whatsjennareading's review
5.0
I just started this a few days ago, but once I picked it up I couldn’t put it down. I stayed up until 130 in the morning and then set my alarm early so I could read the last few chapters. I had so many emotions while reading this book and it opened so many questions for me. About who I am, how I was raised, my own anxiety, what kind of parent I am versus the one I want to be, how I interact with those around me, especially my wife. I’m not sure if reading someone else’s memoir should make one introspective, but this one resonated with me in so many different places and ways that it did. Amanda’s life is incredible and the courage with which she opens herself up in such an honest and raw way is humbling. I loved reading this book. I loved learning about her life and how she interprets the world, especially as a child.
Little Panic opens in Amanda’s elementary school classroom, where the students–all except for her–have earned watches by learning to correctly tell time and are now playing a game to test their knowledge. Amanda’s best friend Melissa has been asked to sit out the game and help her catch up so she can join the rest of the class. As she asks frantic–and in my opinion, very valid–questions to make sense of it, Amanda can feel her friend’s frustration that she does not get it and her desire to just go join the game. My reaction to this first chapter was visceral and heartbreaking and plunged me back into my own childhood school experiences. While the writing style and language change as she gets older, it is perhaps these first chapters, written in this simple, honest, and straightforward voice that are my favorite.
After her parents divorce when she was only 2, Amanda’s mother move her and her siblings into a townhouse in the city that backs up to a shared outdoor space referred to as the secret garden by the residents. It is in this idyllic space that much of the story unfolds and Amanda shares the dichotomy of her life safely ensconced in her garden and the many terrors she faces on the street side. There are so many things to be afraid of on the street side, but it is the disappearance of Etan Patz from a bus stop near her house and the ensuing search for him that helps to shape and sharpen her many anxieties. I grew up without a knowledge of this case and the slow revelation of facts throughout the story added an air of mystery not resolved until the book concludes.
Little Panic spans Amanda’s childhood up through the present time. She discusses her deep attachment to her mother, the turbulent connection with her father, the relationships she has with her siblings, her failed romantic relationships, and everything in between. Interspersed with memories and anecdotes are questions from the many psychological tests she took and notes and observations from her doctors. I’m not a psychologist, but I do hold a degree in psychology and was so incredibly frustrated by the fact that no one suggested a panic disorder until she is 25 years old. As a child, she’s always trying to find something wrong with her on the outside that will help everyone understand what is wrong with her on the inside. Receiving her diagnosis doesn’t magically fix her, but it does finally give her the words needed to voice her anxiety.
I was ecstatic beyond words when Amanda reached out to me to see if I would be interested in reviewing her book. One of my favorite parts about the book community on Instagram are the connections I’m able to build not only with the other readers of the books I love, but their writers too! Of all of the author interactions I’ve had, my exchanges with Amanda have been some of my favorite. She is incredibly kind and thoughtful and has written a truly incredible account of her life growing up in New York City with an undiagnosed panic disorder. I’ve read a lot of reviews about this book, and several suggest that anyone with anxiety read this book. While I think there are many reasons why a reader with anxiety would find maybe a sense of community here, they’re not the only relevant audience. I think Little Panic should be required reading for anyone sharing their life with a person who suffers from panic disorders–parents, partners, healthcare professionals, even friends–as it provides invaluable insight into an anxious mind.
The hugest thank you goes out to Amanda and Grand Central Publishing for this copy in exchange for my honest review.
Little Panic opens in Amanda’s elementary school classroom, where the students–all except for her–have earned watches by learning to correctly tell time and are now playing a game to test their knowledge. Amanda’s best friend Melissa has been asked to sit out the game and help her catch up so she can join the rest of the class. As she asks frantic–and in my opinion, very valid–questions to make sense of it, Amanda can feel her friend’s frustration that she does not get it and her desire to just go join the game. My reaction to this first chapter was visceral and heartbreaking and plunged me back into my own childhood school experiences. While the writing style and language change as she gets older, it is perhaps these first chapters, written in this simple, honest, and straightforward voice that are my favorite.
After her parents divorce when she was only 2, Amanda’s mother move her and her siblings into a townhouse in the city that backs up to a shared outdoor space referred to as the secret garden by the residents. It is in this idyllic space that much of the story unfolds and Amanda shares the dichotomy of her life safely ensconced in her garden and the many terrors she faces on the street side. There are so many things to be afraid of on the street side, but it is the disappearance of Etan Patz from a bus stop near her house and the ensuing search for him that helps to shape and sharpen her many anxieties. I grew up without a knowledge of this case and the slow revelation of facts throughout the story added an air of mystery not resolved until the book concludes.
Little Panic spans Amanda’s childhood up through the present time. She discusses her deep attachment to her mother, the turbulent connection with her father, the relationships she has with her siblings, her failed romantic relationships, and everything in between. Interspersed with memories and anecdotes are questions from the many psychological tests she took and notes and observations from her doctors. I’m not a psychologist, but I do hold a degree in psychology and was so incredibly frustrated by the fact that no one suggested a panic disorder until she is 25 years old. As a child, she’s always trying to find something wrong with her on the outside that will help everyone understand what is wrong with her on the inside. Receiving her diagnosis doesn’t magically fix her, but it does finally give her the words needed to voice her anxiety.
I was ecstatic beyond words when Amanda reached out to me to see if I would be interested in reviewing her book. One of my favorite parts about the book community on Instagram are the connections I’m able to build not only with the other readers of the books I love, but their writers too! Of all of the author interactions I’ve had, my exchanges with Amanda have been some of my favorite. She is incredibly kind and thoughtful and has written a truly incredible account of her life growing up in New York City with an undiagnosed panic disorder. I’ve read a lot of reviews about this book, and several suggest that anyone with anxiety read this book. While I think there are many reasons why a reader with anxiety would find maybe a sense of community here, they’re not the only relevant audience. I think Little Panic should be required reading for anyone sharing their life with a person who suffers from panic disorders–parents, partners, healthcare professionals, even friends–as it provides invaluable insight into an anxious mind.
The hugest thank you goes out to Amanda and Grand Central Publishing for this copy in exchange for my honest review.
leawyo's review
3.0
This book gives a realistically clear view of a child’s anxiety. She verbalizes things from a point of experience and knowledge but I’m confused about if she was this insightful at such a young age. I’m glad she’s found success and is managing her diagnosis.
stephhammer's review
5.0
Wow. I just finished listening to the audio version of this book, and I immediately ordered the print version because there is so much I want to go back to and reread. Having lived with anxiety for my whole life, there is so much here that is highly relatable. But what really got me was the sense of hope in the end and acceptance that anxiety will always be a part of the author's life, but there's help and ways to cope with the constant companion that anxiety can be. It's also a reminder that all the things anxiety can make us worry about happening might actually happening, but we can survive those things.
This can be an intense read for those who have struggled with anxiety, but it also is deeply affirming and a reminder that you are not alone in living with the challenges of an anxious mind. For those who love someone with anxiety, this book is a window into what it is like to deal with it.
I am thankful that Amanda Stern put this story out into the world. I needed to read something like this right now. This is a beautifully written book.
This can be an intense read for those who have struggled with anxiety, but it also is deeply affirming and a reminder that you are not alone in living with the challenges of an anxious mind. For those who love someone with anxiety, this book is a window into what it is like to deal with it.
I am thankful that Amanda Stern put this story out into the world. I needed to read something like this right now. This is a beautifully written book.
superdilettante's review
5.0
As soon as I began this book, I started looking over my shoulder. Never before have I read a description of some of the fears that have haunted me since childhood. Like Amanda, I was afraid to sleep away from my parents; like Amanda, I was ostracized and internalized it into proof of my own deep unworthiness; like Amanda, the bad things people promised me wouldn’t happen *did happen* and it left me thinking that I was the only responsible person around.
While this story didn’t directly mirror my own, parts were so spot-on that I had to take notes. And the ultimate conclusion—that those closest to her could not see her anxiety because they had their own, even if it looked different than hers—is the most compassionate realization I can imagine, especially given how many years Amanda went without a diagnosis.
This book may not mean anything to you if you have never been a worrier, or an anxious person, but if you have? There’s so much love in here.
While this story didn’t directly mirror my own, parts were so spot-on that I had to take notes. And the ultimate conclusion—that those closest to her could not see her anxiety because they had their own, even if it looked different than hers—is the most compassionate realization I can imagine, especially given how many years Amanda went without a diagnosis.
This book may not mean anything to you if you have never been a worrier, or an anxious person, but if you have? There’s so much love in here.
sleepybookclub's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
tense
medium-paced
3.5
While I did enjoy the story, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the audiobook. I’m not sure if the recording or the writing had me even more anxious and frustrated for much of her childhood and adult life. While this may have been the overall goal to demonstrate how severe her panic disorder was; as someone with anxiety, it would often trigger my own. I was suprised by some of the turns her life took, especially in her teenage years and her relation to taylor which were some of my favorite parts because it wasn’t expected at all!
jessicagatimu's review
2.0
I understand her anxiety as I have it too but the book just didn’t grab me. I made it through 1/2 but really didn’t care to finish :/
sidewalk_pirate's review
3.0
I liked how accurate the book was in describing how I feel most days. My anxieties are not quite as bad, but they are definitely there and definitely mess with my life. However, without wanting to detract from the author's life experiances, it was repetative and exhausting. I wish she would have gone more into the getting diagnosed part and why it made her feel better to just know, instead of making it sound like having a word for it is all she needed. It is hard work to live with anxiety and make it work. To celebrate the little victories. I applaud her for it. I applaud her for writing the book and putting it all out there. Anxiety disorde is an illness that can't really be seen and people therefore sometimes think it isn't real, or that sufferers can simply stop worrying. This book accurately describes that this is not the case and it is hard to read. I really wish it would have felt a little less hurried. Would have dwelled a bit more on why it took so long to get diagnosed. It is not unheard of that people go for years trying to , but not getting any help. I am really not sure entirely why I found this book so aweful. I guess I am just not a fan of the writing style. I feel I should give it more stars for the bravery of the author and the importance of the subject, but I just can't because parts were really hard to get through. I stopped 4 pages before the end of the book. I. Just. Could. Not. Take even one more word. Sorry.