rikakohlrabi's review against another edition
5.0
I don't know that you ever really finish a book like this. You just keep coming back to it again and again for little pearls of wisdom. Required reading for gender studies and gender questioning folk and really just about anyone who wants to understand gender better.
callmenocturne's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.75
goldenjunegem's review against another edition
informative
fast-paced
1.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism
laura_howard's review against another edition
3.0
Gender Studies. A playful examination of gender and sexuality. Extra and informative.
finesilkflower's review against another edition
2.0
I like the idea of a fun, quizzy, whimsical workbook you can do to figure out your personal relationship to gender. I thought it would be about helping questioning people figure out if they are trans/nonbinary/etc., but it's actually more like guiding the reader to understand gender as a theoretical system, question their assumptions, understand intersections of power. While Bornstein has definitely thought about the portion of their audience that is trans or questioning (there is a whole section on ways to "try on" different genders e.g. through gaming and drag), it feels like their primary audience is presumed-cis folks who haven't thought much about this stuff. It's not really the book's fault that I thought it was something else, but I do wish that other book existed.
As for what the book actually is, it's hard for me to evaluate because I'm not the primary audience; I think the quizzes and exercises could be a fun way to get people engaged who aren't used to thinking about gender, identity, sexuality, and systems of power. Personally, I found the constant whimsy grated a bit, but that's sort of what you're signing up for with this particular book. As with all Kate Bornstein books, there's a tendency to think of more genderqueer/nonbinary people as "more advanced" and more binary people as "gender novices" (as if once you have all the information you will of course be nonbinary), which is Bornstein's nonbinary gender entitlement showing.
As for what the book actually is, it's hard for me to evaluate because I'm not the primary audience; I think the quizzes and exercises could be a fun way to get people engaged who aren't used to thinking about gender, identity, sexuality, and systems of power. Personally, I found the constant whimsy grated a bit, but that's sort of what you're signing up for with this particular book. As with all Kate Bornstein books, there's a tendency to think of more genderqueer/nonbinary people as "more advanced" and more binary people as "gender novices" (as if once you have all the information you will of course be nonbinary), which is Bornstein's nonbinary gender entitlement showing.
librarydanielle's review against another edition
3.0
I thought this was done decently and had some good info, but for me it was too "cutesy" too "we're best buds, omg!" I do wish some of that had been dropped.
I also agree with a previous reviewer who did that this isn't going to change anyone's mind or make them THINK. It's written for people who already have an interest or reason to investigate.
so for me, it didn't fulfill what I was quite v hoping for. well thought out and well written, but not executed as week add it could have been. I thought the best part were the anecdotes and tweets in the side margins.
I also agree with a previous reviewer who did that this isn't going to change anyone's mind or make them THINK. It's written for people who already have an interest or reason to investigate.
so for me, it didn't fulfill what I was quite v hoping for. well thought out and well written, but not executed as week add it could have been. I thought the best part were the anecdotes and tweets in the side margins.
faethverity's review against another edition
3.0
This book is clearly valuable for some people. I am not part of its target audience, but wanted to engage with the material. I didn't finish because a lot of it just didn't speak to me.
catcherinthepi's review against another edition
3.0
3.5 stars? 3 stars? one of those. This is a hard book to rate. It helped me a bit, but there were a lot of things I didn't know how to react to or actually disagreed with.
I went through this book at my therapist's suggestion, in a series of workbooks/homework assignments to help me reflect on some things in my life. My therapist is a general fan of Bornstein and the be-your-own-fabulous-gender take on life.
I found the book helpful, not so much because it gave me profound insights on gender or the world, but because the quizzes and such served as a good springboard for examining myself. I found the perky, cheeky tone a bit tiresome, but I also recognize that's a personality thing. As an introverted and understated person, I'd interpret all the bits about being "fabulous" as being "authentic". I liked how the tone got more reflective and thoughtful as the book went on, and I think it was a good writing choice to lead with the fun quizzes. It's more approachable that way.
The target audience is probably somewhere between someone getting started with gender questioning and an open-minded cis and/or hetero friend in a disarming setting. It could be a good, light-hearted way to break the ice with straight friends. I think a book like this would be repulsive for people who very much subscribe to society's gender roles.
I thought the Adam and Eve bit towards the end was unnecessary and probably offensive for more religious folks; a less controversial story to illustrate the deep seededness of binaries in culture, society, and even morality could've been chosen. I get that it was chosen because of how much of a touchstone it is for a Western audience, though.
Something that could've helped may have been more substantial personal accounts of people with different genders, gender expressions, or sexualities than Bornstein. Their voice was pretty overwhelming at times. I've done other self-work workbooks before, and those have had more comprehensive anecdotes included as part of the text. In some we follow a few anonymized individuals throughout the book, with vignettes of each person in each chapter. In others there are bubbles of anonymized people's reactions to the concepts introduced. Here it would've been nice to have anecdotes pieced throughout to show the changes in several peoples' perceptions of gender (of their own gender or gender as a construct). That way, we learn "with" them, so to speak.
This is supposed to be a "fun" book, but it would've been good if there were at least some resources given for folks suffering from trauma, mental illness, abuse, or suicide ideation/attempts.
I'm white, so I can't speak to this well. But, this book felt pretty white queer for the most part, even if there were some acknowledgements of how race could impact one's gender. So I think there is room in the canon for a workbook for queer people of color BY queer people of color, at the very least.
I'm not on the asexuality spectrum (as far as I know??), so I can't speak to the ace representation, but it was provided as a smorgasbord of individual takes on it. Again, I think if Bornstein had included *personal anecdotes*, with one of which being someone on the ace spectrum, that could've ameliorated the situation a bit.
That was a bit long, but I hope that gives people context for how to read the book. I think it's useful to look over or work through. It's a book that's worth a gander for the work you can do in it, but take the author with a grain of salt.
I went through this book at my therapist's suggestion, in a series of workbooks/homework assignments to help me reflect on some things in my life. My therapist is a general fan of Bornstein and the be-your-own-fabulous-gender take on life.
I found the book helpful, not so much because it gave me profound insights on gender or the world, but because the quizzes and such served as a good springboard for examining myself. I found the perky, cheeky tone a bit tiresome, but I also recognize that's a personality thing. As an introverted and understated person, I'd interpret all the bits about being "fabulous" as being "authentic". I liked how the tone got more reflective and thoughtful as the book went on, and I think it was a good writing choice to lead with the fun quizzes. It's more approachable that way.
The target audience is probably somewhere between someone getting started with gender questioning and an open-minded cis and/or hetero friend in a disarming setting. It could be a good, light-hearted way to break the ice with straight friends. I think a book like this would be repulsive for people who very much subscribe to society's gender roles.
I thought the Adam and Eve bit towards the end was unnecessary and probably offensive for more religious folks; a less controversial story to illustrate the deep seededness of binaries in culture, society, and even morality could've been chosen. I get that it was chosen because of how much of a touchstone it is for a Western audience, though.
Something that could've helped may have been more substantial personal accounts of people with different genders, gender expressions, or sexualities than Bornstein. Their voice was pretty overwhelming at times. I've done other self-work workbooks before, and those have had more comprehensive anecdotes included as part of the text. In some we follow a few anonymized individuals throughout the book, with vignettes of each person in each chapter. In others there are bubbles of anonymized people's reactions to the concepts introduced. Here it would've been nice to have anecdotes pieced throughout to show the changes in several peoples' perceptions of gender (of their own gender or gender as a construct). That way, we learn "with" them, so to speak.
This is supposed to be a "fun" book, but it would've been good if there were at least some resources given for folks suffering from trauma, mental illness, abuse, or suicide ideation/attempts.
I'm white, so I can't speak to this well. But, this book felt pretty white queer for the most part, even if there were some acknowledgements of how race could impact one's gender. So I think there is room in the canon for a workbook for queer people of color BY queer people of color, at the very least.
I'm not on the asexuality spectrum (as far as I know??), so I can't speak to the ace representation, but it was provided as a smorgasbord of individual takes on it. Again, I think if Bornstein had included *personal anecdotes*, with one of which being someone on the ace spectrum, that could've ameliorated the situation a bit.
That was a bit long, but I hope that gives people context for how to read the book. I think it's useful to look over or work through. It's a book that's worth a gander for the work you can do in it, but take the author with a grain of salt.
giuliagulia's review against another edition
4.0
I would rather give this book a three and a half if I could, but I think this book is an important one. I didn't agree with everything Bornstein wrote, but it's hard to disagree that the book is easy, accessible, compassionate, and honestly, for myself and others, definitely helpful. If you can stand some uh....questionable language choices, I'd recommend it. Anyway this was a quick read for me. I wouldn't recommend it to cis people, partly for these linguistic issues, but also because this is really not a book for cis people. This is a book to help trans people figure ourselves out. Not that cis people can't read it, but that I doubt they'd get much out of it.
Anyway, a good read regardless, and if my description makes this book sound like a winner to you, I recommend it. It's easy, fairly quick, and compassionate.
Anyway, a good read regardless, and if my description makes this book sound like a winner to you, I recommend it. It's easy, fairly quick, and compassionate.