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nad_books623's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Wow this was a raw story that a lot of people in the lgbtq+ community can relate to while reading. The mother was so annoying and hypocritical. The whole time that she was reflecting towards the end of the book with the nursing home and her inner homophobia we never got to see her challenge her hypocrisy. Which, I guess makes the story more raw in a sense but still would be interested to see. I did like the stories comment on being elderly and what happens in society when someone no longer has a purpose.The scene when the reporters came to interview Jen was a good moment that showed how she was seen as disposable since she could not give what they wanted from her. Another moment in the book was towards the end when Jen is in the last nursing home and how the carer says they're all just going to die there always. I think this book also discusses well how care taking is a commodity in society and that due to capitalism people who need care do not get the proper care they need.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Chronic illness, Death, Homophobia, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Dementia, Grief, Medical trauma, Lesbophobia, Gaslighting, Abandonment, and Classism
Moderate: Physical abuse
Minor: Excrement and Vomit
zmeiat's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
This book made me think, at times, about the movie "All about my mother"/"Todo sobre mi madre" by Pedro Almodovar. They are different from each other in presentation and in overal message, but the vibes very definitely similar.
The writting was melancholic and engaging, especially with us being placed in the head of the mother and her battle with internalized prejudices that her own daughter directly challenges. This was a very strong book about the difficulties of life and how one at the end of the day simply should live through the coming tomorrows instead of the far future.
The writting was melancholic and engaging, especially with us being placed in the head of the mother and her battle with internalized prejudices that her own daughter directly challenges. This was a very strong book about the difficulties of life and how one at the end of the day simply should live through the coming tomorrows instead of the far future.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Dementia, and Lesbophobia
Moderate: Forced institutionalization
o_pixel's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia
daniellekat's review against another edition
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.0
Picked this up on a whim and although I didn’t hate it, it wasn’t really my cup of tea. It was difficult to distinguish dialogue from inner thoughts since there were no quotations used. I hated the vivid descriptions of bodily functions, but overall the writing was good and I would pick this author up again. I enjoyed the themes of this book and I appreciated that there wasn't an unbelievable turn around in attitude by the end but there was some character growth.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Excrement, Vomit, Dementia, and Lesbophobia
Moderate: Homophobia, Misogyny, and Violence
Minor: Death of parent
merbears's review against another edition
challenging
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Homophobia, Dementia, Medical trauma, and Lesbophobia
theliteraryteapot's review against another edition
dark
reflective
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Whilst not an easy read (especially as a bi woman) because the story is told through the pov of a homophobic mother, I'm glad I read this book. This short novel has a certain ambition, trying to examine several aspects of society. Homophobia, heteronormativity, ageism, poverty/low-paid job, loneliness, generational trauma (particularly passed on from mother to daughter), traditionalist society, the treatment of patients in a retirement home, ...
Maybe not perfect, this book still is quite significant, an important read. This story may feel like it's been done before but to me, growing up in a rural environment with homophobic family members, this is sadly a little too relatable (even down to the care assitant job).
Maybe not perfect, this book still is quite significant, an important read. This story may feel like it's been done before but to me, growing up in a rural environment with homophobic family members, this is sadly a little too relatable (even down to the care assitant job).
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Body horror, Death, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Sexism, Blood, Excrement, Medical content, Dementia, and Lesbophobia
Minor: Classism
pingi444's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Homophobia, Physical abuse, Toxic relationship, Excrement, Medical content, Dementia, Grief, Religious bigotry, Medical trauma, Lesbophobia, and Injury/Injury detail
crazytourists_books's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
I won't lie, this is a hard book to read. Not because it uses a hard to understand language. On the contrary, it is very simple and straightforward. It is hard to read (in some places unbearable) because the issues that it deals with and the way it deals with them are brutal; homophobia, patriarchy, solitude, ageism, dementia, domestic violence.
It is hard to like the protagonist, but it is also hard to dislike her; she grew up in a deeply patriarchal and homophobic society that turns a blind eye to the struggles of others. Is that an excuse? No, of course it isn't, but it is that much harder to hate someone who has love as their starting point. They disappoint you, thwy make you angry and frustrated, but you hope that they'll find the way to do the right thing and shake all this dead weight (of the patriarchy and self centered view of the world) of their shoulder. And be better. Do better.
The author doesn't take sides, and I enjoyed that. She lets her protagonist do the talking and grow through the hardships, and errors, and fears and become a better person, show compassion, acceptance, and maybe, understanding.
It is hard to like the protagonist, but it is also hard to dislike her; she grew up in a deeply patriarchal and homophobic society that turns a blind eye to the struggles of others. Is that an excuse? No, of course it isn't, but it is that much harder to hate someone who has love as their starting point. They disappoint you, thwy make you angry and frustrated, but you hope that they'll find the way to do the right thing and shake all this dead weight (of the patriarchy and self centered view of the world) of their shoulder. And be better. Do better.
The author doesn't take sides, and I enjoyed that. She lets her protagonist do the talking and grow through the hardships, and errors, and fears and become a better person, show compassion, acceptance, and maybe, understanding.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia and Dementia
jesshindes's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
I read this for book group and found it super interesting. The protagonist/narrator is a middle-aged woman who works in a care home, looking after Jen, who used to be a well-known activist and is now suffering with dementia. As the book opens, the narrator's daughter, Green, who is precariously employed as a university lecturer (holler to all my traumatised PhD friends), is asking her for financial help; in the end, this takes the shape of a place to stay. Green moves into the narrator's house, and so does her girlfriend Lane. This is a big problem for the narrator, who's clinging to the homophobic belief that the relationship (which has lasted several years) is just a bit of youthful foolishness; that her daughter will settle down in the right way, with a man, and have a family.
I hadn't read anything with a protagonist quite like this before. In lots of ways, the narrator is unsympathetic. She doesn't try very hard to understand Green's perspective; she chooses, repeatedly, to be rude to Lane (who is both kind and understanding, more so than the narrator deserves). She invalidates and questions her daughter's life - her job, her relationship - again and again. "If your relationship was legitimate, you'd be able to get married," she tells Green, clinging to the authority of a society that Kim shows elsewhere to be manifestly unjust: in its treatment of insecurely employed lecturers like Green, of LGBTQ+ people, of the elderly in the care home where the narrator works. I thought that in particular was realistic; that someone very much screwed over by the system might cling to its authority even more tightly.
Despite all of this, Kim also shows us the beginnings of a more complicated understanding. This manifests initially at work. The narrator isn't able to treat Jen in the way that her manager instructs her to. She can't stop caring about or for her. She tries to find her family, or an equivalent of family; because she believes, very strongly, in the obligations of children and parents to one another (which is why she takes Green into her house despite her reluctance). Within all of this is an understanding that Jen's life has been lived outside normal social bounds. She wasn't married, didn't have children. And still the narrator can't bring herself to throw her away. This, and the escalating crisis at Green's university, start to shake the narrator's belief system just a little.
The book doesn't resolve neatly, with the narrator seeing the light. She's still very limited in the degree to which she's willing to accept Green and Lane. But things do begin - have begun - to change, which feels maybe more realistic. As I said, I hadn't read anything quite like this before. It was knotty, problematic. But I enjoyed it.
I hadn't read anything with a protagonist quite like this before. In lots of ways, the narrator is unsympathetic. She doesn't try very hard to understand Green's perspective; she chooses, repeatedly, to be rude to Lane (who is both kind and understanding, more so than the narrator deserves). She invalidates and questions her daughter's life - her job, her relationship - again and again. "If your relationship was legitimate, you'd be able to get married," she tells Green, clinging to the authority of a society that Kim shows elsewhere to be manifestly unjust: in its treatment of insecurely employed lecturers like Green, of LGBTQ+ people, of the elderly in the care home where the narrator works. I thought that in particular was realistic; that someone very much screwed over by the system might cling to its authority even more tightly.
Despite all of this, Kim also shows us the beginnings of a more complicated understanding. This manifests initially at work. The narrator isn't able to treat Jen in the way that her manager instructs her to. She can't stop caring about or for her. She tries to find her family, or an equivalent of family; because she believes, very strongly, in the obligations of children and parents to one another (which is why she takes Green into her house despite her reluctance). Within all of this is an understanding that Jen's life has been lived outside normal social bounds. She wasn't married, didn't have children. And still the narrator can't bring herself to throw her away. This, and the escalating crisis at Green's university, start to shake the narrator's belief system just a little.
The book doesn't resolve neatly, with the narrator seeing the light. She's still very limited in the degree to which she's willing to accept Green and Lane. But things do begin - have begun - to change, which feels maybe more realistic. As I said, I hadn't read anything quite like this before. It was knotty, problematic. But I enjoyed it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia
Moderate: Ableism
kate_ka's review against another edition
challenging
slow-paced
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
Die Perspektive finde ich interessant. Fand es aber dadurch, dass ich eher wie die Tochter bin, sehr schwer, mich mit der Erzählerin zu identifizieren. Glaube, es ist ein Buch, das mir mehr und mehr zeigt, je tiefer ich darüber nachdenke.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia and Lesbophobia
Moderate: Death, Forced institutionalization, Medical content, and Classism
Minor: Hate crime and Police brutality