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amirahazhar's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
5.0
An absolutely immense story rich with Nigerian culture and history. I listened to the audiobook narrated by Nneka Okoye and it just made everything 1000 times better. From the Nigerian language, accents, raw emotions, differing voices, I'm not exaggerating when I see this might have been the best audiobook I have ever listened to.
This book made me feel all kinds of things - absolute rage towards the patriarchy and the misogyny inherent in many cultures, especially the one central to this story, sadness that women have to suffer from abuse from their husbands but then having to relent for the sake of preserving the sanctity of their marriages and the image of their family. On top of that, the main character, Uju, has a complex relationship with her mother, who never seems to be on her side and struggles to break the generational cycle of abuse. Many times, I had to stop listening because I was too infuriated by some of the characters - but this is the stark reality that women all around the world face. I learnt so much about Nigerian history, too - the horrors of the Civil War in the 1970s and the hardships that Nigeria as a nation had to face.
The ending Aiwanose Odafen gave us satisfied me enough. It was a glimmer of hope in a dark, dark setting. Ah I could just go on and on about this book. I may never shut up about it, that's how much of an indelible impression it made on me.
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Miscarriage, Physical abuse, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Religious bigotry, Pregnancy, War, and Injury/Injury detail
debby_caleb's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, and Violence
Moderate: Grief
Minor: Infidelity and War
fatkidatheartreads's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, and Religious bigotry
bibliophile_nemo's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Death, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, Violence, Death of parent, Alcohol, and War
booktrovert's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Graphic: Misogyny
Moderate: Domestic abuse and Toxic relationship
Minor: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Violence, Vomit, and Death of parent
foxonabook's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Spanning three decades and divided into three parts (Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow) the book explores Uju’s journey throughout womanhood, from the young woman with bright hopes for her future (Yesterday), to the married woman struggling to accept her abusive marriage as a fact of life (Today), and, finally, to a woman on her way to achieving true independence and freedom (Tomorrow).
“You have never learnt to accept your lot I life. You’re a woman not a man. The sooner you accept it, the better.”
I loved how Odafen portrayed Uju’s struggle between fighting for the better life she deserves and behaving the way her mother and society expect her to. The cognitive dissonance -rationally knowing what’s right but emotionally or subjectively being unable to leave- that many individuals in a similar situation as Uju’s experience was so accurately portrayed that I never felt more frustrated than when Uju would succumb to her mother’s influence and go back to Gozie. However, Uju is never portrayed as meek with her inner strength always shining through, even in the instances where she is trying to keep the peace and fit in.
I also loved how Odafen contrasted Uju’s own struggles against those of her friends, particularly Ada who eventually seems to internalise the sexist expectations and blame that she at first resisted.
“My dear, it is okay for a man to have a bad character as long as he is a man.”
Another interesting aspect of the book Odafen’s exploration of religion’s role in perpetuating the sexism and abuse against women, with preachers and members of the congregation readily placing the blame on marital problems and responsibility for remedying them on women. However, this is never done with any deliberate malice.
“We want women to put in everything and be okay with getting almost nothing in return.”
This was not an easy book to read, but it is an important one and, thankfully an accessible one. Odafen’s writing style made me feel like I was sitting with an elderly Uju in her living room while she recounted her experience with domestic abuse, familial expectations and societal pressures. The characters were in-depth and lifelike, reminiscent of the many women who, unfortunately, have similar experiences.
The only reason this isn’t getting a five star review is because some parts of the book were slow and the ending did leave me disappointed. While I am usually a fan of open endings, in this instance, given the near continuous heart-ache the readers endure throughout Uju's journey, it would have been nice to have had a confirmed happy ending.
Thank you NetGalley, Scribener and Simon & Schuster for and advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Graphic: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Miscarriage, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Vomit, Grief, Death of parent, Pregnancy, Gaslighting, War, and Injury/Injury detail