kojali's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
tense
medium-paced
4.0
I’m writing this is a 22 year old woman that might be considered a blazing feminist. That is my bias.
I thought this was an excellent introduction into an extremely nuanced conversation. I was pleased to see Orenstein interview a more diverse range of young men than she did in her previous book. This book opened my perspective to issues I’ve never considered in depth - performance anxiety, porn usage, men’s suppression of their emotions (which women are partly responsible for), men’s perspective on hookup culture, etc. I feel thankful to have read this book and expanded my horizons more. We must listen to all sides of the story for change to occur.
The reason this isn’t a 5 stars is because of some blanket statements Orenstein made. I know she is not speaking for all American young men, but her rhetoric sometimes alluded to that. For example, I don’t think that ALL young men are focused on their own desires more so than the emotional health of their female partner. I think a strong portion of young men are - as a result of media, porn, and America’s detrimental sex education situation - but not all. Some statements were just too far reaching for me, even as a feminist.
I thought this was an excellent introduction into an extremely nuanced conversation. I was pleased to see Orenstein interview a more diverse range of young men than she did in her previous book. This book opened my perspective to issues I’ve never considered in depth - performance anxiety, porn usage, men’s suppression of their emotions (which women are partly responsible for), men’s perspective on hookup culture, etc. I feel thankful to have read this book and expanded my horizons more. We must listen to all sides of the story for change to occur.
The reason this isn’t a 5 stars is because of some blanket statements Orenstein made. I know she is not speaking for all American young men, but her rhetoric sometimes alluded to that. For example, I don’t think that ALL young men are focused on their own desires more so than the emotional health of their female partner. I think a strong portion of young men are - as a result of media, porn, and America’s detrimental sex education situation - but not all. Some statements were just too far reaching for me, even as a feminist.
sde's review against another edition
3.0
I read Girls & Sex and gave it 5 stars. I only gave this one 3 stars, probably because some of it did not sound new to me after reading the first book. I felt like the Girls one went into more depth in the girls' experiences. But this book is important because boys are often left out of the equation except when they are sexual predators/aggressors. This has more information about their emotions and obstacles they encounter that we wouldn't think of.
One thing that stood out to me is how many boys (about 25%) felt they were coerced into sex or even assaulted but never, never felt they could talk about it because they were supposed to be happy and excited that this happened to them. Also frightening is that boys that were coerced or forced into sexual experiences by girls tended to react by becoming more hateful or disdainful of women, probably because it is the main way society allows them to react.
A related and upsetting point from the book is that 75% of Americans had negative first sexual experiences and wished they had waited. The numbers are much lower in European countries. So, obviously, we have a huge consent problem going on her as well as difficulty talking about this. Although we have been talking more about consent, after reading this book, I am worried that some of the discussion may make it even more difficult for boys who feel coerced because they talk tends to focus on females' consent.
Another disturbing thing is how boys who wanted to speak up about anti-female "locker room talk" faced big obstacles. Boys who did so were often shunned by their male peers. Some boys even ended up quitting sports that they loved because they couldn't handle the attitudes of their teammates. Several years ago when President Trump said his misogynist speech was just "locker room talk" many men said that that sort of talk did not happen in their locker rooms, but this book indicates that it still does. A lot. Lacrosse lived up to its stereotype in this book as being especially bad. Orenstein cites statistics showing males in varsity sports and fraternities are more likely to commit sexual assault, so these seem like good places to start giving really intense sex and relationship education.
The boys interviewed for this book seem to have had a lot more sexual experiences than the girls interviewed for Girls & Sex, so am curious if they skew older.
One thing that stood out to me is how many boys (about 25%) felt they were coerced into sex or even assaulted but never, never felt they could talk about it because they were supposed to be happy and excited that this happened to them. Also frightening is that boys that were coerced or forced into sexual experiences by girls tended to react by becoming more hateful or disdainful of women, probably because it is the main way society allows them to react.
A related and upsetting point from the book is that 75% of Americans had negative first sexual experiences and wished they had waited. The numbers are much lower in European countries. So, obviously, we have a huge consent problem going on her as well as difficulty talking about this. Although we have been talking more about consent, after reading this book, I am worried that some of the discussion may make it even more difficult for boys who feel coerced because they talk tends to focus on females' consent.
Another disturbing thing is how boys who wanted to speak up about anti-female "locker room talk" faced big obstacles. Boys who did so were often shunned by their male peers. Some boys even ended up quitting sports that they loved because they couldn't handle the attitudes of their teammates. Several years ago when President Trump said his misogynist speech was just "locker room talk" many men said that that sort of talk did not happen in their locker rooms, but this book indicates that it still does. A lot. Lacrosse lived up to its stereotype in this book as being especially bad. Orenstein cites statistics showing males in varsity sports and fraternities are more likely to commit sexual assault, so these seem like good places to start giving really intense sex and relationship education.
The boys interviewed for this book seem to have had a lot more sexual experiences than the girls interviewed for Girls & Sex, so am curious if they skew older.
thelauramay's review against another edition
5.0
Another excellent book on gender and sexuality, this time interviewing young men and focusing particularly on problems there. This text is less academic than the last few I've read, and would make for a good introduction to these issues. Recommended.
I listened to this as an audiobook, and I think it's the ideal format for it in this case. The author narrates it herself, and does a good job of it.
I listened to this as an audiobook, and I think it's the ideal format for it in this case. The author narrates it herself, and does a good job of it.
mariahroze's review against another edition
4.0
Everyone should read this book! It was extremely education about gender stereotypes and roles.
"Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex broke ground, shattered taboos, and launched conversations about young women’s right to pleasure and agency in sexual encounters. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships.
Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, Boys & Sex dissects so-called locker room talk; how the word “hilarious” robs boys of empathy; pornography as the new sex education; boys’ understanding of hookup culture and consent; and their experience as both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. By surfacing young men’s experience in all its complexity, Orenstein is able to unravel the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important realities of young male sexuality in today’s world."
"Peggy Orenstein’s Girls & Sex broke ground, shattered taboos, and launched conversations about young women’s right to pleasure and agency in sexual encounters. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships.
Drawing on comprehensive interviews with young men, psychologists, academics, and experts in the field, Boys & Sex dissects so-called locker room talk; how the word “hilarious” robs boys of empathy; pornography as the new sex education; boys’ understanding of hookup culture and consent; and their experience as both victims and perpetrators of sexual violence. By surfacing young men’s experience in all its complexity, Orenstein is able to unravel the hidden truths, hard lessons, and important realities of young male sexuality in today’s world."
crivens's review
3.0
Mostly made me sad. Excellent interviews and an engaging style of writing but it's not like I didn't know how vapid, unsatisfying, dangerous and depressing hookup culture was. More that I was looking for more and better ways to talk to my own children about porn, sex and hookups and on that front I felt I was let down.
plaidpladd's review
4.0
This was really good. I liked it even better than her last book, though I'm not sure why.
rebmarara's review against another edition
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
I just had to write a review about this book. I've been listening to the audiobook all day and have not been able to put it down! At first, the book was making me quite upset because it was highlighting the pervasiveness of misogynist thoughts and actions in our society. However, in the later chapters, Orenstein gave a very nuanced depiction of sexual misconduct that told the stories of the young men she interviewed but still asserted that what they had done was wrong and damaging to others. I think Orenstein did a lot to help readers understand the patterns of assault and sexism that occur over and over again for young people. Also, I appreciate how she pointed out that men could also be victims of sexual assault since that is not talked about a lot.
I'm considering buying a printed copy of this book because I think it will be beneficial to look back on! A good read!
I'm considering buying a printed copy of this book because I think it will be beneficial to look back on! A good read!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual harassment, Sexism, Racism, Sexual assault, Misogyny, and Rape
Moderate: Bullying and Toxic relationship
Minor: Drug abuse, Homophobia, and Adult/minor relationship
zoes_human's review
5.0
An excellently and accessibly written book centering around the conversations that we must have with boys if we want to raise them to be whole, healthy, and loving men who contribute to breaking rape culture instead of participating in it. Worth your time no matter who you are, but critical if you are a parent to boys.