Reviews

Fantastic book! Lots of good stuff about sexuality, body images, breaking down gender role binaries, and how change works for people over time. (A whole chapter on "but I want my partner to change! Now!" and why it doesn't work that way.) I learned a lot but also felt like it was an accessible read.

It builds on her first book Come As You Are, but you can start with this one first.

Though the book doesn't set out to explain polyamory, it does that on the way to get where it's going, and I truly appreciated the respectful, no-nonsense depictions of healthy relationships in that context. Lots of really good advice for both monogamous and nonmonogamous people. It does a good job of framing polyam as something that can take a lot of work, and offers great communication tips for both styles. I honestly think it's what I'm gonna recommend for people who ask me about polyam to fix their relationship problems. (Hint, if you have problems in your relationship, adding more people is not the solution you think it will be!)

At any rate, I loved this book. I originally got the hardcopy but ended up borrowing the audiobook from the library to make headway while life got busy. The audiobook is great, full of Nagoski's classic empathy and nonjudgmental hilarity.

I'm so so grateful I read it!

Content Warnings

caitie711's review against another edition

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challenging funny hopeful informative inspiring medium-paced

4.25

mollybryann's review against another edition

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informative lighthearted slow-paced

2.0

Along with Fourteen Days, the book I hold irrational resentment for for my reading rut. Similar to a lot of the reviews here, I found the tone really off putting- what I can only describe as millennialism. It reads like a buzz feed article, repetitive, cringey, and like it’s being inclusive just to show its inclusiveness, not for actual informational or seamless purposes. Like she doesn’t just integrate a queer relationship into her examples without going, “Look, it’s queer!!”. Also there were two instances where she integrated emojis into her book. Not my taste.

I liked it in the sense of a compass towards other types of reading I should maybe do. I found the first couple of chapters about the spaces in our brain and how to move between them really thoughtful and I realized because of ocd, about 90% of my life I am probably in FEAR and PANIC so probably that extends to my erotic spaces. I’ve recently learned that rumination and obsession is a type of dissociation and probably why my memory is bad and I would be interested to know how that affects my erotic self as well.

kamwalsh's review against another edition

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informative medium-paced

4.0

I appreciated how this book really spelled out certain things that may be preventing long-term partners from having the sex that they want, specifically how our bodies change with time and circumstances and how to help rectify that. My only gripe is it did feel a bit surface level at times, but overall, I think could be a great resource for couples.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

botchla's review against another edition

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informative slow-paced

3.5

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