Reviews with content warning for Grief - Tomorrow I Become A Woman

In Tomorrow I Become a Woman, Aiwanose Odafen explores the complex relationship women have with their families, spouses and friends as they navigate the pressures and expectations of a patriarchal society and culture. It also explores, in a subtle yet brilliant way, all of the ways women finally become women, such as through marriage and childbirth, and this is contrasted the way men become men, by simply being born a man.

Spanning three decades and divided into three parts (Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow) the book explores Uju’s journey throughout womanhood, from the young woman with bright hopes for her future (Yesterday), to the married woman struggling to accept her abusive marriage as a fact of life (Today), and, finally, to a woman on her way to achieving true independence and freedom (Tomorrow).

“You have never learnt to accept your lot I life. You’re a woman not a man. The sooner you accept it, the better.”
I loved how Odafen portrayed Uju’s struggle between fighting for the better life she deserves and behaving the way her mother and society expect her to. The cognitive dissonance -rationally knowing what’s right but emotionally or subjectively being unable to leave- that many individuals in a similar situation as Uju’s experience was so accurately portrayed that I never felt more frustrated than when Uju would succumb to her mother’s influence and go back to Gozie. However, Uju is never portrayed as meek with her inner strength always shining through, even in the instances where she is trying to keep the peace and fit in.

I also loved how Odafen contrasted Uju’s own struggles against those of her friends, particularly Ada who eventually seems to internalise the sexist expectations and blame that she at first resisted.

“My dear, it is okay for a man to have a bad character as long as he is a man.”
Another interesting aspect of the book Odafen’s exploration of religion’s role in perpetuating the sexism and abuse against women, with preachers and members of the congregation readily placing the blame on marital problems and responsibility for remedying them on women. However, this is never done with any deliberate malice.

“We want women to put in everything and be okay with getting almost nothing in return.”
This was not an easy book to read, but it is an important one and, thankfully an accessible one. Odafen’s writing style made me feel like I was sitting with an elderly Uju in her living room while she recounted her experience with domestic abuse, familial expectations and societal pressures. The characters were in-depth and lifelike, reminiscent of the many women who, unfortunately, have similar experiences.

The only reason this isn’t getting a five star review is because some parts of the book were slow and the ending did leave me disappointed. While I am usually a fan of open endings, in this instance, given the near continuous heart-ache the readers endure throughout Uju's journey, it would have been nice to have had a confirmed happy ending.

Thank you NetGalley, Scribener and Simon & Schuster for and advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

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