saintshithead's review against another edition
3.0
Drinking game idea: take a shot every time Sarah Schulman prints one of her own tweets or facebooks posts in this book for no reason lol
No, for real this book is great... Kinda. I feel like if her editors were more involved in taking out anecdotes riddled with personal pettiness or included just to make her look good without really serving her arguments, I'd give this a 5/5. There were some extremely terse and direct statements of Truth that had me returning to highlighted segments for a while. This book made me feel very challenged and engaged with it's content at some points- exactly what I was seeking. I was leaned in and engaged on one page and annoyed by the author's framing the next. On some pages I got the vibe that Sarah was serving up pure wisdom and on other pages I thought she was trying to pass herself off as a ~cool YT who can do no wrong because she *always* considers the accused's point of view~.
Still, I'm glad I read this book. It has effected my thinking and how I approach shunned community members in my social circles in a way I've found to be transformative. I often (read: not always) find myself working to consider the perspectives of accused "assailants" or violence do-ers more then ever and I think that's a good thing. This topic is hard to write about without provoking some ire and I know some people will consider it violence apologia. That's fine with me.
I'm not sure if I recommend it but I will be sharing my heavily annotated copy with friends to ravel in it's wisdom and mock it throughly. Worth a read but don't expect to like the author or agree with everything she says. I know I didn't.
No, for real this book is great... Kinda. I feel like if her editors were more involved in taking out anecdotes riddled with personal pettiness or included just to make her look good without really serving her arguments, I'd give this a 5/5. There were some extremely terse and direct statements of Truth that had me returning to highlighted segments for a while. This book made me feel very challenged and engaged with it's content at some points- exactly what I was seeking. I was leaned in and engaged on one page and annoyed by the author's framing the next. On some pages I got the vibe that Sarah was serving up pure wisdom and on other pages I thought she was trying to pass herself off as a ~cool YT who can do no wrong because she *always* considers the accused's point of view~.
Still, I'm glad I read this book. It has effected my thinking and how I approach shunned community members in my social circles in a way I've found to be transformative. I often (read: not always) find myself working to consider the perspectives of accused "assailants" or violence do-ers more then ever and I think that's a good thing. This topic is hard to write about without provoking some ire and I know some people will consider it violence apologia. That's fine with me.
I'm not sure if I recommend it but I will be sharing my heavily annotated copy with friends to ravel in it's wisdom and mock it throughly. Worth a read but don't expect to like the author or agree with everything she says. I know I didn't.
blackcatkai's review against another edition
DNF'd @19%
flipped through the ebook after abandoning the audio. the audio is horribly mixed so I don't recommend listening if you can help it, but my main issues are with the demonization of tech, fatphobia, glossing over important info in regards to the HIV/AIDS crisis when it was initially brought up, & overall tone of the writing. there seems to be some decent info here overall, and I appreciate Schulman mentioning this isn't meant to be the end all be all of the topics but an invite to discussions. but absolutely the fuck not with this. I'm out. thanks, but no thanks.
other reviews mention issues with victim blaming & such so im glad I'm giving up. at least I can say I tried and I did learn a couple things so that's why 2 stars.
flipped through the ebook after abandoning the audio. the audio is horribly mixed so I don't recommend listening if you can help it, but my main issues are with the demonization of tech, fatphobia, glossing over important info in regards to the HIV/AIDS crisis when it was initially brought up, & overall tone of the writing. there seems to be some decent info here overall, and I appreciate Schulman mentioning this isn't meant to be the end all be all of the topics but an invite to discussions. but absolutely the fuck not with this. I'm out. thanks, but no thanks.
other reviews mention issues with victim blaming & such so im glad I'm giving up. at least I can say I tried and I did learn a couple things so that's why 2 stars.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Fatphobia, Ableism, War, and Classism
sillypunk's review against another edition
4.0
Really interesting read, but would like some studies to confirm some arguments. Do agree with the central concept of dialogue over shunning.
bruhmantics's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
This was such an important read and really great to reflect on even if you don’t initially agree with everything Schulman has to say.
teabella's review against another edition
Her examples and arguments are all over the place that it makes it challenging to understand her point.
itsmebee's review against another edition
4.0
Can’t decide if I should do 3 or 4 stars for this book! Overall will certainly help reframe how I think about how I react and relate with others. Some examples felt very illuminating (HIV, Palestine) others I questioned (BPD). Definitely feels grounded in abolition work. Worth a read!
nanikeeva's review against another edition
3.0
way too many people would benefit from internalizing the interpersonal component of this book, and in fact extending the thesis from "conflict is not abuse" to "difference is not a conflict and conversations that try to understand/resolve/coexist those differences are certainly not conflict either" (with the obvious caveat of best intentions and thoughtfulness on both sides).
the parallels to state-driven actions were less on-point, i thought, and in fact take away from the message above - if anything, that could've been a different book titled "with difference of status/power, every conflict is rife with opportunity for abuse, if not almost-automatically bordering on it unless the higher-status entity agrees to relinquish their benefits and be willing to face consequences," but that's a bit of a mouthful for a title... :)
the parallels to state-driven actions were less on-point, i thought, and in fact take away from the message above - if anything, that could've been a different book titled "with difference of status/power, every conflict is rife with opportunity for abuse, if not almost-automatically bordering on it unless the higher-status entity agrees to relinquish their benefits and be willing to face consequences," but that's a bit of a mouthful for a title... :)
offbalance80's review against another edition
3.0
While not a casual read, this was a really fascinating thesis that tries to find the grey area in what so many have designated as black and white. If you can get down with a really scholarly work, then I recommend checking this out.
laurammarkham's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
This book challenges traditional ideas of abuse. While I did not agree with all of the opinions of the author, it was interesting to see a different perspective from my own. I think this book both changed me and made my own beliefs more firm.