The design and UX isn't done, Rob and Abbie, okkurrrr! 😌
leia_lynn's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
2.0
This was too heteronormative for my husband and I, and additionally the way the author described women (primarily by their looks) vs men (primarily by their personality traits) was indicative of an undercurrent of misogyny throughout. There were helpful models and practices in places, however.Â
lanieh09's review against another edition
funny
hopeful
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
wastelanderone's review against another edition
5.0
I found this book incredibly interesting and thoughtful, as well as being easy to understand! Terrence pulls together a lot of information that's been floating around for a long time and sets it out clearly: when there's something important, it's bold; there's lists and bullet points; when talking about something complex, he sets out an example on what exactly he means using couples he has worked with in the past.
I think everyone could get something out of this book. Even if you're not married, even if you're not in a relationship, the tools and actions in this book will help you in your day to day life. I understand more about myself and my reactions, my role in disagreements and arguments, and how to make myself and my relationships better.
Brilliant.
I think everyone could get something out of this book. Even if you're not married, even if you're not in a relationship, the tools and actions in this book will help you in your day to day life. I understand more about myself and my reactions, my role in disagreements and arguments, and how to make myself and my relationships better.
Brilliant.
sophierayton's review
2.0
There was a lot of good to take out of this book, however, I disagreed with some of the authors points and approaches and was desperate to come to the end so it could be over.
colleenish's review
4.0
This book has a lot of pages that made me say duh and a lot of corny exercises. But when it was good, it was really good. It lays out good principles and formulas for asking for what you want and for dealing with problems. Real does a great job of basically asking, "And how's that working out for you?" This book was a really good reminder that there's no point in being "right" or mysterious when it's hurting your relationship. It takes courage to be vulnerable enough to move past that. Bonus points for talking about gender dynamics without stereotyping.
jerenda's review
4.0
A well-written and accessible instruction book on how to save your train wreck of a relationship. The advice in here is easily applicable to non-married couples or other relationships. Real uses examples of couples he's advised throughout, which make the book enjoyable to read. (All of the example couples he uses are hetereosexual.)
I didn't like his generalizing about "twenty-first century relationships" or the broad sweeping assumptions he made about gender, but he largely restricts his pondering on the subject to the introduction. I think if you're going to make sweeping claims about cultural norms, you should at least back that up with some kind of research.
I also disagree with the idea that you "marry your father" or in other ways replicate the bad deals you got stuck with as a kid. While this probably happens to many people, it is in no way required, and you can definitely avoid that fallacy with a little care and foresight.
Luckily, his advice is generally applicable to either gender, and very sound and thoughtful despite these preconceived notions.
If you're in a healthy relationship already, I recommend skipping to the last three chapters (Get What You Want, Give What You Can, and Cherish What You Have). Real spends the previous chapters exploring what couples do wrong in relationships and how to stop doing all those harmful behaviors, which I'm sure is very useful, but these last three chapters are applicable to those even in positive and working relationships. He talks about how to communicate better and have a great marriage overall.
I didn't like his generalizing about "twenty-first century relationships" or the broad sweeping assumptions he made about gender, but he largely restricts his pondering on the subject to the introduction. I think if you're going to make sweeping claims about cultural norms, you should at least back that up with some kind of research.
I also disagree with the idea that you "marry your father" or in other ways replicate the bad deals you got stuck with as a kid. While this probably happens to many people, it is in no way required, and you can definitely avoid that fallacy with a little care and foresight.
Luckily, his advice is generally applicable to either gender, and very sound and thoughtful despite these preconceived notions.
If you're in a healthy relationship already, I recommend skipping to the last three chapters (Get What You Want, Give What You Can, and Cherish What You Have). Real spends the previous chapters exploring what couples do wrong in relationships and how to stop doing all those harmful behaviors, which I'm sure is very useful, but these last three chapters are applicable to those even in positive and working relationships. He talks about how to communicate better and have a great marriage overall.
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