Reviews tagging 'Suicidal thoughts'

Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny by Holly Madison

13 reviews

cetoria's review

dark emotional hopeful reflective fast-paced

3.5

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Content Warnings

Minor: Emotional abuse, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, and Toxic friendship

liesthemoontells's review against another edition

adventurous challenging dark hopeful informative inspiring medium-paced

2.75

I started this audiobook almost immediately after finishing Crystal Hefner's incredible memoir Say Only Good Things about her time with Hugh Hefner. As Crystal's memoir was the first to be released post #metoo, I wanted to get a perspective from another woman who had had an incredibly similar experience, but with a different lens. This review is more of a comparative analysis of the two than a singular appraisal of Holly's story, as that's the context I read it in.

My Spotify Premium app capped my audiobook minutes 3/4 of the way through it, and my impression of the last section of the book has definitely coloured my memory of the first part, but I will try and be as unbiased as possible.

Holly Madison's description of her time in the Playboy Mansion is as chilling and disturbing as that depicted by Crystal Hefner. From her reading, Holly seems to have worked through her trauma and put much more emotional distance between herself and her time in the mansion than Crystal, although I wonder if I would feel the same way reading the print versions of the two book.

The Hefner of Holly's book is ten years younger than that in Crystal's, and while his power is clearly ebbing by the time Holly entered his life, he still wields it cruelly and brutally. The Hefner of Holly's book is more calculating, more vibrant, and more deliberate than the one we find in Crystal's. Holly's Hefner orchestrates the world around him, making every person in his orbit bend to his petulant will.

In contrast, by the time Crystal enters the mansion, Hef is still just as abusive, but much of the abuse seems to be perpetuated by the clockwork of the Playboy Corporation based on the patterns that Hef had created for his partners in the preceding years rather than by the man himself, who is too frail to be as imposing as the figure Holly depicts.

Holly Madison is far more eager to throw the other women in Hef's orbit under the bus than Crystal, who seems reluctant to even name other women who she met in the mansion, let alone badmouth them. At first, I thought this cattiness may have just been a poorly aged product of the book's publication occurring pre #metoo, when the systemic dynamics of misogyny in Hollywood were less widely discussed. However, Holl 's continued cattiness and badmouthing of the women in her life in the last section of the book, once she is well away from the Playboy mansion, makes me think that this may just be an unfortunate part of Holly Madison's personality that Crystal does not share.

While the first part of Holly's story of reinvention following her time in the Mansion was filled with pathos and triumph, the last couple of chapters were a wall of self-aggrandizement interspersed with sniping at other D-list celebrities, repetitive and tireto the point where I almost DNF'd. 

Her own descriptions of her petty social media feuds paint her in a pretty bad light, and her continuous put downs of Crystal have aged even more poorly with the context of how much abuse and psychological torture she was experiencing at the points at which Holly chooses to mock her.  Her inability to recognise that Crystal was experiencing the exact same patterns of torment that Holly did lacks empathy to the point of cruelty.

The coda of Holly's book is milquetoast to the point of meaninglessness, throwing off some platitudes about loving yourself before loving anyone else and tying off the story in a "happily ever after" fairytale bow that contrasts awkwardly with the Alice in Wonderland metaphor that's been hammered throughout the entire book. This is especially true in comparison to Crystal's book, which ends with a stunning indictment on how the Playboy industrial complex churns out a dangerous fantasy for young girls to aspire to. Holly's self-absorbed Disneyland wedding ending comes across especially facile in contrast.

Overall I'd only recommend this as a read if you're a) looking for more perspectives on life in the Playboy Mansion after reading Crystal Hefner's book, or b) a big fan of Holly Madison in her own right.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Addiction, Body shaming, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Toxic friendship, and Alcohol

scifi_rat's review against another edition

dark reflective medium-paced

3.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Suicide attempt, Gaslighting, and Sexual harassment

Moderate: Body shaming, Bullying, Confinement, Drug use, Infidelity, Mental illness, Rape, Sexual content, Trafficking, Alcohol, and Classism

jessthemess8112's review

emotional informative inspiring sad medium-paced

3.25

I went into this book knowing nothing about Playboy.  Reading about Holly's experiences, learning about the behind the scenes of that lifestyle and seeing how she overcame everything that man put her through is beyond inspiring. I think it's very brave of Holly to write this and as a reader,  I enjoyed the insight into such a huge celebrity that definitely played to his audience.  

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Body shaming, Bullying, Confinement, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, and Gaslighting

Moderate: Drug use, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, and Toxic friendship

Minor: Addiction, Cancer, Death, and Alcohol

adrienanthony's review

emotional funny informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Addiction, Confinement, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Fatphobia, Incest, Infidelity, Misogyny, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Pregnancy, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Alcohol, and Sexual harassment

lizacorn's review

emotional informative lighthearted reflective medium-paced

3.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Body shaming, Emotional abuse, and Toxic relationship

Moderate: Confinement, Misogyny, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Gaslighting, and Toxic friendship

Minor: Drug use, Incest, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, and Alcohol

growintogardens's review

informative medium-paced

3.0

I never actually watched any of the E series, but I knew about them and Playboy, so I've known who she is for a long time. I watched a newer docuseries "Sectets of Playboy," and I found Holly likeable and wanted to know more of her story. I think the book is easy to follow and it's an interesting look at that world. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Body shaming, Bullying, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, and Toxic friendship

Moderate: Cursing, Misogyny, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Alcohol, and Sexual harassment

Minor: Death, Drug use, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, and Pregnancy

brittanylee0302's review

emotional hopeful informative fast-paced

5.0

Im not sobbing right now... this book was so good, I listened to the audiobook & had no regrets about it (this was my first audiobook & im thrilled it was!) To hear what Holly & the other girls endured while at the mansion was so sad but to know how much Holly fought to leave & build a life for herself is so amazing to hear. I loved that she wrote this book & feel like it shows a side we would have never known otherwise! She is well spoken & the book is so well written. Id recommend this book to anyone & the audiobook especially! Also, Holly if you're reading this, please narrate Alice in Wonderland so I can listen to it!

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Toxic relationship and Toxic friendship

Moderate: Suicidal thoughts

Minor: Sexual content and Pregnancy

bzliz's review against another edition

lighthearted fast-paced

3.75

I’ve been listening to Holly and Bridget’s podcast Girls Next Level and thought I should reread this to compare new feelings with old ones. I was a big Girls Next Door fan when it aired. I especially loved Bridget and Holly (Kendra always gave me bad vibes) and I liked how fun the show was at its core even though these women were living a lifestyle I definitely couldn’t relate to. As I get older, it makes sense that the reality of the situation didn’t match up to the reality show. 

People can debate all they want about the truth of Holly’s words but now that she and Bridget are doing this podcast and doing interviews with people who were also in the Playboy circuit, I think their stories of mistreatment are pretty credible. Note: Kendra fans will probably not enjoy this. 

There are a few editing errors that jumped out at me but it wasn’t terribly distracting from Holly’s message. She does repeat herself at times and the allusion that her life had similarities to that of Marilyn Monroe seems a little grandiose but I think that overall I’m glad she seized the opportunity to tell her story and hold very little back. 

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Body shaming, Bullying, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Misogyny, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, and Alcohol

emilieboeger's review against another edition

emotional informative inspiring reflective sad fast-paced

3.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexism

Moderate: Domestic abuse and Suicidal thoughts

Minor: Sexual assault