andthenweread's review against another edition
4.5
this book explored and delved into some complex questions about humanity and faith, and i think it will stay with me for a while.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death, Rape, Torture, and Vomit
emiliosandoz's review against another edition
adventurous
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
ok a lot of thoughts about the sparrow
for anyone who doesn’t know uhhh huge r*pe tw
ALSO A LOT OF SPOILERS!!!
i don’t think i can quite articulate to anyone, even my fiancee, what this book means to me. i really don’t.
how can i, a puerto rican interested in religion and space and constantly searching for g-d, who was viciously abused growing up, who spent hours sitting in front of my window and screaming at g-d, begging to know why he hated me or for answers as to why this was happening to me, explain to anyone who hasn’t been trafficked, who hasn’t been abused, what this book could possibly mean to someone like me??
they used me hard, john. they used me hard.
sometimes…sometimes there was an audience.
face it. tell us.
i was not a prostitute.
then at least i have the solace of hating g-d.
would you like to know precisely how dark the night of the soul can get?
as you see: the whore sleeps badly.
i was naked before g-d and i was raped.
like i can’t explain it. how can i articulate that emilio sandoz is everything i am on a page? the only difference between the two of us is he was abused by aliens and i was abused by my parents. the only difference is he’s a man and i’m not. the only difference is he’s older than me. the only difference is he’s a priest.
and those are THE ONLY differences.
how many times have i thought to myself well if i was meant for all the good that’s happened to me, then i have to have been meant for all the terrible too? and how many times have i thought to myself the equivalent of “but it was my body. it was my blood. and it was my love.” how many times have i hated g-d and loved him all over again and hated him again and….
idk man. i can’t articulate it. i just can’t. because i can’t show you how many times i’ve cried reading this book. i can’t show you my whole life because we haven’t invented memory recall display technology (or whatever it would be called) yet.
this is the best way i can describe any of it and i KNOW even this isn’t good enough.
i guess the only thing i could do is write down every single line from the book that made me scream on the inside. but if i did that we’d be here all day.
i mean…idk it’s the fact that emilio is puerto rican like i am. like THAT is what mostly messes with me. that and the fact he reacts to trauma the EXACT same way i do. and also his pride and inability to admit when he’s suffering.
HIS INTEREST IN LANGUAGES
THE WAY HE JOKES.
and then the trauma too.
he was used. he was used hard. he says that himself verbatim. (they used me, john. they used me hard.) and wow hi i was trafficked. i’m PERMANENTLY DISABLED because of what my father let those men do to me. so yeah it’s really fucking hard not to compare myself to emilio sandoz when humans are literally child sized on rakhat. not just child sized: they’re the size of an eight year old child. i was seven, okay? i was seven.
oh and then there’s the fact i literally have spent YEARS dESPISING g-d bc of what he put me through. do you want to know how many times i literally was on my knees in front of my bedroom window screaming and begging g-d to tell me why he was doing this to me, to tell me why he hated me. (do you want more? would you like to know precisely how dark the night of the soul can get?)
g-d’s whore. yeah. (as you see: the whore sleeps badly)
oh and the fact that emilio really wants to fucking be dead and against all odds he’s survived. like moi. (this will kill me. this will kill me and then i can stop trying to understand)
there’s also the fact my own father beat me and my mother just let it happen. she let that and everything else happen. kind of like emilio’s mother with his father.
and emilio being incapable of saying the word until forced to it. (i was not a prostitute. no you weren’t, what were you?) the fact he can’t say that word and that i literally can’t even think it now and that i had to astrick it out at the beginning of this post…
see there’s a reason why i can’t be normal about this book. it’s not just the fact that i love emilio and my heart breaks for him. it’s the fact that i AM him. THAT’S what fucks me up so much.
i AM emilio sandoz.
i know EXACTLY how he feels. i’ve reacted EXACTLY how he has. do you want to know how many times i’ve woken up yelping at night? my own fiancee can tell you. it happens at LEAST once a week.
would you like to know precisely how dark the night of the soul can get?
i can’t fucking handle it, okay? i literally can not.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death, Cannibalism, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Trafficking, Medical trauma, Physical abuse, Grief, Death, and Sexual assault
arayo's review
adventurous
dark
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death, Grief, Injury/Injury detail, Body horror, Death, Medical trauma, Rape, Violence, and Vomit
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Trafficking, and Cannibalism
Minor: Pregnancy and Infertility
julesloyola's review
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
inspiring
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Cannibalism, Child death, Death, Violence, Body horror, and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Confinement, Medical content, Medical trauma, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, and Slavery
Minor: Antisemitism, Car accident, and Child abuse
caintooth's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death
Moderate: Grief, Sexual violence, Slavery, Medical content, Body horror, Cannibalism, Child death, Cursing, Injury/Injury detail, Rape, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Torture, and Violence
Minor: Confinement and Self harm
mfrank's review
challenging
dark
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault and Rape
Moderate: Child death, Violence, Murder, Torture, and Suicidal thoughts
Minor: Slavery
brookiebridge's review
dark
sad
tense
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
5.0
One of my favorite books of all time. The pacing is the best I’ve ever seen, I couldn’t put the book down and finished it, sobbing, at 3 in the morning.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Violence, Injury/Injury detail, Grief, Rape, and Death
Moderate: Child death, Gore, Sexual violence, Blood, Body horror, Slavery, Cannibalism, Confinement, Injury/Injury detail, Sexual assault, and Panic attacks/disorders
Minor: Homophobia, Sexual content, Pregnancy, and Torture
The book builds up to the reveal of why the main character survived and what happened to him.Spoiler
He watched as alien children were killed and eaten, and his friends died trying to stand up for them. He was then forced to also eat the alien children to survive, him and his friend underwent medical disfigurement of their hands and his friend died as a result. He was then sold to a brothel where he was raped repeatedly, and accidentally killed a child who had come to try to help him, thinking the child was a rapist at first. He is repeatedly confined to small spaces and isolated. Half of the story is him being investigated by his superiors, who don’t know he was raped but believe he committed murder and had illicit sex, since he is a priest. He has severe ptsd but the investigation forces him to confront his past.lowpolymel's review
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape
Moderate: Child death
goofymango's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
inspiring
mysterious
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
I don't think I've been emotionally impacted by a book to such an extent for a very, very long time - which is, in part, probably why I'm giving this a 5 star rating, something I don't do very lightly. As someone who has no religious leanings whatsoever, I was unsure if this book would really speak to me, but my reservations were utterly and completely unfounded. The style of writing - the flow, the pacing, the prosaic quality - is beautiful, yes, and as an avid science fiction fan the plot is intriguing to say the least. But what truly captivated me and made me so intensely invested is the characters. It is difficult to explain and put in to words, but this wonderful, unique and seemingly bizarre mix of characters felt so real, so tangible and believable in a way not many authors manage to nail. The way the story unfolded was both interesting, fascinating, shocking and, eventually, tragic - I have quite literally only just finished the book as I type this review, and I'm not being hyperbolic when I say there's still tears in my eyes! This is the sort of book that, once you finish it, you feel quite bereft and as if something has shifted for you, in all the best ways possible. All I can say is, read/listen to this book. It's gorgeous, profound and introspective, and a thoroughly excellent story.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual violence, Child death, Rape, Grief, Death, and Sexual assault