Reviews

Alice im Hungerland. Leben mit Bulimie und Magersucht. by Marya Hornbacher

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insycnia's review against another edition

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challenging emotional

4.25

cupcates's review against another edition

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3.0

I AM BAWLING. GOODBYE.

thechaliceofaries's review against another edition

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4.0

As someone who's always had issues with food and weight, reading this memoir felt like taking a terrifying journey with Marya Hornbacher all the way down the same rabbit hole that I myself have often skirted around the edges of. While my own "food issues" (I call them that due to never having been diagnosed) are not as severe as the writer's, I find it painful to realize that there were many disordered behaviours/ideas described in this book that I (and I suspect I am not alone in this) have been doing for a large portion of my life, as if they were just second nature. Throwing up after eating, skipping meals, counting calories and macronutrients religiously, being preoccupied with thoughts of food, what to eat, how much to exercise, whether I deserve to have breakfast or lunch or dinner each day. It is difficult to even type those sentences out, as each word feels like I'm admitting something shameful and secret. That is the insidious, cruel nature of eating disorders - they make you feel like you should be humiliated, simply for existing and taking up space in this world. They make you feel as though you need to be punished for your abnormal, unhealthy devotion to thoughts about food and weight, because it's weird. In reality, over 30 million in the US alone suffer from an eating disorder, a third of which are men, so these things are actually a lot more common than people realize.

I think the writer makes a very clear effort to explain the thought processes that underlie eating disorders, which is a gargantuan task in itself as these thought processes often bend and twist to defy logic. They escape reason, they lack rationality. In spite of this, she manages to do a good job of capturing the essence of it. The details of the writer's illness are shared with honesty and self-awareness, and she maintains a detached, almost lyrical tone throughout. The writing in this is haunting and beautiful, but even so it makes no attempt to mask the true horror of what she went through and how bad things got at her worst. She also debunks some common myths and misconceptions surrounding eating disorders throughout the book, borrowing from published research and her own experiences. I commend her for choosing recovery in the end, and for being open about what a jagged process it is, how there is no magical "happy ever after" once you decide to get better. Because of how painful and vivid of a picture the memoir paints, and how jarring it is to be inside the head of someone who is so seriously mentally ill, this was definitely a difficult read and may not be for everyone.

el_viral's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional hopeful informative reflective sad medium-paced

4.0

Although some elements have clearly been embellished - who remembers exactly their parents' relationship and how they felt at age 9, this must be extrapolated - overall it is a harrowing and moving account of an illness, and far beyond what one would necessarily expect from a 23-year-old. Hornbacher's writing is accomplished, and she very much draws you in to the narrative. As a person with mental health issues myself, although not an ED, I could see some of my own issues ref ecting back on me. As she herself said, there is no satisfactory ending, because there can't be for something like this, the end describing the balancing act needed while striving for a life is poignant. Overall a very good, if challenging read.

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