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dari206's review against another edition
emotional
sad
fast-paced
2.0
I really did enjoy parts of this novel. As an Asian American, I understood some of the experiences that Zauner shared. I even live in the PNW, and many of my own cultural practices cross and blend with Korean ones. I think it helped me validate the difficulties that I experienced growing up as an immigrant with immigrant parents. I appreciated her highlighting the realities that resettled folks have to adjust to after moving to the United States.
My critique is that I was expecting more wisdom from her shared experience. Since Zauner a very popular artist and a biracial race woman, I do appreciate her sharing her story with the world. I am sure many people have had their experiences validated as well.
What I do not like is that she brushes over how she resolved and did not clearly come to a resolution in regards to the difficult relationship she had with her mother. She says she gave therapy a shot, but only mentioned her sessions and her disliking/aversion to it over a paragraph. While I respect she found resolution by reconnecting with food and YouTuber Maangchi, I feel that this memoir exemplified a terrible path of overcoming the trauma that her mother bestowed upon her. As someone who has had a very difficult relationship with my Asian mother, the novel made me feel inadequate for failing to seek and to repair a relationship with my own.
I appreciate Zauner and feel sorry for her loss, but this book simply felt like a trauma-dump session that really came with little to no resolution or disclosure. I believe Zauner should’ve taken more time to reflect on her experience and I hope that Asian Americans are able to ultimately seek therapy if they’ve had to endure intergenerational trauma.
My critique is that I was expecting more wisdom from her shared experience. Since Zauner a very popular artist and a biracial race woman, I do appreciate her sharing her story with the world. I am sure many people have had their experiences validated as well.
What I do not like is that she brushes over how she resolved and did not clearly come to a resolution in regards to the difficult relationship she had with her mother. She says she gave therapy a shot, but only mentioned her sessions and her disliking/aversion to it over a paragraph. While I respect she found resolution by reconnecting with food and YouTuber Maangchi, I feel that this memoir exemplified a terrible path of overcoming the trauma that her mother bestowed upon her. As someone who has had a very difficult relationship with my Asian mother, the novel made me feel inadequate for failing to seek and to repair a relationship with my own.
I appreciate Zauner and feel sorry for her loss, but this book simply felt like a trauma-dump session that really came with little to no resolution or disclosure. I believe Zauner should’ve taken more time to reflect on her experience and I hope that Asian Americans are able to ultimately seek therapy if they’ve had to endure intergenerational trauma.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Body shaming, Cancer, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Terminal illness, Abortion, Death of parent, and Gaslighting
kelisabeth's review against another edition
It's too triggering right now
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming, Cancer, Chronic illness, Death, Blood, and Death of parent
vb_marie's review against another edition
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
sad
tense
medium-paced
3.0
I found this book interesting but it doesn't match up with my personal preferences. I learned a lot about Korean food and the potential sources of culture clash between South Korean and American cultures. However, a good part of the book deals with sickness and grief without much comic relief. I usually prefer to read works that include at least some humor to soften the darker sides of the story.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming, Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Emotional abuse, Car accident, and Alcohol
Minor: Addiction and Abortion
shingekiyes's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
4.5
it feels sacrilegious to rate this below a 5, but i must be true to how i feel. i listened to the audiobook while traveling/sick, so i feel that i would have had a deeper experience if i had read the physical book in an environment more conducive to paying close attention.
(spoilers below)
this book was marketed to me by other readers as a book about “mommy issues.” it is that, but it is mostly a gruesome tale of cancer, death, and grief. it is one thing to reflect on a tense relationship with your mother, it is another to endure the trauma of stage four cancer, being a full-time caretaker, watching your parent die prematurely, and being left with a deep sense of regret and resentment with absolutely no closure. this is a book i would recommend (lightly) to friends who have had similar experiences who want to feel validated in their complex feelings about their parents. not everyone has “mommy moms” as Michelle puts it, and that’s okay.
i read a lot of books about mommy issues. i have mommy issues. and this memoir was absolutely visceral, but not in the ways i expected.
i loved how the story of Michelle and Chongmi was told through food, art, and music. Michelle has a way with words… you can tell she is gifted beyond the scope of her nonfiction writing. i felt like i could listen to her narrate recipes and grocery lists all day and not get bored.
while the elements of Michelle’s Korean identity were not applicable to my own experience, i could really feel her pain and understood her perspective very clearly. her story of childhood/teenage fear of fetishization, bullying, and othering was really eye-opening. i found myself really relating to her reflection on that time in her adolescence, the time where she would have done anything to separate herself from her mother, and how as an adult she would do anything to keep her mother inside her, embody her. i loved listening to Michelle grow throughout the overarching timeline. i loved seeing her embrace her Korean heritage, Korean food, Korean family, despite feeling alienated by it at times.
the most emotionally resonant part for me was when Michelle recounts a brief encounter between her and her mother. it was one of the few times they were along together, and Michelle remarked that it was nice that they were finally getting along as a mother and daughter should—they finally had something to talk about. Her mother looks to her and says she finally realized, “I have never met someone like you before.”
this memory—of finally arriving at the turning point in their relationship, with years ahead of understanding and possible friendship to look forward to—made Chongmi’s diagnosis all the more devastating. Michelle rightfully felt cheated out of “good years” with her mother, and i genuinely could feel her the ache of disappointment and the heat of her rage through her narration.
not only was that anger and regret very potent, but the related feeling of resentment towards her mother. questions of my own, painfully relatable, relationship with my family flooded my mind as i listened to Michelle’s flabbergasted response: what do you mean you never met someone like me before? you made me, you created me, i am you, you are me… why couldn’t we see that before? and why did it matter? why did you need to know me and understand me to love me?
throughout the book, one theme is abundantly clear: it is okay to have mixed feelings about our parents. it is okay to yearn for their love and approval, but know that they are flawed people too. we do not have to forgive them, but we must acknowledge their impact on our lives, and to a certain extent, their love.
also—as we get older, we begin to see our parents within us (like Chongmi’s art/paintings and Michelle’s music), and that’s okay. even if they hurt us, we are not them. we can hold pieces of them without being hurt again. there is hope for deeper connection, too, should we want for it.
in the end, i listened to Japanese Breakfast’s first album, Psychopomp as i reflected on the book. i was deeply touched by the influence of grief and growth on the band’s music, and seeing the album cover made me tear up. it is lovely to see that, despite the turmoil in their relationship, Michelle could honor her mother through her art.
Michelle Zauner has a unique and inspiring voice. this was a great read and i will definitely be coming back to it as i age and as i, hopefully, one day, reach that vital turning point with my own mother.
(spoilers below)
this book was marketed to me by other readers as a book about “mommy issues.” it is that, but it is mostly a gruesome tale of cancer, death, and grief. it is one thing to reflect on a tense relationship with your mother, it is another to endure the trauma of stage four cancer, being a full-time caretaker, watching your parent die prematurely, and being left with a deep sense of regret and resentment with absolutely no closure. this is a book i would recommend (lightly) to friends who have had similar experiences who want to feel validated in their complex feelings about their parents. not everyone has “mommy moms” as Michelle puts it, and that’s okay.
i read a lot of books about mommy issues. i have mommy issues. and this memoir was absolutely visceral, but not in the ways i expected.
i loved how the story of Michelle and Chongmi was told through food, art, and music. Michelle has a way with words… you can tell she is gifted beyond the scope of her nonfiction writing. i felt like i could listen to her narrate recipes and grocery lists all day and not get bored.
while the elements of Michelle’s Korean identity were not applicable to my own experience, i could really feel her pain and understood her perspective very clearly. her story of childhood/teenage fear of fetishization, bullying, and othering was really eye-opening. i found myself really relating to her reflection on that time in her adolescence, the time where she would have done anything to separate herself from her mother, and how as an adult she would do anything to keep her mother inside her, embody her. i loved listening to Michelle grow throughout the overarching timeline. i loved seeing her embrace her Korean heritage, Korean food, Korean family, despite feeling alienated by it at times.
the most emotionally resonant part for me was when Michelle recounts a brief encounter between her and her mother. it was one of the few times they were along together, and Michelle remarked that it was nice that they were finally getting along as a mother and daughter should—they finally had something to talk about. Her mother looks to her and says she finally realized, “I have never met someone like you before.”
this memory—of finally arriving at the turning point in their relationship, with years ahead of understanding and possible friendship to look forward to—made Chongmi’s diagnosis all the more devastating. Michelle rightfully felt cheated out of “good years” with her mother, and i genuinely could feel her the ache of disappointment and the heat of her rage through her narration.
not only was that anger and regret very potent, but the related feeling of resentment towards her mother. questions of my own, painfully relatable, relationship with my family flooded my mind as i listened to Michelle’s flabbergasted response: what do you mean you never met someone like me before? you made me, you created me, i am you, you are me… why couldn’t we see that before? and why did it matter? why did you need to know me and understand me to love me?
throughout the book, one theme is abundantly clear: it is okay to have mixed feelings about our parents. it is okay to yearn for their love and approval, but know that they are flawed people too. we do not have to forgive them, but we must acknowledge their impact on our lives, and to a certain extent, their love.
also—as we get older, we begin to see our parents within us (like Chongmi’s art/paintings and Michelle’s music), and that’s okay. even if they hurt us, we are not them. we can hold pieces of them without being hurt again. there is hope for deeper connection, too, should we want for it.
in the end, i listened to Japanese Breakfast’s first album, Psychopomp as i reflected on the book. i was deeply touched by the influence of grief and growth on the band’s music, and seeing the album cover made me tear up. it is lovely to see that, despite the turmoil in their relationship, Michelle could honor her mother through her art.
Michelle Zauner has a unique and inspiring voice. this was a great read and i will definitely be coming back to it as i age and as i, hopefully, one day, reach that vital turning point with my own mother.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Xenophobia, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Racial slurs, Racism, Toxic relationship, and Alcohol
Minor: Child abuse, Car accident, and Abortion
the_true_monroe's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Child abuse, Death, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Infidelity, Racism, Xenophobia, and Vomit
Minor: Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Abortion, and Abandonment
imscrem's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
It’s difficult for me to understand how to feel about this book. It’s very sad, and it’s very good. I have yet to experience loss in the way that the author did, but I can only hope that writing this book helped her cope with it.
Some of what the author said about being half Korean/half American resonated with me, although I’m half American half Czech. I often feel lost in my heritage language and culture as well, dismayed when people switch to English to explain things to me, and often expecting others to tell me that I am “enough” to fit in.
It was also nice to recognize the names of Korean foods I’ve learned to cook, and understand a lot of the Korean phrases used throughout the book.
Some of what the author said about being half Korean/half American resonated with me, although I’m half American half Czech. I often feel lost in my heritage language and culture as well, dismayed when people switch to English to explain things to me, and often expecting others to tell me that I am “enough” to fit in.
It was also nice to recognize the names of Korean foods I’ve learned to cook, and understand a lot of the Korean phrases used throughout the book.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Alcoholism, Body shaming, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Racism, Car accident, Abortion, and Alcohol
Minor: Infidelity, Rape, and Excrement
deadwhiterabbit's review against another edition
dark
emotional
funny
lighthearted
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Grief, and Death of parent
Minor: Body shaming, Bullying, Excrement, and Abortion
wanderlust_romance's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.25
Food as a connection vehicle to culture and memory is one of my very favorite concepts. And Crying in H Mart explores this with nuance throughout the narrative. Standing in an overly bright grocery aisle surrounded by endless packages of ramyun; assaulted by the scents of banchan in the refrigerated section; struggling to recall her mother's preferred brand of soy or fish sauce among a sea of choices. As Zauner vividly recounts the heart breaking and gut wrenching realities of caring for their terminally ill mother until her death, they provide care through their mother's favored Korean foods. Prior to their mother's illness and the fraught relationship during their teenage and early adult years, Zauner employs food to dive into memories of eating, care, extended family, and travel. If you are also interested in the complexities of "mother wounds," Crying in H Mart reflects on this with multi-faceted emotions. It's complicated and messy and hurtful and loving all at once.
Crying in H Mart also reflects thoughtfully on identity, as Zauner grapples with grief and their Korean-ness as a biracial person. Contemplating broad questions such as: Am I Korean enough? How do I connect with my Korean culture and relatives when the critical person who used to guide me through it is gone? How can I voice these reflections to my surviving parent? Will they even understand? Unmoored in a sea of grief, Zauner turns to cooking Korean dishes as a form of therapy/coping mechanism. Diligently following the recipes and instructions of YouTube star Maangchi, Zauner finds comfort in making the dishes and banchan her mother favored. (I loved this as a fellow Maangchi fan who watches her channel and cooks from her cookbooks <3)
The writing is vivid and lyrical, but at times difficult to follow on audio as it veered into stream of consciousness territory.
Crying in H Mart also reflects thoughtfully on identity, as Zauner grapples with grief and their Korean-ness as a biracial person. Contemplating broad questions such as: Am I Korean enough? How do I connect with my Korean culture and relatives when the critical person who used to guide me through it is gone? How can I voice these reflections to my surviving parent? Will they even understand? Unmoored in a sea of grief, Zauner turns to cooking Korean dishes as a form of therapy/coping mechanism. Diligently following the recipes and instructions of YouTube star Maangchi, Zauner finds comfort in making the dishes and banchan her mother favored. (I loved this as a fellow Maangchi fan who watches her channel and cooks from her cookbooks <3)
The writing is vivid and lyrical, but at times difficult to follow on audio as it veered into stream of consciousness territory.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Terminal illness, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Alcoholism, Vomit, Medical content, and Gaslighting
Minor: Body shaming
hufflepuffbiologybuff's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
3.25
The relationship between mother and daughter is honestly refreshing. I think some of us can relate. Some of the things said in anger to each other was inappropriate, which is often the case though the mom made a really low blow that stuck with me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Emotional abuse, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, and Death of parent
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Drug use, Fatphobia, Infidelity, Physical abuse, Racism, Excrement, and Car accident
Minor: Cursing, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, and Abortion
sophiesometimesreads's review
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
I don't rate memoirs but this was amazingly written and had such a profound effect on me. It has to be one of my favourite memoirs, despite not knowing who Michelle Zauner was prior to reading. I loved how raw Michelle was in her retelling of her and her parents' story, how she exposed the good and parts of herself in a way that was innately human. An interesting and complex representation of mother-daughter relationships and growing up Korean-American. At first, I wasn't sure about the non-linear retelling and, though maybe we did rehash the same events a couple times, I think it worked in favour of the story Michelle was portraying.
I would recommend this to anyone looking for a deep, emotional and real memoir, even if you aren't familiar with the author herself.
I would recommend this to anyone looking for a deep, emotional and real memoir, even if you aren't familiar with the author herself.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming
Minor: Infidelity and Abortion