dorothy_gale's review
5.0
‘VULNERABILITY IS A WEAKNESS’ IS A CULTURAL MYTH. This was a quick book with a lot of information to process. I love Dr. Brené Brown’s straight-shooter style. She’s vulnerable about her own struggle with vulnerability, and that makes all the difference. And after 12 years of groundbreaking research, she could have EASILY made this book more than 287 pages, but she somehow manages not to be just a researcher/storyteller, but a miracle worker too! She provides concepts, summaries of her research, and stories of real people bundled together with sporadic swearing and amusing humor. Some of my key takeaways:
• “YOU CAN’T SWING A CAT WITHOUT HITTING THE NARCISSIST.” I had never heard the first part of this idiom before, and of course I thought it was a feline kind of cat. But it refers to the cat o’ nine tails, which I also didn’t know. Weird name for a whip. But she referenced another book on the growing prevalence of narcissists, and offered an alternative view on narcissists which is hard for me to swallow right now -- but still very interesting.
• We live in a culture of scarcity -- “never enough.”
• Three sources of scarcity: shame, comparison, and disengagement.
• INQUIRY: How are our struggles and behaviors related to protecting ourselves?
• Three other myths about vulnerability: (1) I don't do vulnerability, (2) vulnerability is letting it all hang out, and (3) we can go it alone.
• We use at least three types of armor to protect our vulnerabilities: (1) not letting ourselves experience joy, (2) perfectionism, and (3) numbing.
• It’s possible to become shame resilient! Sharing your shameful stories with your loved ones or those close to you would help you be shame resilient. When your share shameful moments, it gets diminished, and you gain victory over it.
• She only listens to feedback from people who are “in the arena.”
• She distinguishes between aspirational values and practice values, and we need to mind the gap.
• She says the “strategy vs culture” debate is a false dichotomy; we need both.
There was probably more I will remember later! This book has a 4.27-star average rating by 166,688 reviewers. I will definitely read more of her other books!
• “YOU CAN’T SWING A CAT WITHOUT HITTING THE NARCISSIST.” I had never heard the first part of this idiom before, and of course I thought it was a feline kind of cat. But it refers to the cat o’ nine tails, which I also didn’t know. Weird name for a whip. But she referenced another book on the growing prevalence of narcissists, and offered an alternative view on narcissists which is hard for me to swallow right now -- but still very interesting.
• We live in a culture of scarcity -- “never enough.”
• Three sources of scarcity: shame, comparison, and disengagement.
• INQUIRY: How are our struggles and behaviors related to protecting ourselves?
• Three other myths about vulnerability: (1) I don't do vulnerability, (2) vulnerability is letting it all hang out, and (3) we can go it alone.
• We use at least three types of armor to protect our vulnerabilities: (1) not letting ourselves experience joy, (2) perfectionism, and (3) numbing.
• It’s possible to become shame resilient! Sharing your shameful stories with your loved ones or those close to you would help you be shame resilient. When your share shameful moments, it gets diminished, and you gain victory over it.
• She only listens to feedback from people who are “in the arena.”
• She distinguishes between aspirational values and practice values, and we need to mind the gap.
• She says the “strategy vs culture” debate is a false dichotomy; we need both.
There was probably more I will remember later! This book has a 4.27-star average rating by 166,688 reviewers. I will definitely read more of her other books!
absolutelyfatal's review
hopeful
slow-paced
1.5
I decided to read this after watching a two minute animated clip regarding empathy versus sympathy, that blurb really resonated in a course in my masters of education in counseling program. This book didn't not live up to that video, at all.This book started off decently but as soon as I hit the Harry Potter metaphor I began to fall asleep. There is so, so, so much anecdotal evidence in this. An awful lot of it is simply common sense worded well. However, this easily could have been a 20-30 page essay. I listened to the audio book at 1.75 speed and it still dragged on. If she did a 20 minute shame and vulnerability TED talk, it'd probably be a hit.... But her taking about how many lectures she's given and how much she's done filled in with so many anecdotes just isn't it.
kstookley's review
5.0
Speaking from the perspective of someone who has seen Brown's Ted talks and Netflix special, a lot of this is familiar. Still, she puts in anecdotes and analogies that didn't make the cut for these specials-- like her "marble jar friends" description of those people whose opinion truly matters because they invest in you and you invest in them. Continually called in by her descriptions of how people avoid being vulnerable (and thus avoid happiness). Her admission of her own stubbornness when it comes to these topics puts her on the side of the reader, rather than a so-called expert, which makes her analysis feel more real. Y'all should read it, and hopefully practice what she preaches (it is way harder than it sounds, I am sure).
mlsteven426's review
5.0
Basically a written version of her TED talk, more powerful coming directly from her mouth but still a great read and made me less leery of self-help books.
lucie18nt's review
informative
3.25
I feel like there’s a lot of repetition across Brené Brown’s books so the more I read the less new content I find. However, repetition is a great learning tool and I really enjoy her easy to read style.
The message of differentiating guilt from shame stuck with me and I appreciate her take on vulnerability. There was a bit too much fluff in this book for my liking though.
The message of differentiating guilt from shame stuck with me and I appreciate her take on vulnerability. There was a bit too much fluff in this book for my liking though.
lory_enterenchanted's review
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
Some good information and advice, somewhat padded out with narrative that strove to connect with the everyday, while claiming to be based on solid research. I was not always enamored of Brown's folksy style, which I think would come across better in person.
Also, I think her part about shame is a bit off; elsewhere I have seen the difference not between shame and guilt, but between a closed cycle of shame that encourages shutting down and silence, and an opening spiral of 'Pro-social shame' that encourages confession and reparation for one's faults. I think that's a better way to think about it.
It is clear however that how we cope with shame is a major factor in how our psyches are formed, and any discussion of how to do that in a healthier way is all to the good.
Also, I think her part about shame is a bit off; elsewhere I have seen the difference not between shame and guilt, but between a closed cycle of shame that encourages shutting down and silence, and an opening spiral of 'Pro-social shame' that encourages confession and reparation for one's faults. I think that's a better way to think about it.
It is clear however that how we cope with shame is a major factor in how our psyches are formed, and any discussion of how to do that in a healthier way is all to the good.
nbcknwlf's review
1.0
I couldn't finish this. First of all, the kindle edition I got (thankfully for free) has a ton of typos. Not a dealbreaker, but distracting. Also, to echo some of the other reviews - I found her style hard to follow, kind of all
over the place. Most importantly, I just don't understand the hype. Several women whose opinions I really value recommended Brené Brown to me, and maybe she's just a better experience in person.
This book seems to basically say feelings are good and you should express them if you want to really connect with people. Great advice but you don't need hundreds of pages to convey that. I skimmed the rest of the book after the first few chapters hoping it'd get better, but doesn't seem like it.
Also, she refers frequently to Her Research, but it's all pretty vague and general. I would love to know more about it but it's not treated in any great detail. It felt dumbed-down.
I strongly suspect it'd be much more interesting to hear this person speak than to read her book (haven't checked the TED talk yet). And if this book is helpful to you as it seems to be to many then I am truly glad. But for me I feel like this is stuff I've read already and I don't need to read it again.
over the place. Most importantly, I just don't understand the hype. Several women whose opinions I really value recommended Brené Brown to me, and maybe she's just a better experience in person.
This book seems to basically say feelings are good and you should express them if you want to really connect with people. Great advice but you don't need hundreds of pages to convey that. I skimmed the rest of the book after the first few chapters hoping it'd get better, but doesn't seem like it.
Also, she refers frequently to Her Research, but it's all pretty vague and general. I would love to know more about it but it's not treated in any great detail. It felt dumbed-down.
I strongly suspect it'd be much more interesting to hear this person speak than to read her book (haven't checked the TED talk yet). And if this book is helpful to you as it seems to be to many then I am truly glad. But for me I feel like this is stuff I've read already and I don't need to read it again.