Reviews with content warning for Death - I Was Born for This

That's why people get into fandom and bands and stuff. They just want to hold on to something that makes them feel good. Even if it's all a big lie.

Have you ever loved something (a book, a show, a band) so much that you made it your entire personality? Have you ever felt that you needed it to survive? That you would simply lose the will to live if you didn't get another book, another episode, another song? Angel Rahimi has, and so have I, and that's what makes I Was Born for This such an absolute gem.

CW: panic attacks, anxiety, transphobia, biphobia, depression, suicide (mentioned), parental abandonment, death of a loved one (mentioned), alcohol abuse, assault

One of my favorite aspects of this book is how it's, in essence, a love letter to fandom and the way it brings people together.

Angel Rahimi lives for one thing: The Ark, a boyband catapulting to stardom. She's followed The Ark from their early days on YouTube, runs a popular Twitter account dedicated to them, and has ditched her school's "leaving ceremony" in order to attend the last concert on their tour before they sign a new contract and (fingers crossed) make it big in the United States.

In order to attend said concert, Angel plans to stay with her internet friend of two years, Juliet Schwartz. Angel and Juliet talk nearly every day online, and they share one major thing in common: their love of The Ark. They've never met in person.

Angel and Juliet fangirl over The Ark's public appearances, attend a fan meetup, and even plan to do a meet and greet before the concert. There's a deeper story to be explored here between Angel and Juliet: Spoilerwhile Angel is busy fangirling over The Ark, Juliet's life appears to be falling apart, and in the end we get a gentle reminder that people are more than the things they love, and sometimes (often times) there are things more important than boy bands.

Seeing Angel's love for The Ark and its fans reminded me of how much I love my fandoms, including the people I met along the way, and how meaningful they were and continue to be in my life.

This isn't just a story about Angel, though. It's told from dual first person perspective, with alternating chapters told from Angel's POV and Jimmy's POV.

Jimmy Kaga-Ricci is The Ark's frontman, and life has changed so drastically in such a short period of time that he's just trying to stay afloat. Playing with The Ark is all he's ever wanted, but he finds that it often only exacerbates his anxiety. The Ark's fangirls perceive a romance between him and his best friend and bandmate, Rowan Omondi. They read into their every interaction, write erotic fanfiction, tweet about every brief glance. (What they don't know: Rowan has a secret girlfriend, Bliss Lai, who desperately wants her life to stay normal.)

As their stories begin to intersect, we see from Angel's perspective how perhaps our idols are not what they seem, and from Jimmy's we see that even the most passionate fans can still be kind, caring, and empathetic human beings. In the end, maybe that's all any of us want: to be seen as human.

Being a fan isn’t always about the thing you’re a fan of. Okay, well, it sort of is, but there is much more to it than just going online and screaming that you love something. Being a fan has given me people to talk to about the things that I like for the past five years. Being a fan has made me better friends online than I’ve ever encountered in real life; it has entered me into a community where people are joined in love and passion and hope and joy and escape. Being a fan has given me a reason to wake up, something always to look forward to, something to dream about while I’m trying to fall asleep.

Content Warnings