Reviews with content warning for Domestic abuse - Eindelijk mezelf

Reviews tagging 'Domestic abuse'

Eindelijk mezelf by Matt Cain

6 reviews

yvo_about_books's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful medium-paced

4.0

Finished reading: May 3rd 2024

"There are all kinds of reasons good people do bad things. But usually, it comes down to just being human."

*** A copy of this book was kindly provided to me by Netgalley and Kensington Books in exchange for an honest review. Thank you! ***

I listened to The Secret Life Of Albert Entwistle back in 2022 and it ended up being one of my favorite stories of the year, so to say that I've been highly anticipating Becoming Ted is an understatement. I loved the sound of the premise with Ted rediscovering who he really is after his husband of twenty years leaves him... And I've been looking forward to dive in and properly meet Ted. I'm not sure if I had simply set my expectations a bit too high; while I did enjoy this newest story, there were also a couple niggles that prevented me from handing out the full five stars.

I still love the premise of the story, and I could truly appreciate how it focuses on different aspects of the queer community. This story doesn't only shows us what it is like being a gay couple in the present, but there is also focus on the struggles of being gay in the 1950s and growing up in a Catholic Poland where people don't accept gays. It's also a story about drag and everything it entails including prejudices and struggles... And there is focus on the fear/hesitance to come out and being afraid to show the world who you really are.

Becoming Ted uses a multiple POV structure, although we mainly stick with Ted and the Polish immigrant Oskar. There are many flashbacks to the past to be found along the way, and I do confess that the jumps to the past sometimes caught me off guard as they always happened mid-chapter. That said, they were always relevant and helped explain certain thoughts and why the characters are the way that they are. The writing itself was engaging with quite a lot of slang and a humor that could be on the sarcastic and harsh side at times. I personally didn't have an issue with it though!

As for the characters... Oh boy, I had mixed feelings. Don't get me wrong, I do love Ted and Oskar, but especially Ted also frustrated the heck out of me. The fact that he has been pushing his true self to the background his whole life and lets people walk all over him and his dreams is SO incredibly frustrating, and especially when he keeps letting it happen even after he supposedly started to put himself first for a change. Also, how he kept pining after his husband Giles even after he found out he had been cheating on him for all those months?! With Giles even flaunting his new love on social media for all to see?! I almost felt secondhand embarrassment for him... Then again, he basically only had experiences with toxic relationships in his life, so I guess he probably didn't know better.

I also wasn't a fan of just how much cheating was going on in general, and there were also too many different subplots going on that distracted from Ted's self-discovery journey. I could have done without the whole mystery letters and the family drama involving Ted's father for example... And likewise for Giles to pop up again near the end. There was a bit too much drama going on in general, and as a result Becoming Ted wasn't nearly as uplifting as I thought it would be. Sure, it ended on a high note, but there was a lot more negativity to be found than expected.

That said, I did still enjoy Becoming Ted despite those niggles, and I can still recommend this story if you don't mind a lot of drama, focus on toxic relationships, gaslighting and cheating. The snappy drag humor does help balancing things out a little!

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sandysmith's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective relaxing medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

A gorgeous book full of wonderful characters that gently explore themes of acceptance, love, and friendships. I loved Ted and his coming if age story in his 40s. At the beginning of the book, Ted's husband Giles leaves him for another man, not a spoiler, as this happens in the first few pages and is in the blurb. Ted is devastated, but out of this, he begins to question his self-worth, self-esteem, having been put down by his husband, and his acceptance of how things were, putting himself on the back burner and other people first are explored. He also keeps his family happy by working in the family business whilst his sister goes off to follow her dreams. Ted's story of becoming "Ted First" is one of self-discovery. Easy to read, accessible, engaging wonderfully written, and developed, you can't help fall in love with Ted and his relationships and how he begins slowly to follow his own dreams. A fabulous comfy read.

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lozababe's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful informative inspiring lighthearted tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

I adored The Secret Life of Albert Entwistle by Matt Cain and so was extremely excited when I saw that Matt had written a new book. It didn’t disappoint and I think I have fallen in love with Ted Ainsworth as much as I did Albert.
Ted Ainsworth has the perfect life, the perfect husband and the perfect family. Until one perfect Sunday morning, his husband of 20 years tells him he’s been having an affair and he’s leaving him. Ted is scared of telling anyone, especially his parents as he thinks they’ll be disappointed since they loved his husband so much. So Ted does what anybody would do, and avoids them… except they work together at the family ice cream business so he can’t avoid them for long.
Although Ted’s family love him and are preparing him to take over the family business, Ted has a lot of secrets that he hides from them. One of being that he doesn’t even like ice cream!
Denise is Ted’s best friend and main supporter, she supports him through all of the changes to come in his life after he has supported her when she left an abusive relationship. An abusive relationship that meant she doesn’t give men a chance anymore, but can she find happiness along with Ted?
In the same town, Oskar moved over from Poland 10 years ago and is working in a restaurant down the road from the flagship ice cream store. He moved away from Poland because he has a secret that he has kept from his family, he is gay. Although Oskar has moved to a more accepting country, he still doesn’t feel that he can come out and so tries to keep himself to himself, until he meets Ted and his whole life is changed.
This book has everything you could hope for in a story, it is heartwarming, sad, happy and makes you want to yell at and shake the characters multiple times. I am sad to leave all of these characters behind, and am hopeful for a sequel as I feel that their stories have only just begun.
Thank you to Matt Cain and Pigeonhole for letting me read this with you, I have enjoyed every moment of it.

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elementarymydear's review against another edition

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inspiring fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

This book is bursting at the seams with heart, celebration, and empowerment. Ted, a newly divorced man in his 40s, decides to pursue his lifelong dream of being a drag queen (a detail which should DEFINITELY be in the synopsis, I was umming and ahhing whether I should read it until I found that out!). On the way he rediscovers his childhood joy of singing and dancing, uncovers family secrets, connects with queer people of all generations, and finds love in an aspiring interior designer.

📚Find this and more reviews on my blog!📚

It’s impossible not to immediately fall in love with Ted. As the narrative flits between the modern day and flashbacks, we very quickly root for him as we see the ways he has been made to feel like an outsider throughout his life. The relationships he builds over the course of the book are wonderful too. He goes on a real journey and it’s so heart-warming to be taken along for the ride.

The romantic element was also brilliant. The romance between Ted and Oskar was incredibly sweet, with the right amount of ‘figuring it out’ that happens at the start of any new relationship. The way they helped each other grow was a real asset to the story, and even before they’ve met I was rooting for them!

There is a lot packed into this book, at times too much. Pretty much every character has a tragic backstory, and by the end a few too many emotional climaxes/plot twist reveals were written as “X explained that…” followed by a summary often including very dark, heavy topics such as domestic abuse or persecution. For a story with such a joyful main storyline, almost every other arc was filled with tragedy and there were so many that they started to lose their impact. Had one or two of them been cut, or scaled-back-on, there would have been a bit more space for the remaining ones to be explored in more depth, and a bit more balance in the book as a whole.

The narration by Samuel Barnett brings all of the residents of St-Luke’s-on-Sea to life, with an impressive range of accents in his arsenal! I was hooked by the narration from the very start, finding any excuse to stick my headphones on and listen to some more.

I received a free copy for review. All opinions are my own.

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librariangeorgia's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

I loved THE SECRET LIFE OF ALBERT ENTWISTLE that this was an automatic must read. I absolutely adored this book. Such a feel-good, heart-warming story. I loved all the characters, and I liked that there's storylines for each of them rather than some of them just being there in the background. There's just so much to the plot, I highly recommend giving it a go!

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james1star's review against another edition

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emotional funny hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

Massive thank you to NetGalley and Headline publishing house for accepting me as a pre-publication reviewer. This has proved to be one of my favourite books of the year and it’s not even out yet!

Quick plot summary: forty three year old Ted is living a rather pleasant life: has a husband of twenty years, a loving dog, a great best friend, a stable job working for his family’s ice cream shop in a little Lancashire seaside town. But how great is it really? Especially when he’s had to hide his true passion throughout his whole life. When his husband confesses he’s been having an affair and wants to split up, Ted cannot see anything good coming his way… but how wrong he was. Finally he gains the courage - with the help of many great people in his life - to pursue his dream of becoming a drag queen and fully comprehend his (dull, reserved and unauthentic) life before. In doing so, he embarks on the journey of ‘Becoming Ted’.

That was a *very* short summary and there’s a *lot* more that goes on, sub-plots and character storylines but I so wholeheartedly 1000% recommend picking this book up I don’t want to spoil anything and Yhh, you need to experience it first hand I think to truly get the most out of this book. But continue reading I won’t spoil anything, it’s all praise trust me.

Now whilst there was some plot points I personally didn’t like that much, I do appreciate it as a whole and how they lead to certain things happening and just Awgh I cannot get over how satisfied I was with this book. It also deals with many topics; specifically toxic relationships and gaslighting techniques which Ted learns was apparent in his marriage (and with other characters) and has flashbacks to points in time which were done exceptionally well - you are transported back, it makes sense immediately what is happening, you don’t lose sight of the present-day plot and I dunno just wow I loved them and how they’re demarcated with little ice creams!!!! No words. So yes, this exploration of relationships dynamics and understanding possible trauma is handled very well, it’s eye-opening, emotional and gripping. Additionally, homophobia is a present theme both externally in how Ted thinks back to school but mainly with Oskar and Andrzej with the scenes in Poland in the further and more recent past - mentioning LGBT-free zones and Anti-gay protests/marches - but a major part is internal homophobia and how one overcomes it. The fact it’s definitely not an easy ride, with ups and downs, movements forwards and back and how no matter how much you might love someone and want what’s best for them, they need to come to terms with themselves first and truly appreciate they are who they are. Once again I don’t want to explain too much as this self-discovery aspect of the book is a prominent motif in many different ways and to read and understand it first hand is much more impactful.

I think I could honestly write about this book for ages but I don’t want to give things away so I’ll try and stop myself.

But not until I talk about the characters. Awghhhhhh omfg I loved them so much like just wow wow wow!!! Firstly, yes they all have some flaws and nuances (except Lilly the dog - she’s perfect) but this adds to their lovableness and realness too. First off, our ‘main character’ (I did it in ‘’ because he is definitely the mc buttt as it’s written in third person - something I though was slightly a wrong choice as I started reading thinking it would be great in first - with most chapters from Ted’s POV, his bestie Denise and Oskar have their own chapters too where the narrator narrates what is happening with italics representing what that character is thinking in their head. I hope I explained this well and understandable but like once again this was super great and I just loved how we sort of got these other views and then more insight into these characters lives) Ted is so likeable, he’s sweet and kind, funny, just great and you feel for him so much. You experience so much of what he goes through and there are so many relatable and just lovable aspects to his character. Denise is yes flawed but she’s such a great friend and personality, has dealt with a lot and so you understand her outlook. Oskar is just the sweetest omg I can’t. He had to deal with so much trauma growing up and internal hatred and just finding himself. Stanley is purely fantabulosa, he’s just an icon, super super lovable and funny, a great personality but we too get to see some of his painful past. Ted’s parents Hilary and Trevor (and sister Jemima) are the most nuanced I’d say as in you do like them but also some things they have done is a bit ‘ehh’-ey but like you do understand their reasonings and things… I dunno what to feel? I would say I do still like them. Quick fire shout out to these other great characters: Alison, Marina, Mick, Peg Legge, Pussy Squat, Mick and Andrzej too. Giles was by far the most unlikable (well actually Karl is) but then again he has some redeeming qualities and Yhh… read it to see why I don’t hate hate him.

The writing is so great too. It’s super addictive, making you read on and fully encapsulating you. It was honestly physically straining to put it away and do what I needed to do at times. I also just didn’t want to let the characters go so I was in a major predicament of either binging it or spending more time with these icons? And I mostly binged but I can (and will!) give it a reread to revisit St-Luke’s-on-Sea and all it’s fabulous residents. I wouldn’t say the writing is particularly outstanding but it’s very readable and there are some lovely descriptive passages. The dialogue is super realistic, sharp, witty, humorous and Yhh honestly just great. There were also a few great quotes and many many takeaways.

If you didn’t guess already but I loved this book! Like honestly I’m in such awe of these characters, the plot and meanings portrayed. It’s exceptional. I will very likely be placing an order for the physical copy when it becomes available and in the meantime hope to read some more of Matt Cain’s works. bring it on!

P.S. the acknowledgments were super sweet and so much meaning - read them too!

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