ankysbookbubble's review against another edition
3.0
Captive was a collection of dark, chilling poems that dealt with OCD and the demons that haunted the poet's mind.
The poems were dark and real, honest experiences, which is why they chilled me even more. I can't say I really enjoyed reading them but I appreciated them for the depth and honesty that they expressed.
The poems were dark and real, honest experiences, which is why they chilled me even more. I can't say I really enjoyed reading them but I appreciated them for the depth and honesty that they expressed.
maitaylor01's review against another edition
5.0
I have long been a fan of Madeline’s fiction writing, and so I subscribe to all of her social media accounts. As such I am familiar with her struggles to a certain extent, and have been following her progress through her Medium page. I know how hard 2019 was for her, but even so, reading these poems was completely and utterly heartbreaking and I am not ashamed to admit that I cried through most of them.
It is incredibly brave of Madeline to open herself up to the world in sharing these intimate thoughts with the world in order to give people an insight into what it feels like to live with PANS. The raw pain that runs throughout the writing is almost palpable and really opened my eyes to what it must truly be like to live with OCD.
Whilst I was touched by the almost brutal frankness of all of the poems, I found “Things People Say” and “Psycho particularly upsetting – as a chronic illness sufferer myself I know how hard it is for people to understand, and how cruel their words can be sometimes, so this really touched a nerve with me.
“Don’t” hit home for me, as the son of my dearest friend struggles with OCD. People use the phrase so flippantly but they have no idea what it is truly like for sufferers. I have been guilty of this myself in the past, but now having experience of people who are fighting a constant battle, I can understand, to a certain extent, just how hurtful this can be.
A final mention has to go to “An Apology to the Ponies.” As I said earlier, I cried my way through most of this book, but this poem had me sobbing. Even thinking back to it now as I type this review brings a tear to my eye.
Captive feels like such an important book, both for sufferers of OCD, to hopefully help them to see that they aren’t the only people struggling with the thoughts in their head, but also for anyone who wants to gain an insight into what it is truly like to be constantly fighting an internal war with yourself.
It is incredibly brave of Madeline to open herself up to the world in sharing these intimate thoughts with the world in order to give people an insight into what it feels like to live with PANS. The raw pain that runs throughout the writing is almost palpable and really opened my eyes to what it must truly be like to live with OCD.
Whilst I was touched by the almost brutal frankness of all of the poems, I found “Things People Say” and “Psycho particularly upsetting – as a chronic illness sufferer myself I know how hard it is for people to understand, and how cruel their words can be sometimes, so this really touched a nerve with me.
“Don’t” hit home for me, as the son of my dearest friend struggles with OCD. People use the phrase so flippantly but they have no idea what it is truly like for sufferers. I have been guilty of this myself in the past, but now having experience of people who are fighting a constant battle, I can understand, to a certain extent, just how hurtful this can be.
A final mention has to go to “An Apology to the Ponies.” As I said earlier, I cried my way through most of this book, but this poem had me sobbing. Even thinking back to it now as I type this review brings a tear to my eye.
Captive feels like such an important book, both for sufferers of OCD, to hopefully help them to see that they aren’t the only people struggling with the thoughts in their head, but also for anyone who wants to gain an insight into what it is truly like to be constantly fighting an internal war with yourself.
sarahtonin_'s review
4.0
This is one of the most raw, unflinching and frankly terrifying books I have ever read.
Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis is a rare type of brain inflammation which in Madeline's case presents itself as OCD and psychosis. This poetry collection is based on therapy writings she made when her communicative skills were lessened due to the disease's effects.
Not only was her mind fighting her from inside out, but doctors she saw diminished her pain by not believing her. If you can't see it, they're obviously just overreacting right? Unfortunately this happens constantly to people suffering from mental illness all over the world. Although awareness is growing, especially in developed countries-many developing countries, as well as not, still carry a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses. This was only accentuated by the fact that Madeline's condition was very rare and so not many people knew the symptoms or how to treat the root cause.
“I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.”
This collection was immersive, giving you a glimpse into her mind for a mere 60 pages. However in those 60 pages I learnt more about living with OCD and psychosis than I have from researching online. Captive is an apt name for this book, as a recurring theme is her feeling captive to her 'monster'. Her mind. That thought is terrifying, as it is one thing to feel unsafe due to outside factors but a completely other experience when that monster is inside you. Is you. Constantly living with the fear, the claustrophobia, the pain. It is impossible to imagine unless you have experienced it yourself, but Madeline's poetry provides something very close.
"and the air is so bad
I cannot breathe it in
and it must not fill my lungs
and it mustn't, it mustn't, it mustn't"
some of my favourite (favourite sounds like the wrong word, but you know what I mean) poems included:
The monster often manifests as OCD
Things I want to say
Things my OCD tells me every day
When I can't cope, I am scared
Men in white coats
Don't
A letter to my monster
I would like to leave off by including part of the poem "Don't". Even if you do not end up reading this collection- I think this is so important for everyone to understand. OCD is not just wanting things to line up, be clean and in place. By calling yourself or others 'OCD' you are trivialising an issue that many people have to constantly struggle through.
"I beg of you
with frozen hands
because you can't see me
the struggle I'm going through,
how strong I am,
and you belittle me
and thousands of others
who are slaves to their monsters
with your words
just a joke, you meant
but it's not a joke
and I am ashamed
and I am crying and trying to escape
the prison that you jokingly
call yours"
If you think you are in the right mental state to read something this dark and real, I would recommend it just for the fact that it allows you to empathise more deeply and understand. After all, ignorance is the root of evil.
thank you to the publisher and net galley for providing me with an ARC of this collection!
Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis is a rare type of brain inflammation which in Madeline's case presents itself as OCD and psychosis. This poetry collection is based on therapy writings she made when her communicative skills were lessened due to the disease's effects.
Not only was her mind fighting her from inside out, but doctors she saw diminished her pain by not believing her. If you can't see it, they're obviously just overreacting right? Unfortunately this happens constantly to people suffering from mental illness all over the world. Although awareness is growing, especially in developed countries-many developing countries, as well as not, still carry a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses. This was only accentuated by the fact that Madeline's condition was very rare and so not many people knew the symptoms or how to treat the root cause.
“I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.”
This collection was immersive, giving you a glimpse into her mind for a mere 60 pages. However in those 60 pages I learnt more about living with OCD and psychosis than I have from researching online. Captive is an apt name for this book, as a recurring theme is her feeling captive to her 'monster'. Her mind. That thought is terrifying, as it is one thing to feel unsafe due to outside factors but a completely other experience when that monster is inside you. Is you. Constantly living with the fear, the claustrophobia, the pain. It is impossible to imagine unless you have experienced it yourself, but Madeline's poetry provides something very close.
"and the air is so bad
I cannot breathe it in
and it must not fill my lungs
and it mustn't, it mustn't, it mustn't"
some of my favourite (favourite sounds like the wrong word, but you know what I mean) poems included:
The monster often manifests as OCD
Things I want to say
Things my OCD tells me every day
When I can't cope, I am scared
Men in white coats
Don't
A letter to my monster
I would like to leave off by including part of the poem "Don't". Even if you do not end up reading this collection- I think this is so important for everyone to understand. OCD is not just wanting things to line up, be clean and in place. By calling yourself or others 'OCD' you are trivialising an issue that many people have to constantly struggle through.
"I beg of you
with frozen hands
because you can't see me
the struggle I'm going through,
how strong I am,
and you belittle me
and thousands of others
who are slaves to their monsters
with your words
just a joke, you meant
but it's not a joke
and I am ashamed
and I am crying and trying to escape
the prison that you jokingly
call yours"
If you think you are in the right mental state to read something this dark and real, I would recommend it just for the fact that it allows you to empathise more deeply and understand. After all, ignorance is the root of evil.
thank you to the publisher and net galley for providing me with an ARC of this collection!
lunasakamoto's review
4.0
I was sent an advance reader copy of this book in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.
This poetry collection is not the kind that the reader may feel connected to personal and that isn't the point but rather to share Dyer's personal journey with her illness without sugar-coating it. As someone who empathizes easily, I had to put this down occasionally for breaks due to how imbued with emotion her work is.
Each poem individually is great but together they show Dyer's journey. It gives us a peek into the fibers that make up her soul and I feel like it will be a poetry collection that will mean a lot to people.
This poetry collection is not the kind that the reader may feel connected to personal and that isn't the point but rather to share Dyer's personal journey with her illness without sugar-coating it. As someone who empathizes easily, I had to put this down occasionally for breaks due to how imbued with emotion her work is.
Each poem individually is great but together they show Dyer's journey. It gives us a peek into the fibers that make up her soul and I feel like it will be a poetry collection that will mean a lot to people.
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