was crying at that point. It was so sad and it broke my heart.

All in all I would give this book a 4/5 stars. It was a really good book and I would recommend it to any girl who is coming of age and would like to learn more traditions and customs of China.

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