silodear's review against another edition
3.0
A somewhat interesting account of the AIDS epidemic as told by the cis straight daughter of a single gay dad (and semi-famous poet) in 1980s San Francisco. I found the parts of this book about Alysia's life to be boring and worth skimming; but her reflections on her relationship with her father and his relationship with his illness (as told through his letters to his daughter) were quite beautiful.
honuzbubbles's review against another edition
2.0
This book wants to be a remembrance of San Francisco before the AIDS epidemic. It falls short of the mark, in part because its main focus is individuals: Mr. Abbott and his daughter Alysia. Forced into single parenthood after a car kills his wife this man attempts taking care of his daughter like a cat, he might have been a better father had he let another person raise his daughter (but then she would not be the person she is today). Their relationship is at its best when Alysia becomes an adult and they share correspondence primarily through letters. Throughout all his neglect and abuse she still loves him. More than that, she hero worships him and excuses his behavior. The book is like a documentary film shot in soft focus, causing pieces of the story to be washed out. There is a distance felt between the writer and the events on the pages despite the fact she is recalling her own life. Sometimes this makes the text a difficult read. The author herself best sums up this dilemma:
“Even now, almost thirty years after the fact, it’s painful for me to see my dad…And there’s part of me that wants to hide these details, to keep them squirreled away inside the pages of the private journals where they belong, To protect Dad from Dad. But would I feel this way is he weren’t my father? If he weren’t my father, I’d just focus on the story. …But he’s not just anyone. He’s my dad. And even if he’s not walking around out there, I’m still afraid of how his actions and choices will reflect on him.”
“Even now, almost thirty years after the fact, it’s painful for me to see my dad…And there’s part of me that wants to hide these details, to keep them squirreled away inside the pages of the private journals where they belong, To protect Dad from Dad. But would I feel this way is he weren’t my father? If he weren’t my father, I’d just focus on the story. …But he’s not just anyone. He’s my dad. And even if he’s not walking around out there, I’m still afraid of how his actions and choices will reflect on him.”
itsgg's review against another edition
2.0
As a longtime San Franciscan, I was primarily interested in reading this book as a chronicle of the life of a gay single dad living in the upper Haight in the 70s and 80s. Unfortunately, the book is more focused on the author's experience as a child and young woman, including when she lives for long periods outside of SF, and its intent seems largely to be about addressing unresolved guilt about her relationship with her father. So maybe other people would enjoy it more, but I didn't find it very interesting. Without enough of the "gay single dad in SF" angle, I just don't think it stands on its own as a notable memoir, either for the content or the writing.
kickpleat's review against another edition
3.0
Writing about the shortcomings of her only parent, her gay activist, writer, poet father who struggled to make a living in 70s and 80s San Francisco. Alysia also writes about her own failures as a daughter, especially when her father is dying of AIDS. Her father left plenty of journals and letters so it's clear that while he was mired in his own struggles to find a partner, fight his addictions and establish himself as a writer, he also loved his daughter even when he became frustrated that his 4 year old couldn't make her own breakfast. Alysia's failure was that she was absent & callous as her father was dying, like her dad with AIDS just became one huge bummer for her early 20s life. While I appreciated her honesty in this memoir, the book takes way too long to get interesting. It's an interesting story and an interesting life, but she relies too much on her father's own writing to place much of her own inside. It's a low 3 stars from me.
pziemlewicz's review against another edition
4.0
More than your typical coming-of-age memoir. Follow Alysia through her journey to understand non-traditional gender roles, and define herself. Many people's lives have been touched by HIV/AIDS, but the way it affects the author is heart-wrenching, which of course makes the finale that much more triumphant.
vgk's review against another edition
4.0
Compelling reading. Shockingly honest. I find it hard to talk about, actually. My advice is: just read it.
jackphoenix's review against another edition
2.0
Ms. Abbot's unique upbringing gives her a point of view worth sharing, but some readers may find Fairlyand has difficulty holding their interest.
sara_collier's review against another edition
4.0
Really enjoyed this - a few more pictures would have been great, but just a minor complaint.
nithou's review
5.0
Il est étrangement difficile en ne l'ayant pas vécu d'appréhender l'ampleur des débuts de l'épidémie du sida et l'impact que cette épidémie a eu sur de trop nombreuses vies. Alysia Abbott qualifie les années qui ont suivies très justement d'une sorte "d'amnésie mondiale collective", qu'elle aide à faire revivre, et comprendre, à travers ces quelques pages, à travers sa vie et celle de son père. Une famille pas comme les autres, mais pas enjolivée, une famille qui commet des erreurs, qui tente de se soutenir, s'éloigne, se perd, se retrouve, mais une famille quand même. Je ne connaissais pas Steve Abbott (son oeuvre), c'était l'occasion de le découvrir en filigrane et sans doute ce que j'en garderai, mais j'ai découvert à travers ces pages un homme d'une belle humanité et d'une tendresse immense. Un père qui, même s'il savait qu'il ne serait jamais parfait, a tenté d'offrir ce qu'il pouvait de mieux à sa fille. Et même si parfois on en veut à Alysia un peu de son attitude envers son père, on ne peut vraiment trop lui tenir rigueur face à sa jeunesse. Il est aussi très dur de voir cette communauté se faire ravager au fil des pages et ses membres disparaître un à un, tombés dans l'oubli sauf à travers ce récit. Très dur de réaliser le nombre d'êtres magnifiques qui ont été perdues durant ces années meurtrières, la dureté du discours tenu à leur égard à l'époque, et combien on en perds encore à l'heure actuelle. Un livre purement humain, profond, unique, qui remue en profondeur et laisse une belle marque. Mais aussi un témoignage et un monument pour que l'on ne s'oublie jamais.
"Ils se moquent de nous tandis que nous mourons, sachant pertinemment que l'humour antihomos conduit à la violence à l'encontre des homos." Steve Abbott
"Ils se moquent de nous tandis que nous mourons, sachant pertinemment que l'humour antihomos conduit à la violence à l'encontre des homos." Steve Abbott
paperbackprodigy's review against another edition
4.0
Abbott's memoir of her father is poignant and brought back a lot of memories of the era and culture in which I did most of my growing up.