Reviews with content warning for Sexism - Der Liebhaber meines Mannes

Let me preface this by saying, I did pick this book up so I could read before the movie came out because of my boy Harry.

This book is complicated for me, with characters who are extremely complicated. It's a very sad and tragic story. It's hard for me to completely like or dislike any of them. They all have their strengths and huge flaws. I finished the book and thought "...that's it? that's how it ends?"

I hurt for both Marion and Patrick. I actually really disliked Tom. For using Marion, who is seemingly was so blinded by love she would do anything for Tom, even when he didn't deserve it. And for not allowing himself to be true to himself, and be fully with Patrick.

I almost wonder if that's the exact reason he chose to marry her. He knew she was in love with him. Maybe he always knew, sensing her infatuation in their younger years. It wasn't fair to anyone involved. He loved Marion platonically but he should've at least tried to show he cared for her. He must've to some extent if he married her? Cut to the part where he finds out Patrick has been arrested and he has the nerve to break down to her. He never had the courage to tell her his true feelings, and yet I guess he suspected she knew? I hate how he gaslit her anytime she stuck up for herself. It was so infuriating. He was way too concerned with the proper way of doing things, his job and reputation and not the people in his life.

I think they were all pretty selfish in different ways. Patrick, for being the 3rd wheel in their marriage, full well knowing here's a woman who genuinely loves her husband and here you are having a secret relationship. Marion, for not leaving Tom and allowing herself to move on - instead writing the dreaded letter that ruins everything and hurts everyone. That was unforgivable. I'll never understand why she couldn't work it out with Tom or just leave him. And Tom, for unfortunately using both people for his own needs.

Heck! Tom should've married Julia then it could've been a Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo kinda situation. An understanding between them all to love whom they wanted in private. I sensed she was also queer and even rooted for Marion to have feelings for her.

I am really excited for the movie because I think it will portray Tom and Patrick's relationship better on screen. That's the one thing that confused me is I didn't expect this to be so much of Marion. I wish we got to see more from Patrick.

Content Warnings

literallyliterature's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

Content Warnings

bstar03's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Content Warnings

hannahryan08's review against another edition

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sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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booksbutmakeitgay's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective medium-paced

3.5

As a queer person, this story makes me incredibly sad..

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mallory10100's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective relaxing sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.75

i enjoyed this. i wish we got Tom’s perspective and less of Marion’s.

Content Warnings

guayabafresca's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

Content Warnings

avishajain's review against another edition

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sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

(3.25)

Harry styles world domination ig. But fr tho, this book in itself was something I wasn't expecting it to be and I'm excited to see harry play Tom (still wondering how they're gonna make the hair on his stomach blond 💀) (and oh also, there's no smut in here, so why is everyone so excited to see if Louis will body doubling for Patrick during the sex scenes since because of covid sex scenes are being filmed with the actors irl partners, because I don't think there's gonna be any sex scenes if there's no smut) Anyway, enjoy this objective review of the book, keeping aside the fact that Harry's gonna be playing Tom is the only reason I picked it up:

After reading this book all I can think about is three lives wasted, all because of homophobia, and about how angry I am at the law making it literally illegal to be gay, and how many lives have been ruined because of this. I am happy that our society is improving, but I am very well aware of the abundance of homophobia there is out there, and I just hope we can remove all of this evil from out society as soon as possible. A good book in general, but it was an average book for me, it just wasn't particularly for me but that doesn't mean you won't love it either, you might. This book did evoke a lot of feelings in me, especially how helpless I felt and how helpless queer people must have felt back then, it just makes me so angry and so sad everytime I think about it. I just hope our society keeps improving till there is no more of this evil left. I truly feel sorry for Marion, Patrick and Tom, all three of them had a disappointing life, I wish they could've simply been themselves, and after reading this I consider myself luckier than ever to be living in this age where you can be whoever you want to be, at the very least in the eyes of law. Very proud to say that the Indian law has even legalised gay marrige, and I hope every country does so, as it is our very, very basic right to be able to love whoever we want to love. An impactful book, will definitely never forget it.

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