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snpefk's review
5.0
Как пишут на заборах: «came for porn, stayed for music».
По совету открыл прочитать о выставление личных границ, а то в жизни впадаю в крайности (резкость методов отстаивания пусть будет упражнением для читателя). В результате познал дзен общения с людьми от 2 до 95 лет. Мысль — радикальная: у детей и взрослых одинаковая потребность в уважении, безопасности и комфорте. Что работает на дошкольнике с такой же эффективностью прокатят и на взрослом лбе [citation needed], а психологической гимнастики от исполнителя требуют меньше. Хэштег Андрей Бреслав был прав.
Алсо, лет через 8-10, наверно, перечитаю по прямому назначению
По совету открыл прочитать о выставление личных границ, а то в жизни впадаю в крайности (резкость методов отстаивания пусть будет упражнением для читателя). В результате познал дзен общения с людьми от 2 до 95 лет. Мысль — радикальная: у детей и взрослых одинаковая потребность в уважении, безопасности и комфорте. Что работает на дошкольнике с такой же эффективностью прокатят и на взрослом лбе [citation needed], а психологической гимнастики от исполнителя требуют меньше. Хэштег Андрей Бреслав был прав.
Алсо, лет через 8-10, наверно, перечитаю по прямому назначению
erinrebecca922's review
informative
medium-paced
4.75
As a preschool teacher and toddler parent, I really enjoyed this. The overarching rule "it's okay if it doesn't hurt people or property" has changed how I teach and parent for the better!
urbanaudreye's review
5.0
These renegade rules are near perfect parenting guidelines. I highly suggest this to any parent.
cnorbury's review
5.0
Most of one’s success in life is based on using plain, simple common sense. Most of one’s success raising children should be based on common sense too. Ms. Shumaker's book drips with common sense on every page. Her main premise is instead of trying to raise our children to become mini-adults, we should use common sense to understand the why's of their behaviors, and then raise them to become the best children they can be, with appropriate challenges and success at each stage of their development. She feels this is the most effective method for helping them become successful adults.
What I see as her overarching rule of rules is her Renegade Rule #2: It's OK if it's not hurting people or property. My translation: let kids be kids. Allow them to make noise, make messes, wrestle and roughhouse with each other by mutual agreement, have arguments, be selfish and hog a toy for the entire day, say almost anything (with certain limitations), play during 99% of their free time, and make believe any fantasy they can dream of, even if that fantasy appears to be violent on the surface. AS LONG AS IT'S NOT HURTING PEOPLE OR PROPERTY.
The format is laid out simply, logically, and clearly. Twenty-nine rules, each with its own chapter. Each chapter explains the rule, the reason for the rule, why it works with children, what you might object to initially, case studies or examples of the rule in action, and Renegade Blessings and Children's Rights, which further help reinforce this new way of thinking for parents.
Each chapter also contains step-by-step procedures and suggestions for implementing a new rule. Ms. Shumaker also deals with the inevitable clash between old and new cultures and how to deal with, for example, parents who believe it's abhorrent to let young children indulge in any sort of violent or aggressive fantasy or game. She acknowledges there will be friction between parents with different parenting philosophies and provides handy explanations and justifications for the Renegade parent to gently educate another parent in how to accept a Renegade Parent's style.
Bottom line, I usually conk out reading in bed by eleven o'clock, but "It's OK NOT to Share" was such a page turner it kept me up reading well past midnight on two occasions. This is the best book I've read this year and one of the best nonfiction books I've read in many years.
What I see as her overarching rule of rules is her Renegade Rule #2: It's OK if it's not hurting people or property. My translation: let kids be kids. Allow them to make noise, make messes, wrestle and roughhouse with each other by mutual agreement, have arguments, be selfish and hog a toy for the entire day, say almost anything (with certain limitations), play during 99% of their free time, and make believe any fantasy they can dream of, even if that fantasy appears to be violent on the surface. AS LONG AS IT'S NOT HURTING PEOPLE OR PROPERTY.
The format is laid out simply, logically, and clearly. Twenty-nine rules, each with its own chapter. Each chapter explains the rule, the reason for the rule, why it works with children, what you might object to initially, case studies or examples of the rule in action, and Renegade Blessings and Children's Rights, which further help reinforce this new way of thinking for parents.
Each chapter also contains step-by-step procedures and suggestions for implementing a new rule. Ms. Shumaker also deals with the inevitable clash between old and new cultures and how to deal with, for example, parents who believe it's abhorrent to let young children indulge in any sort of violent or aggressive fantasy or game. She acknowledges there will be friction between parents with different parenting philosophies and provides handy explanations and justifications for the Renegade parent to gently educate another parent in how to accept a Renegade Parent's style.
Bottom line, I usually conk out reading in bed by eleven o'clock, but "It's OK NOT to Share" was such a page turner it kept me up reading well past midnight on two occasions. This is the best book I've read this year and one of the best nonfiction books I've read in many years.
nancywif's review
4.0
I thought this was a really good book on parenting. All the ideas were laid out very well. I didn't get a chance to complete the book since I needed to return it to the library, but I did read through the highlighted sections. As I was reading it I applied some of the rules with my daughter and they actually did work, so I am working on applying some of the other ideas and mixing them with my current parenting style. It was a good time for me to read a parenting book because whoever coined the phrase Terrible Twos was wrong, my daughter has been much more challenging at age 3 then she ever was a year ago. I think understanding some of the whys behind her behavior is helpful and this book is good at explaining why kids do certain things that we as adults may not understand.
kwugirl's review
5.0
Wow, this took me even longer to get through than I had thought, based on the start date that I had logged here. That's more because of the format rather than the content--this book is organized so that each chapter examines different aspects of the "renegade rule" and then goes through suggested wordings or actions in different scenarios with toddlers. So I think it'll be very useful as a reference, but I would have liked there to just be one summarizing essay at the front that went through each idea concisely.
Should you read this book? Try https://offspring.lifehacker.com/what-to-say-to-little-kids-instead-of-say-sorry-1819288365 first and if that resonates with you, then you'll probably like the rest of the book too. It kind of seems to me that a lot of the current toddler parenting books popular with parents trying to figure something out between "I really don't want to do Because I Said So" and "I don't want to raise a spoiled entitled brat" ([b:The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, Survive Everyday Parenting Struggles, and Help Your Family Thrive|10353369|The Whole-Brain Child 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, Survive Everyday Parenting Struggles, and Help Your Family Thrive|Daniel J. Siegel|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320559286s/10353369.jpg|15256278], [b:How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|769016|How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|Adele Faber|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1442201568s/769016.jpg|2738870], etc.) have a lot of similar themes.
This one is very practical and geared towards toddlers, especially in social interactions, and is compatible with [b:Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry|6250260|Free-Range Kids Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry|Lenore Skenazy|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1347644750s/6250260.jpg|6433097] and [b:No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame|23275206|No Bad Kids Toddler Discipline Without Shame|Janet Lansbury|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1426016542s/23275206.jpg|42814487], but probably a little more accessible for people who aren't necessarily fully into free-range or RIE parenting styles. I like reading these books to have a sense of the kinds of conflicts that are in our near future and know that it's not that we're failing as parents and pretty normal for toddlers to work through it all to stop being sociopaths.
Should you read this book? Try https://offspring.lifehacker.com/what-to-say-to-little-kids-instead-of-say-sorry-1819288365 first and if that resonates with you, then you'll probably like the rest of the book too. It kind of seems to me that a lot of the current toddler parenting books popular with parents trying to figure something out between "I really don't want to do Because I Said So" and "I don't want to raise a spoiled entitled brat" ([b:The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, Survive Everyday Parenting Struggles, and Help Your Family Thrive|10353369|The Whole-Brain Child 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, Survive Everyday Parenting Struggles, and Help Your Family Thrive|Daniel J. Siegel|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320559286s/10353369.jpg|15256278], [b:How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|769016|How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|Adele Faber|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1442201568s/769016.jpg|2738870], etc.) have a lot of similar themes.
This one is very practical and geared towards toddlers, especially in social interactions, and is compatible with [b:Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry|6250260|Free-Range Kids Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry|Lenore Skenazy|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1347644750s/6250260.jpg|6433097] and [b:No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame|23275206|No Bad Kids Toddler Discipline Without Shame|Janet Lansbury|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1426016542s/23275206.jpg|42814487], but probably a little more accessible for people who aren't necessarily fully into free-range or RIE parenting styles. I like reading these books to have a sense of the kinds of conflicts that are in our near future and know that it's not that we're failing as parents and pretty normal for toddlers to work through it all to stop being sociopaths.
readerturnedwriter's review
5.0
Reread 2021: Having read a lot more parenting books now, this is no longer my favorite, but it's still a really good one. It was the first that introduced me to this type of parenting, which I love. I strive to be this kind of mom. I don't agree with everything in the book, but I love the principles it is based on (like the idea that kids have rights we as parents need to support or that kids can learn to set their own boundaries with our help).
Original read 2017: If you are a parent, read this book. It is my absolute favorite parenting book now, I can't say enough good about it. It has changed the way I (and my husband) parent, the way I interact with nieces and nephews, even the way I teach my four year old class at church. Everything she teaches is based off of the rights the children (and parents) have, she gives examples of application, shares some specific things you should and shouldn't say in certain situations, and even shares ideas for how to handle other parents who parent differently than you. This is the best parenting book I've ever picked up.
Original read 2017: If you are a parent, read this book. It is my absolute favorite parenting book now, I can't say enough good about it. It has changed the way I (and my husband) parent, the way I interact with nieces and nephews, even the way I teach my four year old class at church. Everything she teaches is based off of the rights the children (and parents) have, she gives examples of application, shares some specific things you should and shouldn't say in certain situations, and even shares ideas for how to handle other parents who parent differently than you. This is the best parenting book I've ever picked up.
kgsatter's review
5.0
One of the best and more transformative parenting books I have read! I deliberately read it slowly over 9 months, reading one chapter at a time and trying to implement that I had learned. Having my toddler dictate his big feelings to me and writing them in letter form. Encouraging by boys to work problems out between each other and set their own boundaries. Encouraging roughhousing and physical play. Letting them take as long a turn as they want, and then they gladly give away that toy when they are good and ready....the list continues on and on! I started reading this after my boys turned 2, and it was a great time to start - although it is relevant all the way up to 4th/5th graders too! I highly recommend this book - top 2 best parenting books I have read.