Reviews
Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids by Meghan Daum
kitkat2500's review against another edition
3.0
Interesting collection of essays about being "childfree"...the authors have very different reasons for making this choice. It's a nice change from the "mainstream"parenting dialogue.
salmonread's review against another edition
2.0
Book Riot Read Harder 2016 Challenge #3: Read a Collection of Essays
Uneven, and somewhat repetitive, which I suppose is unsurprising in an edited volume about one topic. The Shriver essay takes the whole book's star rating down with its casually white supremacist presentation of declining white/Euro birth rates (mentioned in other essays as well - an apparently common but cringe-worthy part of some people's decision-making in this arena.)
Uneven, and somewhat repetitive, which I suppose is unsurprising in an edited volume about one topic. The Shriver essay takes the whole book's star rating down with its casually white supremacist presentation of declining white/Euro birth rates (mentioned in other essays as well - an apparently common but cringe-worthy part of some people's decision-making in this arena.)
candaceopper's review against another edition
5.0
Every one of you—those who don't want kids, those who do, those who might, those who have, those who can't—should read this book. These essays take on the honest, brave, and necessary task of addressing the choice to remain childless—one that has too long been considered taboo or, worse, not worthy of discussion. As someone who has remained on the fence about parenthood, I found these essays incredibly refreshing and validating—without being pushy or preachy—and the writing is inspirational and quite often hilarious. I closed the book thinking: I might still have kids, I might not, and I should feel fucking empowered either way.
celestialmaps's review against another edition
1.0
I only liked 3/16 stories within this book. The majority of the writers seem not to know the difference between childfree and childless and therefore should not have been included in the compilation. All in all, not worth the read.
caitlyn_baldwin's review against another edition
funny
reflective
fast-paced
4.5
“Being childless is inarguably saner and more responsible in the present world situation than having children, but let’s not pretend we’re actually doing it for sane or responsible reasons.”
An interesting anthology on each authors choice to remain childless, definitely worth a read!
An interesting anthology on each authors choice to remain childless, definitely worth a read!
cher_n_books's review against another edition
4.0
3.5 stars - It was really good.
Like most essay collections, some were better than others but I found something interesting or thought provoking in each one. The authors come from very diverse backgrounds, with essays from both men and women, rich and poor, old and young, straight and gay.
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Favorite Quotes: The lack of desire to have a child is innate. It exists outside of my control. It is simply who I am and I can take neither credit nor blame for all that it may or may not signify. But the decision to honor that desire, to find a way to be whole on my own terms even if it means facing the judgment, scorn, and even pity of mainstream society, is a victory. It’s a victory I celebrate every day. ~Courtney Hodell
Not having children is seen as supremely selfish, as though the people having children were selflessly sacrificing themselves in a valiant attempt to ensure the survival of our endangered species and fill up this vast and underpopulated island of ours. ~Geoff Dyer
My womb has always been empty, but my life is full. ~Jeanne Safer
First Sentence: While working on this book, I sometimes found myself contemplating a variation of Leo Tolstoy’s famous “happy families” line from the opening of Anna Karenina: "People who want children are all alike. People who don’t want children don’t want them in their own ways."
Like most essay collections, some were better than others but I found something interesting or thought provoking in each one. The authors come from very diverse backgrounds, with essays from both men and women, rich and poor, old and young, straight and gay.
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Favorite Quotes: The lack of desire to have a child is innate. It exists outside of my control. It is simply who I am and I can take neither credit nor blame for all that it may or may not signify. But the decision to honor that desire, to find a way to be whole on my own terms even if it means facing the judgment, scorn, and even pity of mainstream society, is a victory. It’s a victory I celebrate every day. ~Courtney Hodell
Not having children is seen as supremely selfish, as though the people having children were selflessly sacrificing themselves in a valiant attempt to ensure the survival of our endangered species and fill up this vast and underpopulated island of ours. ~Geoff Dyer
My womb has always been empty, but my life is full. ~Jeanne Safer
First Sentence: While working on this book, I sometimes found myself contemplating a variation of Leo Tolstoy’s famous “happy families” line from the opening of Anna Karenina: "People who want children are all alike. People who don’t want children don’t want them in their own ways."
laurenash's review against another edition
3.0
"But I am astonished at those who are unfazed by the prospect of child rearing."
"Maybe those early sex-education classes worked on me more powerfully than I realized: I'm fifty-six now and am still convinced that if I fathered a child it would be a belated instance of teen pregnancy." I lol'd.
An intensely personal book about an intensely personal topic. Apparently, when I was a kid I told my family that I was NEVER having kids with such conviction that many of them still believe it to this day. And... they're not necessarily wrong. I don't know if I want kids. I'm not exactly great with them and I don't feel a fondness for them. People always go, "Oh, it'll be different when it's your kid." Maybe so, but that's a helluva big risk to take, don't you think? More than feeling like I want to have kids one day, I feel like it was just assumed (even by me) that I would. Because that's what you do-- you grow up, get married, and have kids. I'm only in the first stage right now. And I'm not even ready for marriage, let alone kids.
What's interesting about this book is that MANY of the authors' reasons for not having kids don't necessarily relate to me. I don't have a career that is kid-unfriendly (and doubt I would ever let my work take that kind of precedence); I didn't have an unhappy or abusive childhood... Just one where I felt poor/different a lot of the time. I also continue to feel the weight of the sacrifices my parents made for us. Things of that nature. I definitely felt/noticed the defensiveness and repetitiveness of the author saying, "I LOVE CHILDREN!!!...but I don't want them." What if I don't love children? Does it make me/my decision worse? I would have loved to read more essays from people who feel very "meh" about it all.
As a last note, some essays were better than others. I loved Geoff Dyer's essay, which is where the second quote came from. There are a few points of issue that will probably incite backlash (for instance: the not-so-subtle argument to keep America white), but the sum is greater than the parts.
"Maybe those early sex-education classes worked on me more powerfully than I realized: I'm fifty-six now and am still convinced that if I fathered a child it would be a belated instance of teen pregnancy." I lol'd.
An intensely personal book about an intensely personal topic. Apparently, when I was a kid I told my family that I was NEVER having kids with such conviction that many of them still believe it to this day. And... they're not necessarily wrong. I don't know if I want kids. I'm not exactly great with them and I don't feel a fondness for them. People always go, "Oh, it'll be different when it's your kid." Maybe so, but that's a helluva big risk to take, don't you think? More than feeling like I want to have kids one day, I feel like it was just assumed (even by me) that I would. Because that's what you do-- you grow up, get married, and have kids. I'm only in the first stage right now. And I'm not even ready for marriage, let alone kids.
What's interesting about this book is that MANY of the authors' reasons for not having kids don't necessarily relate to me. I don't have a career that is kid-unfriendly (and doubt I would ever let my work take that kind of precedence); I didn't have an unhappy or abusive childhood... Just one where I felt poor/different a lot of the time. I also continue to feel the weight of the sacrifices my parents made for us. Things of that nature. I definitely felt/noticed the defensiveness and repetitiveness of the author saying, "I LOVE CHILDREN!!!...but I don't want them." What if I don't love children? Does it make me/my decision worse? I would have loved to read more essays from people who feel very "meh" about it all.
As a last note, some essays were better than others. I loved Geoff Dyer's essay, which is where the second quote came from. There are a few points of issue that will probably incite backlash (for instance: the not-so-subtle argument to keep America white), but the sum is greater than the parts.
antidietleah's review against another edition
2.0
I'm quite disappointed. I had such high hopes. The summary called to me, the intro was stellar and had me nodding in agreement with the editor, and then I started reading the essays. I think that there were only 3 or 4 that spoke to me, the rest were either uninteresting or thoroughly depressing. I'm sorry but I don't think that finding yourself in middle age, unmarried, without children, and coming to terms with that is the same as "deciding" to not have children. I cannot relate to women that are "relieved" to have miscarriages and feel as though they "dodged a bullet". Yes, I suppose that perhaps does make them "selfish, shallow, and self-absorbed writers though" but an active decision it does not make. My heart breaks for the writers with the gut-wrenching childhoods, and I understand their "choice". But where are the essays from the young, happily coupled up (or not), successful women that decide to not reproduce and have to deal with being regarded as a heretic or *gasp* a "career-woman"? And apparently there are only so many "excuses" to be childless, since these 16 essays seemed to spout off about the same 5 issues surrounding child-rearing.