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mayas003's review
1.0
Where should I start?
I will only say a few words. If an 18-year-old young man lives in a world where his parents are the tenant's farmers of a prosperous vineyard, then that young man should be super busy with work. He appears not to have any siblings, so what did he do all day that ha had anything to compare and have this desire to be more? He should have a low education coming from his station in life, but his mother knows how to read. But in Anatalia, education is given, and this society is like one further than the middle ages that the rest of the book portrays.
That low education should be present in the way the parents talk. But no, Liam's father sounds like a man from the next-door house in Florida.
In the case of Liam, he wanted to leave his life because he wanted more in life, and thus he went to be a soldier in the Capital. So we have a nobody son of a farmer with a decent vocabulary even though he is supposed to be poor go to be a soldier at 18 and the rest are soldiers at 15. Why didn't he go when he was 15?
So he leaves his house, and the story jumps to after he finishes his training and is to swear his loyalty to the King and queen. And here I had to stop reading. No army ever takes low-level recruits in front of the queen and King to make an oath; that honor is given to the nobility. Low-level recruits are trained to march, hold a weapon, fight with it, cook a meal, and tend the nobility. They will never be near the King or the queen. And this story fell in the bullshit category. If you talk about Armies, royalties, and monarchies, some rules need to be followed.
But I kept on reading.
And what the author described Liam went through was a military academy type of treatment. Something that only the sons of the nobility have the privilege to go in societies of the level the author created. This story is supposed to be in a pre-industrial age society, so there are so many mistakes I can't believe I was still reading.
And that, my friends, was the first chapter. And by the way, I have no idea how Liam looks. He could be green with red eyes, for all I know.
And in Chapter two, The story jumps, and we don't have Liam. Here we have a different character. This time is a duke. This Duke is also in the military but has no squire, no page, and only aid that doesn't help him with anything but with papers. Again, a nobleman of such a high rack will always have to have with him at least a squire and a page. They must keep their appearances and even more if they are members of the royal family.
I must stop here.
I kept reading, and the errors in characterization continued. There were jumps in POV and Stylistic blotches.
The plot development happened nicely until 2/3 of the book, and then things dragged to pick up the pace again a few chapters later. I hopped for the villains to be bettered developed, but they fell short.
I did like the character of Margaret. The author did a good job with Margaret, and I saw myself connecting with her story, but the secondary characters in her storyline needed to be developed.
Why am I so Upset? The plot of this story is so good this it could have been a remarkable story if only the author had polished the manuscript. This book is in desperate need of a developmental editor. It needed for the author to look at all the nuances of the place and time of her story.
Please describe your characters. I want to know if the main character is bald or has a residing hairline as my 18-year-old neighbor has or if he has a head full of blond curls. I'd like to know these things because it gives me a framework of where I am in the world the author is creating.
The devil is in the details. There is all this thing about show don't tell, and At the moment I say if you are going to tell me the story, Then GIVE ME DETAILS.
I can go on, but I am not going to do it. I liked the plot, but all these problems destroyed my enjoyment of the story.
I will only say a few words. If an 18-year-old young man lives in a world where his parents are the tenant's farmers of a prosperous vineyard, then that young man should be super busy with work. He appears not to have any siblings, so what did he do all day that ha had anything to compare and have this desire to be more? He should have a low education coming from his station in life, but his mother knows how to read. But in Anatalia, education is given, and this society is like one further than the middle ages that the rest of the book portrays.
That low education should be present in the way the parents talk. But no, Liam's father sounds like a man from the next-door house in Florida.
In the case of Liam, he wanted to leave his life because he wanted more in life, and thus he went to be a soldier in the Capital. So we have a nobody son of a farmer with a decent vocabulary even though he is supposed to be poor go to be a soldier at 18 and the rest are soldiers at 15. Why didn't he go when he was 15?
So he leaves his house, and the story jumps to after he finishes his training and is to swear his loyalty to the King and queen. And here I had to stop reading. No army ever takes low-level recruits in front of the queen and King to make an oath; that honor is given to the nobility. Low-level recruits are trained to march, hold a weapon, fight with it, cook a meal, and tend the nobility. They will never be near the King or the queen. And this story fell in the bullshit category. If you talk about Armies, royalties, and monarchies, some rules need to be followed.
But I kept on reading.
And what the author described Liam went through was a military academy type of treatment. Something that only the sons of the nobility have the privilege to go in societies of the level the author created. This story is supposed to be in a pre-industrial age society, so there are so many mistakes I can't believe I was still reading.
And that, my friends, was the first chapter. And by the way, I have no idea how Liam looks. He could be green with red eyes, for all I know.
And in Chapter two, The story jumps, and we don't have Liam. Here we have a different character. This time is a duke. This Duke is also in the military but has no squire, no page, and only aid that doesn't help him with anything but with papers. Again, a nobleman of such a high rack will always have to have with him at least a squire and a page. They must keep their appearances and even more if they are members of the royal family.
I must stop here.
I kept reading, and the errors in characterization continued. There were jumps in POV and Stylistic blotches.
The plot development happened nicely until 2/3 of the book, and then things dragged to pick up the pace again a few chapters later. I hopped for the villains to be bettered developed, but they fell short.
I did like the character of Margaret. The author did a good job with Margaret, and I saw myself connecting with her story, but the secondary characters in her storyline needed to be developed.
Why am I so Upset? The plot of this story is so good this it could have been a remarkable story if only the author had polished the manuscript. This book is in desperate need of a developmental editor. It needed for the author to look at all the nuances of the place and time of her story.
Please describe your characters. I want to know if the main character is bald or has a residing hairline as my 18-year-old neighbor has or if he has a head full of blond curls. I'd like to know these things because it gives me a framework of where I am in the world the author is creating.
The devil is in the details. There is all this thing about show don't tell, and At the moment I say if you are going to tell me the story, Then GIVE ME DETAILS.
I can go on, but I am not going to do it. I liked the plot, but all these problems destroyed my enjoyment of the story.
sarahed's review
5.0
This book is set in a fictional world, so technically fantasy, but no magic or supernatural elements, so in style its closer to historical ficiton.
Liam is a young man keen to prove himself by joining the army. At first he gets on well, but of course things go horribly wrong after he discovers a traitorous plot. Margaret is a young lady whose family is 'new money' - she's trying to find her way in the tricky world of court etiquette. Things only get worse when her father falls ill. These young people cross paths at various points in their life but this first book in the series is very much about the incidents defining their individual coming of ages rather than their interactions. Their relationship promises to develop a lot more in the next book in the series.
Liam is a likeable character, who wants to make his way in the world, and is forced onto an unpleasant path. Margaret is both likeable and sympathetic, dealing with nasty characters at court and struggling to remain independent and to be able to take care of herself despite her wealth - she doesn't want to put her trust in her family's money or in other people. Both characters start off naive and develop an understanding of the way of the world, through unfortunate circumstances.
By the end of the book, I am rooting for both characters, who are making their best ways forward against adversity, and have both grown considerably, and cannot wait to see how they interact when their paths collide. The first book will lead straight into the second book, and ends with some tension to be resolved.
A recommended read for anyone who enjoys non-magical fantasy or historical fiction.
Liam is a young man keen to prove himself by joining the army. At first he gets on well, but of course things go horribly wrong after he discovers a traitorous plot. Margaret is a young lady whose family is 'new money' - she's trying to find her way in the tricky world of court etiquette. Things only get worse when her father falls ill. These young people cross paths at various points in their life but this first book in the series is very much about the incidents defining their individual coming of ages rather than their interactions. Their relationship promises to develop a lot more in the next book in the series.
Liam is a likeable character, who wants to make his way in the world, and is forced onto an unpleasant path. Margaret is both likeable and sympathetic, dealing with nasty characters at court and struggling to remain independent and to be able to take care of herself despite her wealth - she doesn't want to put her trust in her family's money or in other people. Both characters start off naive and develop an understanding of the way of the world, through unfortunate circumstances.
By the end of the book, I am rooting for both characters, who are making their best ways forward against adversity, and have both grown considerably, and cannot wait to see how they interact when their paths collide. The first book will lead straight into the second book, and ends with some tension to be resolved.
A recommended read for anyone who enjoys non-magical fantasy or historical fiction.
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