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elusivity's review
4.0
A neo-psychoanalytical take on the vicissitude of love and romance. Mitchell's foundation argument is, romance requires spontaneity and uncertainty. We contain within our psyche simultaneously the longing for romance and adventure, as well the craving for stability and predictability, which in turn stifles romantic love. The more we love someone, the more we let them in to know us beneath our skin, the greater risk of unbearable pain at potential rejection. Most of us are wired to contain and lessen risks in our life, therefore as soon as we have romantic love, we immediately begin the process of deconstructing its power over us, in the process, killing its vital spark.
If we carefully examine our preconscious, even unconcious motivations -- things often overlooked in our busyness and business of living life -- we can see all the ways in which we strive to take the uncertainty OUT of our established relationships. How we do so: devaluing the beloved in various ways -- origin of such phrases as "familiarity breeds contempt", or, mutually cultivating the false belief that we know each other so thoroughly we can never surprise one another again.
I think I agree. The truth is, none of us can ever be known thoroughly because we are not static beings, but more an ever-unfolding story. Similarly, the relationship between two people are not static, but an unfolding story between two dynamic entities. For romantic love and passion to exist and last requires conscious decision, enormous personal strength (to cultivate and withstand continuous uncertainty), and self-knowledge. Not everyone is up for this. In fact, I think most people are disturbed by the notion that they or others are indefinable, unknowable; even angered by the sheer amount of effort involved in keeping romance alive. We mostly just want to get on with the business of living, and are perfectly fine living vicariously via movies, books, and the lives of celebrities. Yet I think this is an adventure well worthy of pursuit.
If we carefully examine our preconscious, even unconcious motivations -- things often overlooked in our busyness and business of living life -- we can see all the ways in which we strive to take the uncertainty OUT of our established relationships. How we do so: devaluing the beloved in various ways -- origin of such phrases as "familiarity breeds contempt", or, mutually cultivating the false belief that we know each other so thoroughly we can never surprise one another again.
I think I agree. The truth is, none of us can ever be known thoroughly because we are not static beings, but more an ever-unfolding story. Similarly, the relationship between two people are not static, but an unfolding story between two dynamic entities. For romantic love and passion to exist and last requires conscious decision, enormous personal strength (to cultivate and withstand continuous uncertainty), and self-knowledge. Not everyone is up for this. In fact, I think most people are disturbed by the notion that they or others are indefinable, unknowable; even angered by the sheer amount of effort involved in keeping romance alive. We mostly just want to get on with the business of living, and are perfectly fine living vicariously via movies, books, and the lives of celebrities. Yet I think this is an adventure well worthy of pursuit.
elusivity's review against another edition
4.0
A neo-psychoanalytical take on the vicissitude of love and romance. Mitchell's foundation argument is, romance requires spontaneity and uncertainty. We contain within our psyche simultaneously the longing for romance and adventure, as well the craving for stability and predictability, which in turn stifles romantic love. The more we love someone, the more we let them in to know us beneath our skin, the greater risk of unbearable pain at potential rejection. Most of us are wired to contain and lessen risks in our life, therefore as soon as we have romantic love, we immediately begin the process of deconstructing its power over us, in the process, killing its vital spark.
If we carefully examine our preconscious, even unconcious motivations -- things often overlooked in our busyness and business of living life -- we can see all the ways in which we strive to take the uncertainty OUT of our established relationships. How we do so: devaluing the beloved in various ways -- origin of such phrases as "familiarity breeds contempt", or, mutually cultivating the false belief that we know each other so thoroughly we can never surprise one another again.
I think I agree. The truth is, none of us can ever be known thoroughly because we are not static beings, but more an ever-unfolding story. Similarly, the relationship between two people are not static, but an unfolding story between two dynamic entities. For romantic love and passion to exist and last requires conscious decision, enormous personal strength (to cultivate and withstand continuous uncertainty), and self-knowledge. Not everyone is up for this. In fact, I think most people are disturbed by the notion that they or others are indefinable, unknowable; even angered by the sheer amount of effort involved in keeping romance alive. We mostly just want to get on with the business of living, and are perfectly fine living vicariously via movies, books, and the lives of celebrities. Yet I think this is an adventure well worthy of pursuit.
If we carefully examine our preconscious, even unconcious motivations -- things often overlooked in our busyness and business of living life -- we can see all the ways in which we strive to take the uncertainty OUT of our established relationships. How we do so: devaluing the beloved in various ways -- origin of such phrases as "familiarity breeds contempt", or, mutually cultivating the false belief that we know each other so thoroughly we can never surprise one another again.
I think I agree. The truth is, none of us can ever be known thoroughly because we are not static beings, but more an ever-unfolding story. Similarly, the relationship between two people are not static, but an unfolding story between two dynamic entities. For romantic love and passion to exist and last requires conscious decision, enormous personal strength (to cultivate and withstand continuous uncertainty), and self-knowledge. Not everyone is up for this. In fact, I think most people are disturbed by the notion that they or others are indefinable, unknowable; even angered by the sheer amount of effort involved in keeping romance alive. We mostly just want to get on with the business of living, and are perfectly fine living vicariously via movies, books, and the lives of celebrities. Yet I think this is an adventure well worthy of pursuit.
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