Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'

Una vita come tante by Hanya Yanagihara

1811 reviews

candoreads's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? No
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

0.25

If I could give this book zero stars, I would. I want to preface this review by saying it is going to be LITTERED with spoilers. I'll try to mark them, but you don't want to read this review if you don't want the book spoiled for you, but I'll tell you when we get there. The writing in this book is pretentious. It's preachy, and goes in circles, and circles, and circles, and circles, for 800 pages. For 800 pages this book says the same thing over and over and over again. Using the same metaphor and the same flowery language to make it seem smarter and more interesting. The spoilers start now. The characters in this book are terrible, and I am about to say things that are going to make me sound like a horrible, unempathetic, uncaring, and hateful person. Jude is the worst character in this book. He is a bad friend and a bad person. Yes, he has had HORRIBLE things happen to him and that is terrible. But your trauma is not an excuse for how you treat your friends. Jude pushed his friends away, and held them at arm's length all because he thought so horribly and hatefully of himself. He expected everyone who cared about him to leave and tried to push them into leaving, but then if they did leave, then they were only proving him right in that he was worthless. Jude needed immense amount of therapy and the fact that he refused to seek help and to try to live his life and get better makes him a bad person. You trauma can explain how and why you act but it is not an excuse for how and why you act. When you realize that your trauma is affecting your relationships, or you have someone point it out to you, then it is your responsibility as a functioning adult in society to do what you need to get better. Go to a Buddhist camp, seek therapy, move to a nudist colony, go backpacking through the mountains, touch grass, I literally don't care what it is, but you have to do it. Jude had every person in his corner, loving friends, a SOULMATE (because that's what he and Willem were), parents who loved him, a doctor/friend who cared for him IMMENSELY, and he threw it away. He wasted his life hating himself and full of regret. And you know what? Maybe I am a bad person, but karma came for him. He tried to kill himself and thought that it would make everyone's life better and karma showed him that having someone you love with your entire being die and leave you is the worst thing imaginable. I have never hated a book or a character as much as I loathe this one. I only finished this book because I don't DNF books and because I have a rule that you can only review a book if you've finished it, because what if the books gets better and you gave up? THIS BOOK DOES NOT DO THAT! I am angry writing this review, angry that I read 800 pages of a man throwing a pity party for his entire life JUST FOR HIM TO KILL HIMSELF IN THE END ANYWAY. This book is going on my bookshelf, because to donate it or give it to anyone else is a punishment I would not wish on my worst enemy.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Chronic illness, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Forced institutionalization, Vomit, and Suicide attempt

hjb_128's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Biphobia, Body horror, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Confinement, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Gore, Homophobia, Infidelity, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Racism, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Vomit, Medical content, Trafficking, Kidnapping, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Alcohol, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail

jamielo's review against another edition

dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Body horror, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Toxic relationship, Medical content, Kidnapping, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, and Injury/Injury detail

sanlisam's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional inspiring reflective sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Incest, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Blood, Medical content, Kidnapping, Grief, Car accident, Suicide attempt, and Death of parent

angeljohn's review against another edition

emotional reflective sad tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Ok this book is a mammoth and so this will be long. It was engaging, I kept reading, and I’ll think about this book so why no 5 stars? Well, I struggle with discerning if this was trauma 🌽 or a complex narrative with complex people but both could be true I suppose. 

I think I’ll continue to think about the role of friends and romantic partners. How much do you owe someone with relaying the details of your life but even more so how you can hurt them hiding yourself, but also how you can hurt them sharing. 

I guess I haven’t had a repeated traumatic experience definitely not to the extent of Jude.. but to be well into adulthood holding the intellect he does, it was painful for me as the reader to see him unable to comprehend the idea of being groomed or even more so just how he was a victim. I feel like so much healing could’ve happened if that was understood— but cant blame the victim.. 

The way therapy was viewed kinda rubbed me the wrong way, but I respected how characters were self aware and still said maybe the “wrong thing” or felt “the wrong way” they were human. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Body horror, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Violence, Grief, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail

tamaragrp's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Violence, Blood, and Suicide attempt

Moderate: Ableism, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Death, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Kidnapping, Car accident, Gaslighting, and Alcohol

julells's review against another edition

challenging emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

I'm soooo conflicted about this book. First of all, I absolutely adore the writing style. However the topics are definitely very heavy and I feel some aspects, especially regarding mental health, are slightly unrealistic. Overall, I definitely knew what to expect getting into this book and got through it, but there's just something about it that doesn't quite sit right with me.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Body horror, Body shaming, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Vomit, Medical content, Medical trauma, Car accident, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Alcohol, Sexual harassment, and Injury/Injury detail

Minor: Cancer

chefjeng's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

I don't know where to start with this one. Why did I put myself through this? Fuck this book! Am I glad I read it? Yes. Would I ever recommend it to someone else? Hell no. 
I thoroughly enjoyed the depiction of deep friendship, love and loyalty but I did find the misery of Jude's life over wrought at times and ridiculous to the point of far fetched at points but the treatment of grief, self harm and the legacy and effects of childhood trauma and abuse is vivid, raw and well done. The prose is beautiful and I will probably read more by the author, but I need a break after this one!
Twice (after the adoption and the start of Jude and Willem's romantic relationship) I wanted the story to end to have at least some semblance of a happy ending, but that wasn't to be and somehow I kept going to the end. Self harm episode after self harm episode, gut wrenching story after gut wrenching story. 
The "gay men are all paedophiles or doomed to live depressing lives and die full of shame and misery" trope wearing at times but I loved Jude, and most of all I loved Willem so I stayed with them till the end. Would I do it again? Yes. Should I? No. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Suicide attempt, Fire/Fire injury, Outing, and Injury/Injury detail

Moderate: Ableism, Addiction, Drug abuse, Drug use, Terminal illness, Dementia, Fire/Fire injury, Cultural appropriation, and Classism

Minor: Ableism, Dementia, Abandonment, and Alcohol

komiification's review against another edition

dark emotional hopeful reflective sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

I need to think about this because I was so tempted to give this 5 stars up until the ending.. So I have very conflicting feelings at the moment... 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Chronic illness, Cursing, Death, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Blood, Grief, Suicide attempt, and Sexual harassment

Moderate: Ableism, Child death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Infidelity, Panic attacks/disorders, Toxic relationship, Forced institutionalization, Vomit, Medical content, Car accident, Death of parent, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Abandonment, Alcohol, and Injury/Injury detail

Minor: Cancer

krotis's review against another edition

dark emotional sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? N/A
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

Intense, a little too intense at times especially as someone with a history of self-harm, and I was tempted to give it a lower rating, but the attachments it creates with its characters cause me to be lenient. The story also undergoes a drastic and frustrating shift in focus from being about four friends to just two, with mention of the other characters being only in passing. Good, but not as good as I had hoped. 3.5 stars.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Medical content, Suicide attempt, and Injury/Injury detail