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No Visible Bruises: What We Don't Know about Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder
aman757's review
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
i would like to begin my review by acknowledging that I have been twice charged with perpetrating domestic assault, in the first case with the alleged victim being my father and the second case the alleged victim being my younger brother. at least part of my reason for wanting to read this book had to do with what has been a continued attempt from me at intellectualizing my behavior. and part of that process, that i believe i'm most trying to work through, is rationalizing my harmful behavior through comparison to either other experiences i've been exposed or extreme cases i've read about, such as the case discussed in the beginning of this book. another aspect of my attempt to atone for my behavior is a persistent gendered view of domestic violence. i still have what some might consider a traditional mentality that women should never be hit my a man in any way, and that boys will be boys, but that many individuals could benefit from access to healthy outlets for releasing the anger contained within hisself or herself, whether that be a punching bag or possibly even controlled fighting modalities like mma. i'd love to learn more about these potential methods for diverting anger, as i also continue to practice other coping mechanism, and attempt to reconnect any connections within my family that i have contributed to fracturing. i don't recall this potential avenue of research regarding punching bags or mma being mentioned specifically in this book, though there were multiple methods and even historical developments discussed regarding how domestic violence has been able to be identified and stopped more quickly through more effective intervention. these developments ranged from examples on larger scale initiatives to provide more hospitable housing for a victim and a victim's family to highlighting how the work of a veteran officer, who happened to be female, has been able to assist several families and survivors of domestic violence in getting out of dangerous situations by allowing her personal connection of her sister having been in an abusive relationship to guide her work in guiding others and asking effective questions that some less caring officers may miss. there were some detailed discussions of the gender differences that exist within domestic violence cases, but the primary detail i remember from those discussions is the connection made to school shootings, with the vast majority of the mass shooters being male, and the surveyed research suggesting that a majority of violence in general is perpetrated by males. lastly, the section of this book that stood out to me most centered on a support group for domestic violence perpetrators, facilitated by the author, but led in many respects by an offender who shared some of his experiences and mistakes with the group. when i started reading this section, i found myself comparing my own violent behaviors to the described violent behaviors of the group leader, as well as to that of the other group members. however, when the group began discussing the events in terms of what led up to the violent acts, as well as how certain verbal behavior like name-calling may be abusive in and of itself or minimally escalate disagreements to a point of violence, the importance of group resonated more with me. and by the end of the section, i began to see how a group of people, many of whom are outcast by a large segment of society for past behavior, started to rely on each other and model for one another steps toward conflict resolution and coping skills. this has even encouraged me to consider a similar group for seeking to learn similar skills, as well as attempt to prevent myself from allowing factors like ego or pride to allow me to internalize these events, which i could imagine would increase the likelihood for further conflict or violence.
alfboyreads's review
5.0
this is such an excellent book, the writing is so visceral and presents the main case of abuse in such a way that you really feel it in your gut when it goes awry. i have never thought as in depth about domestic violence and it truly is shocking, the stark reality of it. an excellent journalistic feat
marissacwebb's review against another edition
Meticulously researched and really makes the case for more programs for perpetrators of dv
devon_'s review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
5.0