Reviews with content warning for Sexual content - Women Don't Owe You Pretty

On the whole I did ‘enjoy’ (not the most apt word but it’s what I’m going with) this book and would recommend it. What I liked most was how Given makes sure to address her privilege as an ‘average size’ cisgender white British woman within the discourse of feminism/feminist theory and acknowledges this fact and how marginalised groups (trans/non binary women, fat women, women of colour) are unfairly treated and held to a higher standard by both women and men. As many reviewers have said, a lot of what is actually said isn’t really all that groundbreaking but I would argue it’s been personalised to Given’s life at the appropriate points, it’s succinct, well written and accessible. I did only read the small edition so I’m guessing I missed out on parts too. Below are some notes I made on each chapter so if you’re interested in them check out the book for more information. I’d say it was a solid 4 star read.

Challenging what we’ve learned and the society we’ve grown up in is hard and uncomfortable but needed for change to occur and the little discomfort is a lot less compared to the injustices, be patient but also call out when appropriate
Being or making yourself more ‘pretty’ doesn’t make you any less of a feminist because society still values beauty in women highly, different standards for different women e.g. trans, fat, people of colour where additional prejudices are present, acknowledge privileges
Love yourself, no one really cares about what you’re doing/how you look, why settle when there’s something/one better
Internalised misogyny prevents progress, ‘flaws’ are MAN-made, beauty standards are fake, healing own insecurities will lead to empathy and viewing other women differently/in a more positive light
Queer feelings are valid, working though internalised homo/lesbo/bi-phobia, limited and stereotypical views of queerness prevented her from validating feelings, oversaturated heteronormativity in media (it’s ‘hetrifying’), queer women view others via a queer gaze not the typical heterosexual male gaze
Women can and should enjoy sex too (if they want), reinforces notion they’re passive participants reserved for men’s desires, normalised discomfort forces queer women to repress their feelings
Asking for consent > sexual assault, shows maturity and it’s the law, providing the option of not doing anything, need to learn this before sexual violence takes place, set and keep boundaries
Can’t teach how to avoid sexual assault because it’s never your fault, rape culture, ‘preventative’ measures women take when that’s not the problem, it’s physically impossibly to “ask” for rape, openly discuss sexual violence from a young age to avoid it becoming normalised/accepted, rape’s the only crime where the victim is treated/questioned like the perpetrator, inconsistencies with reporting and sentencing
The price women pay for existing (so many adjustments, additional expenses, etc), spend money/energy keeping safe from men but paid less, standards are set by the hetero male gaze, ‘flaws’ generated by capitalist standards of beauty, still not that safe being visibly queer, women are meant to be sexy but when she uses this ‘power’ that’s a bad thing, how shame is used to put women down, sexual gaze thrusted on woman’s bodies (school uniform, nipples, etc)
It’s okay and ‘normal’ to feel heartbroken, hard to quit people completely in our social media world, how to recover, craving romance doesn’t make you any less of a feminist