Reviews with content warning for Dementia - Sobre mi hija

"In other words, what worries me isn't death, but life."

This book was truly an emotional experience. The LGBTQIA+ community and East Asian culture are rarely seen intersecting, and that is partly why 'Concerning My Daughter' was such a special read. Written in the perspective of a homophobic older mother, though of course does not align with my personal values, was incredibly interesting and one that is not generally covered. To see the inner turmoil of a mother who simultaneously loves her child, yet hates her for who she is, was quite honestly heart-wrenching. It's easy to assume that someone who opposes their child's sexuality would simply be a fistful of blind rage and ignorance, however Kim Hye-jin illuminated that this isn't always the case. The maternal need, especially that of Asian heritage where the parental role is heavily emphasised as a duty in life, to ensure the security of their child's future was what fuelled the mother's disapproval. Not wanting her daughter to live a life of struggle, a life similar to hers or the elderly patient she cares for. And for that reason, I found myself thinking many a time that should I ever find myself in the terrifying world of motherhood, I ought to return to this book.

Homophobia aside, I saw many similarities in thinking between Green's mother and my own; between her and the other women in my family. East and South Asian morals and perspectives do not seem to differ much; hearing concerns about reputation and 'what would people say?' hit pretty close to home. Being so rooted in cultural values is a common cause of conflict between Asian generations, and to see this being represented was truly touching. It is certainly an important conversation that needs to be had more often; how traditions being challenged is sometimes necessary to progress, rather than refusing to let go and in turn building walls against those who agree and those who do not.

Content Warnings

elletudie's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

Content Warnings

hippiequeen's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional reflective sad tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

This book was a great insight into a more conservative culture / point of view. I loved reading it, it enriches the experience of the reader since it is written by a Korean author and translated into English by a queer woman.

Content Warnings

kirstym25's review against another edition

Go to review page

challenging emotional medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

1.5

Content Warnings

readingthroughinfinity's review against another edition

Go to review page

dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

Thanks to the publisher for sending me an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

This was a really reflective novel about growing old, queer relationships, and the idea of what a family 'should' look like. There were some incredibly sad moments as the main character reflects on the declining health of a woman she looks after at a care home and how nobody comes to visit her. There were also frustrating moments when the mc refused to accept that her daughter's girlfriend, Lane, was actually her girlfriend and couldn't bring herself to be polite to her (despite Lane being nothing but kind to the mother). The story gives us a lot to think about in terms of life decisions, caring for others, and societal and organisational prejudices.

Full RTC closer to publication date.

Content Warnings

veronikav's review against another edition

Go to review page

challenging emotional reflective tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

(taken from my blog review)

[...] Už proto, že i já jsem se byla schopná vidět v postavě Green, bylo frustrující knihu číst. Postava matky je neskutečně tvrdohlavá a často sobecká. Ačkoliv jsem jí chtěla mít ráda a chtěla s ní cítit soucit, pokaždé přišla metaforická facka nějakým dalším monologem o tom, jak je příšerná tragédie, že její dcera si dovoluje žít vlastní, nonkonformní život. Matka si nárokuje rozhodování o své dceři a nedochází jí, že její dcera není nešťastná, protože je lesba a nemá normální život, ale právě kvůli lidem, kteří ji odmítají respektovat, kteří se ji aktivně snaží změnit a její život udělat těžkým. Tedy - takto jsem na to alespoň pohlížela pokud šlo o vztah matky a dcery.

Ale matka také chápala nesmyslnost systému, který odkládá staré lidi na vedlejší kolej. Systému, který se bezostyšně chová k Jenny jako k překážce.

Spoiler

Žena, kterou kdysi oslavoval svět, která skončí v příšerném ústavu, kde jí předávkovávají sedativy.

Copak si neuvědomuje, že protest vůči homofobní společnosti, který podniká dcera je zanícen tím samým pocitem nespravedlnosti, když vidí jak se chovají vůči staré ženě bez rodiny?

Skrze dramatické události nakonec musí matka konfrontovat svůj strach z reality a naučit se smířit se situací. Jinak riskuje, že svou dceru úplně ztratí.

Content Warnings

More...