Reviews with content warning for Rape - If You Find Me

I have very mixed feelings about this book. It was such an easy read which was nice however a lot of the content was quite heavy as it focuses on severe child abuse. I also found the writing so strange as it was set in America but English terminology was used - for example crisps instead of chips.

I really enjoyed the character development - particularly Carey and Jenessa.

When Jenessa finally spoke out loud and was calling after the dog I was so happy!! /spoiler> I also really liked Melissa and the dad - very wholesome. I found Delaney very annoying tho.

I did find the plot really predictable which was quite disappointing

I pretty much knew from the first few chapters that she killed a man that raped her

I also think it was pretty random chucking in the love interest Ryan - I really liked his character but I just feel like it was thrown in.

I did like the happy ending, however I don’t think I would read the book again.

There really needs to be some content warnings about this book - Child rape.

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the_night_owl's review against another edition

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3.75

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conspystery's review against another edition

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dark emotional hopeful mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.25

I was so surprised by this book! I feel like there are a lot of novels these days that try to cover the same dark themes and subject matter that If You Find Me does, and they don’t often do it well, so I didn’t expect fantastic writing or conveyance of such intense material here. But If You Find Me is really good! It’s realistic and raw in its depictions of Carey’s grappling with her trauma, and the plot does not pull its punches when it matters.

I really like how If You Find Me emphasizes healing-- how it shows that recovering from trauma is nonlinear, and how complex it is in its presentation. Jenessa’s response to trauma is much different than Carey’s, and neither of them have a magical all-is-solved moment; the ways they come to healing take time and have depth. Their relationships with their new parents, their biological mother, and new sister are complex for the same reason. I particularly like how long it takes Carey to come to terms with her biological mother’s treatment. Murdoch doesn’t fall into the trap of having Carey immediately understand and forgive the abuse. I’m glad the book communicates that she doesn’t need to forgive it at all! She’s better off not doing so, instead moving on with her life and recontextualizing her happiness without her mother in the picture. The plotline with the violin especially emphasizes this. I really appreciate how multifaceted Murdoch allows her characters to be in their healing, especially Carey

(and especially considering the detail of what Carey calls the white-star night; it gives her character so much depth, since there’s no easy cut-and-dry resolution of that guilt.)

I think Delaney is also reasonably well-written in that regard, if a bit cliche.

I have mixed feelings about the romance between Ryan and Carey. Usually I think romance subplots are completely unnecessary in every regard, and to an extent I feel that’s true in If You Find Me, but it was surprisingly well-written here. Yes, Ryan’s actions and initial treatment of Carey are completely contrived in every sense of the word,

but it’s worked into the plot later on-- he treats her differently because he already knows who she is, which gives their entire situation more complexity (even if that detail itself if a little bit contrived, too.) Their relationship is rocky and complicated, especially in the context of Carey’s trauma.

Ryan is not a perfect all-in-one savior for Carey-- he helps her heal as a friend would, like Pixie does, like Jenessa does, and like their new parents do. So while I still think the romance aspect is unnecessary, I admit it’s well-done in this book, and I’m glad for that.

The last thing I want to mention is the writing. I think overall Murdoch does an excellent job of conveying Carey’s voice in the prose, even if it’s a little overwhelming at first. The first two paragraphs of this book are a great example of that. I like the detail of Carey’s accent in the beginning, how she tries to keep it out of her voice, and how it comes back when she’s stressed or remembering her time in the woods later on. The Tennessee backwoods affect and use of figurative language works really well when contrasted with all Carey doesn’t know about the world; the way she describes things she’s unfamiliar with using the language she knows is genuinely fascinating. I also love the way Carey talks about nature-- it holds a realistic sense of awe that gets funneled later into her wonder for the world outside of the backwoods. I like it a lot. Conversely, I also appreciate the frank, bleak prose we see when Carey talks about the worse parts of her upbringing; Murdoch expresses Carey’s recollection of her trauma authentically, avoiding overwhelm with the use of limited figurative language and casual avoidance of dwelling upon upsetting details. Limiting that detail, though, causes the recollections to hit even harder-- seeing how casually Carey addresses her trauma emphasizes how deeply she’s internalized it, which adds a lot of poignance to her character and the book’s themes.

There are a few moments that don’t work as well, though. One specific moment that I think is in poor taste is very early on, when Carey uses a simile with oddly specific, racist word choice. The narrative subtext isn’t clear on whether the author condemns that language or not, and overall I just don’t see why it was important to include. The implications are bad no matter how I look at it. There’s one other similar thing later where Pixie goes out of her way to add a no-homo clause onto the end of something she says. It just doesn’t feel necessary, and shows the book’s age. On a less serious note, a lot of Delaney’s dialogue was clunky; I don’t know if teenagers just spoke differently in 2013 when this book was published or if her speech was questionable then, too, but either way it doesn’t read very naturally. Her actions are well-written, though, so it’s bearable, and I got used to her demeanor by the end of the book. Those earlier moments of prejudice also seem to be outliers. I wish there was an updated version of this book that just didn’t have them.

Ultimately, I thought If You Find Me is a really solid novel with a good grasp on its characters and themes. Its insights into trauma are interesting, healing, complex, and well-developed; the same can be said for its characters. The writing is mostly really good, but a few issues with questionable language use have taken my rating of this book down by half a star. This is a great book for fans of Pretty Girl-13 by Liz Coley or Amy Chelsea Stacie Dee by Mary G. Thompson, the latter of which I highly recommend if you’re looking for a more recent-feeling exploration of If You Find Me’s themes and subject matter.

Content Warnings

keepsleep's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

Content Warnings

haleymaple's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

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