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sweetbeetle's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
!!! Abuser torments abuse victim with suicide letters after the victim has gone no-contact !!!
70% verbal abuse, 10% immature ideas, 10% poor writing and 10% extremely sincere thoughts.
Normally, I don't write reviews as loaded as this one, but this book was a special case.
Be aware that this book is essentially a suicide note written by the author weeks before her death.
It is hard to say how autobiographical this book is, but from the text the following is clear:
70% verbal abuse, 10% immature ideas, 10% poor writing and 10% extremely sincere thoughts.
Normally, I don't write reviews as loaded as this one, but this book was a special case.
Be aware that this book is essentially a suicide note written by the author weeks before her death.
It is hard to say how autobiographical this book is, but from the text the following is clear:
- The narrator has physically abused her partner in the past.
- The victim has since gone no-contact.
- The abuser does not accept the no-contact and insists the victim still loves her.
- The mental abuse continues through:
- Constant phone calling
- Letters dissecting the victim's 'flaws' which constantly mentions suicide as a solution to the pain the victim has 'caused' the abuser.
5. The abuser is unable to take responsibility for her actions and believe she should have constant
access to her victim.
I think it is important for all future readers to be aware of these facts before reading. (These are not spoilers, they are quickly revealed.)
It is a painful read because the book most likely served the purpose of further abusing the author's past partner. The lack of remorse, the complete lack of self-awareness expressed by the narrator is impressive and most doubtfully not the result of a purposeful unlikeable protagonist. It is most likely the result of the severe mental state the author was in while writing this, and should be read as such.
That being said, after I started thinking about the book in this way, I could enjoy the good parts. As mentioned above, the verbal abuse in these letters is relentless and I could only 'enjoy' them in an anthropological way; How does the mind of abusers operate? How do they justify their actions?
(If you read this review after reading the book and you think this way of talking to another person is normal or excusable, please know it is not and I will personally pray that no one will ever abuse you like this again.)
What is to be said besides the abuse? Well, the narrator is very immature, a lot of people point this out, and certain parts are hard to read. Ideally an editor should have removed these parts.
There is also quite a lot of poor writing. Ideally an editor should also have removed these parts.
But the parts of the book that were not tainted by these things were so sincere that I was very touched. Much more touched than I had anticipated, despite the awful abuse. Maybe because the whole book was so unedited and raw, the parts that did work worked really well. The narrator's voice was so real and clear, and so when it was not entitled and awful, it was very powerful and moving.
I weirdly don't regret reading this book. Somehow the good parts moved me more than most of the books I read recently. Somehow such a small percentage of worthy lines managed to outweigh the awful parts. Impressive. Impressive what literature can do to you.
access to her victim.
I think it is important for all future readers to be aware of these facts before reading. (These are not spoilers, they are quickly revealed.)
It is a painful read because the book most likely served the purpose of further abusing the author's past partner. The lack of remorse, the complete lack of self-awareness expressed by the narrator is impressive and most doubtfully not the result of a purposeful unlikeable protagonist. It is most likely the result of the severe mental state the author was in while writing this, and should be read as such.
That being said, after I started thinking about the book in this way, I could enjoy the good parts. As mentioned above, the verbal abuse in these letters is relentless and I could only 'enjoy' them in an anthropological way; How does the mind of abusers operate? How do they justify their actions?
(If you read this review after reading the book and you think this way of talking to another person is normal or excusable, please know it is not and I will personally pray that no one will ever abuse you like this again.)
What is to be said besides the abuse? Well, the narrator is very immature, a lot of people point this out, and certain parts are hard to read. Ideally an editor should have removed these parts.
There is also quite a lot of poor writing. Ideally an editor should also have removed these parts.
But the parts of the book that were not tainted by these things were so sincere that I was very touched. Much more touched than I had anticipated, despite the awful abuse. Maybe because the whole book was so unedited and raw, the parts that did work worked really well. The narrator's voice was so real and clear, and so when it was not entitled and awful, it was very powerful and moving.
I weirdly don't regret reading this book. Somehow the good parts moved me more than most of the books I read recently. Somehow such a small percentage of worthy lines managed to outweigh the awful parts. Impressive. Impressive what literature can do to you.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Suicidal thoughts, and Gaslighting
Moderate: Animal cruelty, Animal death, Eating disorder, Infidelity, Suicide, Vomit, and Stalking
gelsreads's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? N/A
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Toxic relationship, and Lesbophobia
toffishay's review against another edition
challenging
dark
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
This book is so honest, so willing to detail the painful, ugly inner workings of a mind in distress, that I really felt like I shouldn't be reading it. It felt like reading someone's diary. It is a fictionalized or hyperbolized or mythologized autobiography, but you do get to see the inside of the narrators head in a way that made it feel like I was standing over her shoulder. It's experimental and so it is very hard to read at times. It is also like a diary in that it goes in circles, where the narrator flips between moments of realization and dedication to improvement and returns to the depths of mental anguish and despair. It makes sense that Qiu puts themself in conversation with Osamu Dazai, because I couldn't help but think of No Longer Human. But, I don't want to dilute Qiu's work too much with comparison. If you are interested in lesbian literature and/or experimental fiction, I think that this is more than worth the read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicidal thoughts
Moderate: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, and Infidelity
Minor: Sexual content and Lesbophobia
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