Reviews tagging 'Self harm'

Hell Is a World Without You by Jason Kirk

9 reviews

waffel113's review

challenging emotional funny hopeful reflective tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Maybe nobody's beyond hope. Literally nobody. Alive, dead, or otherwise.

I didn't grow up religious. My parents tried, every now and then, to make us churchgoers, but it never stuck. Generally, our exposure was limited to the halftime sermons at my little brother's church league basketball games and the occasional week-long church camp that we stopped attending by the time I was halfway through middle school. But something about the church - organized religion, really - fascinated me; the complete certainty in things unseen has a certain appeal, even to someone who couldn't help second-guessing every move. One of my best friends is a devout believer, and there were times - especially once I started attending a religious school - that I wanted (or thought I wanted, at least) to give myself over to the mystery as they have. One night at a campus function, I tried so hard to feel something in a chapel full of the faithful. And as I sat by a swimming pool later that night, watching my classmates reaffirm their commitment to Christ or form a new covenant, I couldn't shake the feeling that something had been lost forever when I came up empty, a world I would never have access to.

Jason Kirk comes from that world; in his author bio, he says he grew up a "maximum-effort Southern Baptist and is now a lazy Christian pantheist." And his extraordinary debut novel, Hell Is a World Without You, accomplishes the difficult feat of making that insular world legible, recognizable, even, to a lifelong outsider. It's the story of Isaac Siena Jr., who, when we meet him at the turn of the 21st century, is "13.9," devoutly born-again, and still mourning his unsaved father, who died under mysterious circumstances years ago and who he's been taught to believe has been burning in Hell ever since. Tormented by guilt (depicted as a voice in his head that usually keeps its intrusions to a bluntly hilarious "REGRET!" whenever Isaac doubts or, worse, has impure thoughts), the next four years of his life lead him to question and challenge everything he once thought to be unshakably true.

So, yes, this is in many ways an "exvangelical" novel, and oftentimes a righteously angry one. A crucial early turning point in the novel is the decision by Jack, the pastor at Isaac's church, to embrace Christian nationalism in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and the indoctrination of shame, self-hatred, purity culture, and worse weighs heavily on Isaac and his group of youth group misfits - among them the pastor's niece, Sophie; the church golden boy, Josiah; and the brash, unapologetic outcast, Alexa. Kirk depicts the effects of this unflinchingly: there are two harrowing sequences where Isaac is brought to the brink of self-destruction that have stuck in my psyche for days on end, and that's to say nothing of the plotline following Eli, Isaac's fire-and-brimstone older brother whose devotion to saving souls (and lifelong regret over an incident from his own youth) takes a devastating toll on the Siena family.

I fear I'm making this book sound dour, or even worse, preachy. Never fear: those who have followed Kirk for years on the Shutdown Fullcast or his own Vacation Bible School podcast know his sense of humor is as sharp as a sacrificial blade. Through lovingly recreated AOL Instant Messenger chatrooms, the occasional dose of low-hanging, pubescent jokes, and "if you know, you know" cracks about the likes of Audio Adrenaline, dc Talk, and Carman, Kirk locates a rich, necessary vein of laughs in a narrative that might have in other hands grown too dark to bear. His writerly voice, too, is in full flower, fully and convincingly inhabiting Isaac's consciousness as he matures, falters, craters and eventually pulls himself back together.

This is a funny book, then, sometimes riotously so - the punchline to one particular AOL segment forced me to stop reading because I was laughing too hard to keep going. But even when he goes for laughs, Kirk refuses to abandon Isaac or anybody else to easy condescension - his, ours, or God's. Though some of what he depicts of this world is absurd (my favorite detail: the indistinguishable mass of younger boys who look up to Isaac when he takes on a leadership role in youth group, all of whom are named Caleb.), it's never done with an "oh, but we know better" wink to the audience or a sense of looking down upon these characters for their faith. He takes the spirituality of his characters, and their doubts, fears, and failings, and treats it all with end-of-the-world seriousness because to them, they are the end of the world; to them, these are life-and-death, souls-at-stake, where-will-you-spend-eternity questions with no easy answers. This is a book of radical, profound empathy, one that ultimately dares to believe that a better tomorrow is possible if we have the courage to confront the darkness, and one which rocked me to my core. Isn't all that what the Bible is supposed to teach in the first place?

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Cursing, Homophobia, and Religious bigotry

Moderate: Alcoholism, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Grief, and Outing

Minor: Cancer, Death, Antisemitism, and Islamophobia

jodyrae's review

funny lighthearted tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Homophobia, Mental illness, Misogyny, Self harm, Transphobia, Xenophobia, Mass/school shootings, Religious bigotry, Death of parent, and Gaslighting

This is a humorous novel about evangelical church youth groups in the early oughta, with tons of references to church culture and Bible camps, as the protagonist wrestles with Scripture and interpretation of the Bible and his own faith.

emulator's review

adventurous emotional funny hopeful inspiring reflective medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

Reading this book was a breathtaking experience in so many ways. Despite my not being raised Evangelical, I have never before found something that so authentically captures identity crises, living with doubt and shame that takes years to unravel. The layers of self-loathing and self-hatred caused by disconnects deep in the soul between the teachings our social structures reinforce and what we spiritually know to be innately true. How doubt and shame bury these feelings deep enough to gnaw at our sense of self and capacity to love. How we repress it all and suffocate in increasingly desperate attempts to Be Normal.

There are also the approximately 3,705 times I laughed my head off and the representation I felt as a former Scripture And Liturgy Dork. Beautiful, powerful, overwhelming and authentic novel on every level, one which I have already re-read and then listened to the audiobook start-to-finish. I will hold this book close to my heart for as long as I live.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Body shaming, Cursing, Gun violence, Misogyny, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Sexism, Suicidal thoughts, Religious bigotry, and Alcohol

Moderate: Addiction, Drug use, Homophobia, Racism, Islamophobia, Grief, Car accident, and Death of parent

Minor: Mental illness and Antisemitism

cmduda91's review

challenging hopeful inspiring sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

This book gave me hope for myself and helped heal my relationship with my past. It's a brilliant look into American Evangelicalism from the inside and how the ideology can warp your views of life and the world. Told from the perspective of a teenager trying to navigate his own personal tragedy, his friendships, his beliefs in God, and the guilty burden of "saving all humanity from eternal damnation".

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Religious bigotry

Moderate: Self harm and Sexual content

yungmiku's review

challenging dark funny hopeful sad fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Perfect book about what it's like to grow up Evangelical Christian in America. The teenage humor is a little over the top at times but it's always relatable. Definitely recommend.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Self harm

Moderate: Gun violence and Suicide

jacobclark's review against another edition

adventurous dark emotional funny hopeful lighthearted reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

Stellar portrait of a youth group era a decade before I was a part of one. The prose is shockingly good even being chock-full of countless Christian subculture references. It runs the gamut of emotions and hits so many interesting beats that if you heard them would seem cliched — but if you read them, they feel so fleshed out and real. Every motivation of every character of every walk of life is fully realized: every character is three-dimensional. I don’t know how many people I know working in a church that would appreciate this book, but there are dozens of us and we should all read this one. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Religious bigotry, and Death of parent

Moderate: Body shaming, Homophobia, Misogyny, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Grief, Car accident, Suicide attempt, and Toxic friendship

Minor: Drug use, Miscarriage, Islamophobia, Abortion, Outing, Alcohol, and War

Broadly speaking, because of the subject matter and setting in an American evangelical church youth group culture in the early 2000s none of the content is very shocking on its face. If you’ve been through that setting and have past trauma this could be either a liberating or suffocating read depending on your healing process. The worst part comes toward the end of the novel with a section where a youth pastor replicates the often-told story of people with guns coming into a church to scare kids into not denying their faith.

This youth pastor uses his younger brother as an example and threatens reuniting him with their dad in hell. The gun goes off after a scuffle and doesn’t kill the younger brother but does hospitalize him with non-threatening injuries.

The main character’s father’s death in a car accident is referred to a lot as a pivotal moment in his life and it is often discussed as to whether or not it was a suicide or under the influence.

watlingtonmark's review

challenging emotional funny hopeful inspiring reflective medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.5

I'm about 8 years younger than this character but can absolutely relate to this kind of church (albeit much smaller) and the kind of wandering he went through. I also picked up about half of the references in chapter titles and feel bad about not getting more of them REGRET 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Self harm

frozencusser's review against another edition

dark funny hopeful reflective tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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Content Warnings

Moderate: Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, and Alcohol

tmessersmith89's review

challenging emotional funny hopeful inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

This book delivers a heap of nostalgia for anyone who grew up in or around church youth groups in the early 2000s. This story of a teenage boy wrestling with his faith while trying to reconcile the screams of eternal damnation with the fact that he just really wants to see some boobs, is a humorous and irreverent at times (and very reverent at others) look at what it means to look beyond our indoctrination and toward a deeper understanding of ourselves.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Self harm, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Religious bigotry, Car accident, and Death of parent