Reviews

Todo lo que sé sobre el amor by Dolly Alderton

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molly12's review against another edition

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emotional inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.75

kew888's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful sad medium-paced

3.0

zaby's review against another edition

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emotional funny inspiring lighthearted fast-paced

3.25

girlhood up to womanhood through aldertons experiences — but truly calls out to all girls. i was entertained most of the time, but was bored at some parts. i think it’s because i haven’t reached that stage of my life yet and is, therefore, not relatable to me. but it was very emotional and heartwarming at the end — everyone, at all stages of girlhood, will appreciate it.

i love my friends :( i am learning the ways of love from them right now, even when i don’t realize it.

moonandmadness's review against another edition

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fast-paced

3.0

I did not expect to have very mixed feelings about this book, especially as it had seemed like it would be a lighthearted memoir told through relationships. I have decided the clearest way to explain these mixed feelings is with bullet pointed sections:

Did I enjoy it?

Overall, I enjoyed parts. It's very easy to read, written in a conversational style and the sections are usually short. It felt more like comfort food that was easy to digest than something you need to chew on. I don't believe a memoir really needs to reflect on broader social issues if these topics are out of the writer's depth. The only interesting section ideologically occurred near the beginning. Alderton alludes to an attitude often taken up by women entering university where they view liberation as the right to have casual sex and use this as social currency (in the sense of collecting stories to tell). Alderton briefly reflects on how this was often done for the good of the girls (for the plot, essentially), but may not have actually been empowering.

I was uncomfortable with several parts though. It feels weird to use spoiler tags about non fiction (especially a memoir), but I'll play ball.

Spoiler

Alderton's best friend's (Farley) younger sister (Florence) develops leukaemia, and eventually dies from it. Alderton's detailing of this made me uncomfortable, and this may not actually be a fault on the author's part. I think it did not sit right with me because Alderton's voice throughout this book is quite self centred. And as much love as she shows for Florence, the way her health journey served as a periphery to Alderton's own story unsettled me. Especially as it was structured to build suspense, or at least from my memory it wasn't clear whether Florence would recover when Alderton begins mentioning it. It was an odd choice that actually made the timeline of Dolly's friendship with Farley and Farley's own engagement less clear. Hence, I suspect this structure was intentional to build suspense - and that usage is what makes me uncomfortable. I don't pretend to know whether it was right or wrong for Alderton to write about it in this way, and since her close friendship with Farley is essential to this book, I can only assume that she greenlighted this discussion - and she would know her own sister best. But it did affect my reading experience and I wanted to talk about it. Her friendship with Farley is so close that I can understand Florence's illness and death being a crucial part of her life. But a part of me equally wonders at the way this was told.

On Relatability, Morality, and Privilege

Memoirs, in my view, do not have to be relatable, nor do the have to cater to our sense of morality (not that this book was pure debauchery or immoral). For this reason, I try to take Alderton's experience as a relatively privileged suburban white woman for what it is - her own reflections, rather than something for me to relate to. That said, her privilege affects the tone of this book in a way that can make it less enjoyable. I am surprised to see the number of people who find this book profound; perhaps if you find this relatable, there may be nuggets of wisdom for you. I may edit this part, as I've been trying to think about how to phrase this respectfully while still noting that I did genuinely feel for Alderton and her struggles with substances, food, and self esteem. And she tells those parts of her life in a way that can draw you in and make you care - so credit to her. But sometimes POCs just get tired of reading white voices, as their reflections on being lost and struggling often differ. That's on me, maybe I picked this up at the wrong time, but for a book that gives the vibe of being a warm hug between friends, it can often feel like a group hug I cannot join. So despite not believing it has to be relatable, I still critique it for not being so because the book itself seems like it wants to be. Hence it shares recipes, and lets you in on secret sexcapades with the girlies.

The tone/"characterisation"

For context: I'm 23. I found the tone of this quite self-centred, moreso at the beginning, of course. To an extent, I understood this... until I reflected on the fact she's actually as old as me, if not older in a lot of these recollections. I admit that at times this tone became grating. However, I do think it is a testament to Alderton's story telling that despite my irritation, I did feel sympathy for her. There is a recurring theme I find in Millennial media whereby the sweet, mildly narcissistic white woman is a likeable character. I hope that doesn't come across as rude, but that's the sort of voice that I think Alderton achieves. (It is very funny to me that Rachel Green is mentioned in this book!) I have to say, she nails the emails mocking the far more irritating, rampant narcissism that you find amongst even posher people in the UK. They were funny to read.

The structure

I was unsure about why this was structured the way it was, and at times I think the fact that it is told non-chronologically makes it more confusing (as I mentioned in my spoiler section). I don't think the jumping back and forth really added much either, since moments in her life pre-therapy/unexamined aren't juxtaposed with moments post-clarity (which would have been more interesting/understandable). It's odd because from an editing viewpoint, the book literally tells you it's uniting theme, so I'd have thought the structure would be well thought out even if all else fails. However, it's still easy to read, and not particularly confusing.

I might return to edit/reflect on this review in a few days, I might not. It was okay, there are two parts I might take with me, but overall I doubt I'll think about this book again. Funnily enough, it's sort of like a positive one night stand - a good experience, as long as I don't think about it too hard or return to it again.