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ebullient_kate's review against another edition
4.5
This memoir is incredibly heartfelt and a beautiful testament to the author’s mother and their bond. I found myself becoming more and more grateful for my own mother as I read. I’ll admit it: I cried a lot! But I also “awww”ed a lot and laughed and drooled over the descriptions of food. The acknowledgments (which I rarely read) were SO SWEET!
Graphic: Cancer, Medical content, Medical trauma, and Death of parent
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Infidelity, and Car accident
notnaomie's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Cancer, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Alcoholism, Death, and Car accident
Minor: Addiction, Infidelity, and Abortion
trollmila's review against another edition
5.0
Zaumer writes so well and the flow of the book, where we get flashbacks, where we get brought into the present are so well timed and balanced. I picked up the book finally after it being on my list for so long (shout out library waitlists (I kid I love you libraries)) due to her being a musician I deeply love but kept reading because it was so impactful and well written and structured.
My family lost a parent to cancer in December 2023 and my mother recieved her diagnosis in Oct 2024 but thankfully they were able to remove it. It was a good book and I think I needed the cry.
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, Death of parent, and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Alcohol
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Drug use, Infidelity, Car accident, and Abortion
town_scar's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Cancer, Chronic illness, Death, Racism, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, Medical trauma, Car accident, and Death of parent
Moderate: Addiction, Infidelity, Vomit, and Alcohol
Minor: Abortion
erinwolf1997's review against another edition
4.25
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Racism and Medical content
Minor: Addiction, Bullying, and Car accident
jhalloneum's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Car accident and Death of parent
vb_marie's review against another edition
3.0
Graphic: Body shaming, Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Emotional abuse, Car accident, and Alcohol
Minor: Addiction and Abortion
ksilvio's review against another edition
5.0
Graphic: Alcoholism, Cancer, Terminal illness, Medical content, Grief, Car accident, Abortion, and Death of parent
ewwa18's review against another edition
5.0
Moderate: Cancer, Grief, and Death of parent
Minor: Death, Terminal illness, Medical content, and Car accident
shingekiyes's review against another edition
4.5
(spoilers below)
this book was marketed to me by other readers as a book about “mommy issues.” it is that, but it is mostly a gruesome tale of cancer, death, and grief. it is one thing to reflect on a tense relationship with your mother, it is another to endure the trauma of stage four cancer, being a full-time caretaker, watching your parent die prematurely, and being left with a deep sense of regret and resentment with absolutely no closure. this is a book i would recommend (lightly) to friends who have had similar experiences who want to feel validated in their complex feelings about their parents. not everyone has “mommy moms” as Michelle puts it, and that’s okay.
i read a lot of books about mommy issues. i have mommy issues. and this memoir was absolutely visceral, but not in the ways i expected.
i loved how the story of Michelle and Chongmi was told through food, art, and music. Michelle has a way with words… you can tell she is gifted beyond the scope of her nonfiction writing. i felt like i could listen to her narrate recipes and grocery lists all day and not get bored.
while the elements of Michelle’s Korean identity were not applicable to my own experience, i could really feel her pain and understood her perspective very clearly. her story of childhood/teenage fear of fetishization, bullying, and othering was really eye-opening. i found myself really relating to her reflection on that time in her adolescence, the time where she would have done anything to separate herself from her mother, and how as an adult she would do anything to keep her mother inside her, embody her. i loved listening to Michelle grow throughout the overarching timeline. i loved seeing her embrace her Korean heritage, Korean food, Korean family, despite feeling alienated by it at times.
the most emotionally resonant part for me was when Michelle recounts a brief encounter between her and her mother. it was one of the few times they were along together, and Michelle remarked that it was nice that they were finally getting along as a mother and daughter should—they finally had something to talk about. Her mother looks to her and says she finally realized, “I have never met someone like you before.”
this memory—of finally arriving at the turning point in their relationship, with years ahead of understanding and possible friendship to look forward to—made Chongmi’s diagnosis all the more devastating. Michelle rightfully felt cheated out of “good years” with her mother, and i genuinely could feel her the ache of disappointment and the heat of her rage through her narration.
not only was that anger and regret very potent, but the related feeling of resentment towards her mother. questions of my own, painfully relatable, relationship with my family flooded my mind as i listened to Michelle’s flabbergasted response: what do you mean you never met someone like me before? you made me, you created me, i am you, you are me… why couldn’t we see that before? and why did it matter? why did you need to know me and understand me to love me?
throughout the book, one theme is abundantly clear: it is okay to have mixed feelings about our parents. it is okay to yearn for their love and approval, but know that they are flawed people too. we do not have to forgive them, but we must acknowledge their impact on our lives, and to a certain extent, their love.
also—as we get older, we begin to see our parents within us (like Chongmi’s art/paintings and Michelle’s music), and that’s okay. even if they hurt us, we are not them. we can hold pieces of them without being hurt again. there is hope for deeper connection, too, should we want for it.
in the end, i listened to Japanese Breakfast’s first album, Psychopomp as i reflected on the book. i was deeply touched by the influence of grief and growth on the band’s music, and seeing the album cover made me tear up. it is lovely to see that, despite the turmoil in their relationship, Michelle could honor her mother through her art.
Michelle Zauner has a unique and inspiring voice. this was a great read and i will definitely be coming back to it as i age and as i, hopefully, one day, reach that vital turning point with my own mother.
Graphic: Cancer, Death, Terminal illness, Xenophobia, Grief, and Death of parent
Moderate: Body shaming, Racial slurs, Racism, Toxic relationship, and Alcohol
Minor: Child abuse, Car accident, and Abortion