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vgartner's review against another edition
5.0
I started listening to the audiobook knowing that the author was Mormon and didn't receive a formal education until some later point in her life, but not really knowing much else about her story. Most of what I know about Mormonism comes from pop culture (The Book of Mormon, the drama Under the Banner of Heaven, etc.), and while this book is very much about a Mormon family, I wouldn't say I learned a much more about mainstream Mormonism from this memoir.
What Tara Westover centers in her writing is her childhood and adolescent experiences of physical and emotional abuse and her subsequent struggle to become herself and find an understanding of those experiences as part of her history but not the measure of her worth as a person. It's a story of survival and overcoming the deeply ingrained self-betrayal hammered into her via her abusive family members.
Many of her realizations and reflections on her experiences were familiar to me in my own path towards healing similar emotional wounds, but one passage in particular stopped me in my tracks with its clarity of insight:
This moment would define my memory of that night, and of the many nights like it, for a decade. In it I saw myself as unbreakable, as tender as stone. At first I merely believed this, until one day it became the truth. Then I was able to tell myself, without lying, that it didn’t affect me, that he didn’t affect me, because nothing affected me. I didn’t understand how morbidly right I was. How I had hollowed myself out. For all my obsessing over the consequences of that night, I had misunderstood the vital truth: that its not affecting me, that was its effect."
Westover excels at not only describing her experiences with vivid detail and raw emotional honesty, but in identifying how each experience contributed to the story of her life - what decisions she made (which decisions she felt she was able to make); how she tried so hard to exist according to the limits and expectations put to her; how, ultimately, she realized she could no longer continue to obey her family's twisted rules without losing herself totally; the utter devastation she felt in trying to choose herself over her abusers.
One theme that reappears throughout is her father's and brother's use of misogyny to belittle and control her, which, through the course of the book, she slowly begins to understand is just another way they can maker her feel worthless. What I find really interesting is the chapter when she is at BYU and discussing polygamy with a classmate, and how she feels so devalued by that part of her religion, and when prompted by her classmate, refuses at first to acquiesce to her classmates expectation that she simply "pray for faith" for her lack of understanding. She comes so close to explicitly connecting the misogyny employed by her male family members as a more general tool of subjugation of women sanctified by her church's teachings, but never goes there.
Throughout, Westover mostly avoids discussing her personal feelings about Mormonism directly beyond this scene and later, during her PhD, how her chapter on Mormonism was her favorite to write (though maybe this is not fair of me, as I consider her love of Mormon choir music as a more general human experience than specifically part of her faith, which maybe others would disagree with me about). My impression from what little she says and what all she does not say is that she never left her Mormon faith behind when she sought out a path independent from her family, and maybe is unwilling to open that part of her life to public knowledge and discussion. Part of me feels greedy in wanting to know more about how her beliefs changed during her time living as her own person. And possibly she simply decided that was too big a topic for the story she wanted to tell here. But I was left wanting just a bit more on this subject, although overall I wouldn't say the book felt incomplete at all!
Graphic: Bullying, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Sexism, Violence, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Panic attacks/disorders, Terminal illness, and Stalking
meganeliz_1214's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Toxic relationship, Violence, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Car accident, Gaslighting, and Injury/Injury detail
soupqueen's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Animal cruelty, Animal death, Bullying, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gore, Homophobia, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Racism, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Religious bigotry, Car accident, Pregnancy, Gaslighting, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Medical content, Dementia, Medical trauma, and Death of parent
palindrometodd's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Animal death, Bullying, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Sexism, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Medical content, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Car accident, and Abandonment
elisacarlene's review against another edition
3.75
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Racial slurs, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Violence, Medical content, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Fire/Fire injury, and Injury/Injury detail
bhictoria's review against another edition
4.5
Graphic: Gore, Physical abuse, Violence, Medical trauma, and Car accident
ksilvio's review against another edition
4.25
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Animal cruelty, Animal death, Body shaming, Bullying, Cancer, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Mental illness, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Racism, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Violence, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Pregnancy, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, and Injury/Injury detail
dreamsonpaper's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Bullying, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Violence, Medical trauma, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Misogyny, Racial slurs, Sexism, and Religious bigotry
wogslandwriter's review against another edition
4.5
Graphic: Bullying, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gore, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Racism, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Blood, Medical content, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, and Injury/Injury detail
stephanie_jmc's review against another edition
4.75
Tara’s story is truly moving and really speaks to the reality that parents have the power to strongly influence and control us and completely alter one’s view on the world and reality. Her book really opens the conversation on the impact of having an abusive parent (and sibling), the trauma of having a mentally ill parent, the deeply influential power of core beliefs, the (potential) trauma of religion, and the power in being able to ask questions, learn something new, walk away from toxicity, and change your own narrative. Tara’s story is told perfectly and I am so impressed by her resilience and ability to overcome the abuse and gaslighting and find her own way. I will warn that there is some pretty graphic content in this book and I genuinely felt my heart drop at the idea that this was the reality of Tara’s upbringing.
The story does start out slow but it unravels in a way that will have you rooting for Tara. I absolutely recommend reading this book.
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Car accident, Gaslighting, and Injury/Injury detail