artisticauthor's review
5.0
I have put off writing this review for so long simply because I've struggled with expressing just how much of an impact this book had on me. It was the most important book I've read in my entire life. As someone who has struggled with self-love, abusive relationships, weird family dynamics, etc. this book covered everything from how to stop living in your head and live in the moment with the people who care about you, to understanding that the basis of all life and creativity is love. It's so hard to explain, but I cried so many times reading this because I felt like someone had looked into my heart and saw exactly what I needed to hear. There's tough love and gentle understanding, loneliness unravelled and loving partnerships deconstructed to the essence of "aliveness". This is a book everyone on the face of the earth should read. I read it over a year ago and it continues to rock my world.
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"What does one person give to another? He give of himself, of the most precious he has, he gives of his life. This does not necessarily mean that he sacrifices his life for the other – but that he gives him of that which is alive in him; he gives him of his joy, of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humour, of his sadness – of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in him. In this giving of his life, he enriches the other person, he enhances the other’s sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness."
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"To give has become more satisfactory, more joyous, than to receive; to love, more important even than being loved. By loving, he has left the prison cell of aloneness and isolation which was constituted by the state of narcissism and self-centredness."
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"Infantile love follows the principle: “I love because I am loved.” Mature love follows the principle: “I am loved because I love.” Immature love says: “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says: “I need you because I love you.”"
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"Love, experienced… is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves."
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"… the central problem of the human being is not in satisfying his instinctual needs but rather in the human relationship to reality."
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"… love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence."
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"The courage of despair is the opposite of the courage of love, just as the faith in power is the opposite of the faith in life."
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"Unless we have faith in the persistence of our self, our feeling of identity is threatened and we become dependent on other people whose approval then becomes the basis for our feeling of identity."
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"The insane person or the dreamer fails completely in having an objective view of the world outside; but all of us are more or less insane, or more or less asleep…"
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"Modern man thinks he loses something – time – when he does not do things quickly; yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains – except kill it."
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"… general attitude characteristic of modern man. He lives in the past or in the future, but not in the present."
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"The complete satisfaction of all instinctual needs is not only not a basis for happiness, it does not even guarantee sanity."
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"Modern capitalism needs men who cooperate smoothly and in large numbers; who want to consume more and more; and whose tastes are standardised and can be easily influenced and anticipated. It needs men who feel free and independent, not subject to any authority or principle or conscience – yet willing to be commanded, to do what is expected of them, to ft into the social machine without friction who can be guided without force, led without leaders, prompted without aim – except the one to make good, to be on the move, to function, to go ahead. What is the outcome? Modern man is alienated from himself, from his fellow men, and from nature."
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"We listen to it, and we do not hear it, and we name it the ‘Inaudible.’ We try to grasp it, and do not get hold of it, and we name it the ‘Subtle.’"
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"Selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites. The selfish person does not love himself too much but too little; in fact he hates himself. This lack of fondness and care for himself, which is only one expression of his lack of productiveness, leaves him empty and frustrated. He is necessarily unhappy and anxiously concerned to snatch from life the satisfactions which he blocks himself from attaining. He seems to care too much for himself, but actually he only makes an unsuccessful attempt to cover up and compensate for his failure to care for his real self."
---
"As long as love is a daydream, they can participate; as soon as it comes down to the reality of the relationship between two real people – they are frozen. A couple may be deeply moved by memories of their past love, although when this past was present no love was experienced – or the fantasies of their future love… This tendency coincides with a general attitude characteristic of modern man. He lives in the past or in the future, but not in the present."
---
"Whether love is experienced vicariously by participating in the fictitious experiences of others, or whether it is shifted away from the present to the past or the future, this abstractified and alienated for of love serves as an opiate which alleviates the pain of reality, the aloneness and separateness of the individual."
---
"What does one person give to another? He give of himself, of the most precious he has, he gives of his life. This does not necessarily mean that he sacrifices his life for the other – but that he gives him of that which is alive in him; he gives him of his joy, of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humour, of his sadness – of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive in him. In this giving of his life, he enriches the other person, he enhances the other’s sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of aliveness."
---
"To give has become more satisfactory, more joyous, than to receive; to love, more important even than being loved. By loving, he has left the prison cell of aloneness and isolation which was constituted by the state of narcissism and self-centredness."
---
"Infantile love follows the principle: “I love because I am loved.” Mature love follows the principle: “I am loved because I love.” Immature love says: “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says: “I need you because I love you.”"
---
"Love, experienced… is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves."
---
"… the central problem of the human being is not in satisfying his instinctual needs but rather in the human relationship to reality."
---
"… love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence."
---
"The courage of despair is the opposite of the courage of love, just as the faith in power is the opposite of the faith in life."
---
"Unless we have faith in the persistence of our self, our feeling of identity is threatened and we become dependent on other people whose approval then becomes the basis for our feeling of identity."
---
"The insane person or the dreamer fails completely in having an objective view of the world outside; but all of us are more or less insane, or more or less asleep…"
---
"Modern man thinks he loses something – time – when he does not do things quickly; yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains – except kill it."
---
"… general attitude characteristic of modern man. He lives in the past or in the future, but not in the present."
---
"The complete satisfaction of all instinctual needs is not only not a basis for happiness, it does not even guarantee sanity."
---
"Modern capitalism needs men who cooperate smoothly and in large numbers; who want to consume more and more; and whose tastes are standardised and can be easily influenced and anticipated. It needs men who feel free and independent, not subject to any authority or principle or conscience – yet willing to be commanded, to do what is expected of them, to ft into the social machine without friction who can be guided without force, led without leaders, prompted without aim – except the one to make good, to be on the move, to function, to go ahead. What is the outcome? Modern man is alienated from himself, from his fellow men, and from nature."
---
"We listen to it, and we do not hear it, and we name it the ‘Inaudible.’ We try to grasp it, and do not get hold of it, and we name it the ‘Subtle.’"
---
"Selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites. The selfish person does not love himself too much but too little; in fact he hates himself. This lack of fondness and care for himself, which is only one expression of his lack of productiveness, leaves him empty and frustrated. He is necessarily unhappy and anxiously concerned to snatch from life the satisfactions which he blocks himself from attaining. He seems to care too much for himself, but actually he only makes an unsuccessful attempt to cover up and compensate for his failure to care for his real self."
---
"As long as love is a daydream, they can participate; as soon as it comes down to the reality of the relationship between two real people – they are frozen. A couple may be deeply moved by memories of their past love, although when this past was present no love was experienced – or the fantasies of their future love… This tendency coincides with a general attitude characteristic of modern man. He lives in the past or in the future, but not in the present."
---
"Whether love is experienced vicariously by participating in the fictitious experiences of others, or whether it is shifted away from the present to the past or the future, this abstractified and alienated for of love serves as an opiate which alleviates the pain of reality, the aloneness and separateness of the individual."
postcorporeal's review
informative
reflective
medium-paced
2.5
Content Warnings
Minor: Homophobia and Sexism
amywhereonearth's review
3.0
Clearly it's somewhat unwoke since it's so old BUT there's still some points and observations that still seem very relevant.
mowglee's review
3.0
Quite informative, but not exactly what I expected from this book. It felt a bit like reading a thesis, which still triggers me :D
azaadsadiq's review
4.0
Reading this was an illuminating experience, in part because so much of what Fromm said is true. While not all of his points seem applicable today, his broad thesis on needing to practice love as if it were an art is especially resonant. Fromm's psychoanalysis is rooted in sociology and thus comes off as more realistic and applicable to real life, which is rooted in societal norms and institutions. The book is also quite easy to read, and while it gets repetitive at times, it never confused me. I would definitely recommend it to everyone even if you don't read, because of the essential life lessons it taught me.
gaiaa's review
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
I need to rr this!! i remember it being full of inspirational, smart and psychological quotes. It's an easy and quick read, perhaps i read it to fast and that's why i can't remember much from there. It was a great one i'd recommend it to everyone !!!
chrisljm's review
i think there was a lot of bs.
however, some lines that i appreciated from the book were: "love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love." and "in erotic love, two people who were separate become one. in motherly love, two people who were one become separate."
however, some lines that i appreciated from the book were: "love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love." and "in erotic love, two people who were separate become one. in motherly love, two people who were one become separate."