elusivity's review against another edition
3.0
A very close examination of infidelity in the context of marriage. In these modern times, people put too much hope and dream and expectations upon this venerable institution, upon this one other person who is supposed to be stable yet exciting, endlessly loving and giving, supportive and sexy, consistent through time but also mysterious and alluring.
It's too much weight for any person to bear.
The downside is, perhaps too narrowly focused, using too small a sample, yet not probing deep enough into each relationship for me to draw any real conclusions..
It's too much weight for any person to bear.
The downside is, perhaps too narrowly focused, using too small a sample, yet not probing deep enough into each relationship for me to draw any real conclusions..
scandinative's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
dianaj23's review against another edition
4.0
4.5 stars. I find this to be a very important read for everyone who tries to understand what motivates people. I know that's a big proclamation, but Esther Perel doesn't only talk about affairs, but also about what motivates people to have them, what hides behind the stigma, all the while highlighting what a whirlpool of emotions and experiences we all are.
It is also a book very kind to its subjects, written by someone who heard gut wrenching stories for decades. One of the most fascinating parts of the book was Perel recounting the hundreds of people who confessed to her their misgivings and her attempts to help them save themselves.
On a deeper level, it is also about our current society and the things we demand from love, the impossible ideal we require from our romantic partners and our disappointments when they don't meet our unreasonable expectations.
It is also a book very kind to its subjects, written by someone who heard gut wrenching stories for decades. One of the most fascinating parts of the book was Perel recounting the hundreds of people who confessed to her their misgivings and her attempts to help them save themselves.
On a deeper level, it is also about our current society and the things we demand from love, the impossible ideal we require from our romantic partners and our disappointments when they don't meet our unreasonable expectations.
hangrim's review against another edition
2.0
I don't know how to write a review for such a complex read as this... Perel challenged a lot of my thoughts and beliefs about marriage and affairs. Some points I struggled to understand the point she was trying to make, too wandering in her airing out both sides, or could not fully take the side she is trying to make. At times finding her too sympathetic to the straying culprit. This book reads like a therapist wrote it with an incredibly neutral and impartial voice on all topics. I am taking with me a better understanding on how to be more expansive within my own relationship and a glimpse inside the minds of those who do have affairs.
seb_96's review
3.0
As a fan of her talks, I was really excited to read this book. Overall, my expectations were met.
If you're looking for statistics and science-backed data about infidelity, this is not the book for you. As many others noted, this book is mostly comprised of her experiences as a relationship therapist. The anecdotal evidence of this book is very intriguing at first and almost feels like one is eavesdropping a couple's private therapy session. Sadly, the many characters and patients start to blend at one point which makes it hard to keep track. At times, in a very Carrie Bradshaw-esque way, she poses many more questions than she answers. I think this book could have benefited from focusing more on particular couples, as different kinds of case studies. In my opinion, these passages are when Perel really shines.
Nevertheless, this was a fun read and I would recommend it to anybody with an interest in relationship dynamics and (non-)monogamy.
If you're looking for statistics and science-backed data about infidelity, this is not the book for you. As many others noted, this book is mostly comprised of her experiences as a relationship therapist. The anecdotal evidence of this book is very intriguing at first and almost feels like one is eavesdropping a couple's private therapy session. Sadly, the many characters and patients start to blend at one point which makes it hard to keep track. At times, in a very Carrie Bradshaw-esque way, she poses many more questions than she answers. I think this book could have benefited from focusing more on particular couples, as different kinds of case studies. In my opinion, these passages are when Perel really shines.
Nevertheless, this was a fun read and I would recommend it to anybody with an interest in relationship dynamics and (non-)monogamy.
divyasudhakar's review against another edition
4.0
A very fascinating book on a very fascinating topic. The style of the book is very anecdota and I'd normally complain about not having enough data in a book of this genre but, hey, it works. It feels a little vicarious to be listening in on the intimate details of all these couples' relationships but reading/hearing about these lived stories has more of an impact than the sporadic studies on infidelity that Esther intersperses throughout the book.
The "takeaways" chapter at the end of the book feels a little tacked on. The real strength of the book is in simply illustrating that infidelity is a deeply complex issue and there's no one size fits all solution. In doing so, it fills an important niche.
The "takeaways" chapter at the end of the book feels a little tacked on. The real strength of the book is in simply illustrating that infidelity is a deeply complex issue and there's no one size fits all solution. In doing so, it fills an important niche.
jero's review against another edition
5.0
I enjoyed how Esther Perel writes about this charged topic, doing it in such a way that keept me engaged throughout the book. She really helps one think about marriage, but gives us the opportunity to question the traditional ideas with maturity and insight.
thesummerlillie's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0