raincorbyn's review
5.0
Everyone, even you and I, could be better at consent. While it can be hard to learn a new set of rules and tools regarding a topic as secretive and repressed as sex, this book provides a good balance of why we must, and how we can, improve our consent and our sex lives to boot. Active ongoing enthusiastic consent is also a wonderful lens to navigate all sorts of platonic negotiation and respect of boundaries. Basically read this book and practice its message if you want to be better in bed, and a better human.
birdbeakbeast's review
5.0
Insofar as there should be obligated reading, this should be on that list.
indielittttt's review
5.0
Whew this was great. This is as originally two zines that were updated and compiled into this amazing book. It consists mostly of anonymous short pieces on consent, rape/coercion, being a perpetrator of sexual harm, and loving someone who is a survivor. Every piece is powerful and necessary. Other contributions come from Consent Matters, Philly Stands Up!, Down There Collective, and many other wonderful folks. Also included are helpful teaching/learning guides on how to practice active and affirmative consent. This should be required reading for anyone who plans to have sex.
5/5⭐️
5/5⭐️
andibutts's review
3.0
CW // Rape apologism, sexual violence.
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I was excited to read this book as soon as I read the foreword, which discussed the necessity of placing consent "within a framework of structural inequality and oppression," as "structural inequities generate violence, complicate our abilities to consent, and stand in the way of our healing" (Fujikawa and Peters-Golden 6-7). (Consent is a social justice issue, y'all! We cannot stop sexual violence and create a consent culture with individualized solutions.) For the most part, this book lived up to my expectations. It was gender- and LGBTQ+-inclusive, community- and liberation-focused, and survivor-centered. It validated my experiences as a survivor, and its personal tone helped me engage fully with the material at hand.
With that said, a smaller (but significant) portion of this book seemed to me to be rape apologism disguised as transformative justice. People who have abused others don't need to be coddled any more than they already are, and any version of "transformative justice" that does this has, in my opinion, been co-opted. I say this as someone who believes that people *can* change and grow, that the survivor-abuser dichotomy is simplistic and inaccurate, and that shame and punishment are ineffective motivators for change.
And still, there are enough survivors who have *not* been abusive (
—
I was excited to read this book as soon as I read the foreword, which discussed the necessity of placing consent "within a framework of structural inequality and oppression," as "structural inequities generate violence, complicate our abilities to consent, and stand in the way of our healing" (Fujikawa and Peters-Golden 6-7). (Consent is a social justice issue, y'all! We cannot stop sexual violence and create a consent culture with individualized solutions.) For the most part, this book lived up to my expectations. It was gender- and LGBTQ+-inclusive, community- and liberation-focused, and survivor-centered. It validated my experiences as a survivor, and its personal tone helped me engage fully with the material at hand.
With that said, a smaller (but significant) portion of this book seemed to me to be rape apologism disguised as transformative justice. People who have abused others don't need to be coddled any more than they already are, and any version of "transformative justice" that does this has, in my opinion, been co-opted. I say this as someone who believes that people *can* change and grow, that the survivor-abuser dichotomy is simplistic and inaccurate, and that shame and punishment are ineffective motivators for change.
And still, there are enough survivors who have *not* been abusive (
pipsqueaky's review
5.0
This is THE best book on sex and consent I've ever read. I really appreciated the collection of different essays, with different styles, from people with many different experiences. There's also some great advice in here for survivors of abuse, and for people who are in relationships with abuse survivors. I'm really glad this exists in the world and honestly think everyone should read it.
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