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bean_there_done_that's review
1.0
1 star.
I'm saddened to have to give this story only 1 star. It had a lot of good ideas, but its potential was marred by poor editing and rushed characterization.
It seemed as if this story had not gone through a reread/edit, because there were many missing commas and words.
Take this quote for example:
Rayna says this to James during his attempt to jump off a bridge. I had mistakenly assumed that James was the one with diabetes (please also note that the author capitalized diabetes), so I was very confused, thinking that James was going to jump off a bridge because he was diagnosed with diabetes. You see, it turns out that it isn't James who has diabetes, it's Rayna. The sentence was missing an "I," so the sentence was supposed to be "Now I battle diabetes..."
And that leads to the next issue, the rushed characterization. The story immediately begins with Rayna trying to stop James from committing suicide. I have no problems with that sort of beginning, not if the author is trying to create tension and suspense. However, I do have a problem with characters throwing out their entire life-stories. Only two pages into the novel, and I find out that Rayna has HIV and diabetes, and is struggling to survive. That's a classic example of "telling, not showing." I want to understand a character, not be forced to participate in a pity-party of hers.
Then Rayna talks James away from jumping. And suddenly, they decide to start dating. At this point I was yelling, "What is going ON?" We were thrown into this story with little to no background of Rayna's relation to James. Were they acquaintances? Friends? BFFs? I found it hard to be enthusiastic about their newly founded relationship when there was lack of information as to how they had gotten to known each other previously.
Rayna also mentions a character, Ellen. You see, this "Ellen" has not been mentioned or described previously. I literally stared at my kindle, mumbling, "Who is Ellen? Did I miss something here?" A few pages later, we learn that Ellen is Rayna's best friend. At that point I had a headache.
This story really did have a lot of potential. But I couldn't endure the terrible editing and the fast-paced development. I do hope that McCorkle finds a proper editor, because her story could have been something amazing.
I'm saddened to have to give this story only 1 star. It had a lot of good ideas, but its potential was marred by poor editing and rushed characterization.
It seemed as if this story had not gone through a reread/edit, because there were many missing commas and words.
Take this quote for example:
"Now battle Diabetes and the side effects of the medication."
Rayna says this to James during his attempt to jump off a bridge. I had mistakenly assumed that James was the one with diabetes (please also note that the author capitalized diabetes), so I was very confused, thinking that James was going to jump off a bridge because he was diagnosed with diabetes. You see, it turns out that it isn't James who has diabetes, it's Rayna. The sentence was missing an "I," so the sentence was supposed to be "Now I battle diabetes..."
And that leads to the next issue, the rushed characterization. The story immediately begins with Rayna trying to stop James from committing suicide. I have no problems with that sort of beginning, not if the author is trying to create tension and suspense. However, I do have a problem with characters throwing out their entire life-stories. Only two pages into the novel, and I find out that Rayna has HIV and diabetes, and is struggling to survive. That's a classic example of "telling, not showing." I want to understand a character, not be forced to participate in a pity-party of hers.
Then Rayna talks James away from jumping. And suddenly, they decide to start dating. At this point I was yelling, "What is going ON?" We were thrown into this story with little to no background of Rayna's relation to James. Were they acquaintances? Friends? BFFs? I found it hard to be enthusiastic about their newly founded relationship when there was lack of information as to how they had gotten to known each other previously.
Rayna also mentions a character, Ellen. You see, this "Ellen" has not been mentioned or described previously. I literally stared at my kindle, mumbling, "Who is Ellen? Did I miss something here?" A few pages later, we learn that Ellen is Rayna's best friend. At that point I had a headache.
This story really did have a lot of potential. But I couldn't endure the terrible editing and the fast-paced development. I do hope that McCorkle finds a proper editor, because her story could have been something amazing.
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