eberico's review against another edition
4.0
This book came out about the time that I got getting married for the first time, and I remember hearing about it on NPR and thinking smugly - that's not me! That's not my marriage!
Well, it turns out that I probably should've read the book and saved myself a great deal of emotional and financial trouble because you know what? It WAS my first marriage.
In a couple hundred pages, the author examines trends in so-called starter marriages - first marriages amongst 20-somethings that end within 5-7 years. In broad strokes, but supported by details, she examines why and how these 20-something marry, what causes the marriages to fall apart, and how the participants in the starter marriages deal with the end of their relationships and then whatever comes next.
For me, a 20-something about to marry for the second time, it gave me a lot to think about and to discuss with my fiance - and also a lot of perspective on my first marriage, which absolutely fit every characteristic laid out by the author. We rushed in without a good conception of what marriage or that sort of life-long multifaceted commitment really meant. We spent more time and energy on a dream wedding than we did on solidifying our relationship. We ignored warning signs. Once married, we didn't do the work necessary to make the marriage work - probably mainly because we didn't know how. We quickly and bitterly divorced, making huge financial mistakes (mostly on my part). Hopefully, however, we've both been able to reflect on our problems and errors, and will be better suited for a lasting commitment if another one comes along. I certainly feel like I am, and reading books like this one has helped me to revisit the problems in my earlier marriage so that I don't repeat those mistakes in my forthcoming one.
I'd recommend this for anyone who is divorced - especially in their 20s - and anyone approaching marriage, whether it's #1 or #20.
Well, it turns out that I probably should've read the book and saved myself a great deal of emotional and financial trouble because you know what? It WAS my first marriage.
In a couple hundred pages, the author examines trends in so-called starter marriages - first marriages amongst 20-somethings that end within 5-7 years. In broad strokes, but supported by details, she examines why and how these 20-something marry, what causes the marriages to fall apart, and how the participants in the starter marriages deal with the end of their relationships and then whatever comes next.
For me, a 20-something about to marry for the second time, it gave me a lot to think about and to discuss with my fiance - and also a lot of perspective on my first marriage, which absolutely fit every characteristic laid out by the author. We rushed in without a good conception of what marriage or that sort of life-long multifaceted commitment really meant. We spent more time and energy on a dream wedding than we did on solidifying our relationship. We ignored warning signs. Once married, we didn't do the work necessary to make the marriage work - probably mainly because we didn't know how. We quickly and bitterly divorced, making huge financial mistakes (mostly on my part). Hopefully, however, we've both been able to reflect on our problems and errors, and will be better suited for a lasting commitment if another one comes along. I certainly feel like I am, and reading books like this one has helped me to revisit the problems in my earlier marriage so that I don't repeat those mistakes in my forthcoming one.
I'd recommend this for anyone who is divorced - especially in their 20s - and anyone approaching marriage, whether it's #1 or #20.
jlgrey's review against another edition
4.0
More weaponry in my anti-marriage/wedding arsenal. For anyone who has that creeping feeling that marriage might not be for them, but can't figure out why not.
For anyone who blatantly hates the whole idea and wants to peer self-righteously at their peers who keep failing miserably at marriage.
For anyone who blatantly hates the whole idea and wants to peer self-righteously at their peers who keep failing miserably at marriage.
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