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loganmedrano's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
funny
fast-paced
3.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Moderate: Addiction, Alcoholism, Death, Drug use, and Gun violence
Minor: Homophobia
librarymouse's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
emotional
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
What an odd book. Paul is a strange, yet often lovely character. His hedonism was off putting at first, and I initially had a hard time reconciling my enjoyment of the writing with my dislike of Paul, but the further the novel progressed, the more sympathetic of a character Paul became. Paul's experience of gender and the way Lawlor represents that on the page is something unique and special. It shows the ways in which we try and fail and try again to externally represent our interior experiences of selfhood, but made magical in its visibility. Similarly, Paul's struggles to maintain expression of exclusively male or female features at different points throughout the novel, in order to fulfil the desires of someone else felt so real and exemplary of the struggle between external expression and internal experience when trying to find an aesthetic that feels comfortable as someone who doesn't feel that either gender fits quite right. I think I liked the consistent use of "he" as Paul's pronouns despite his spending a large portion of the novel as a girl. I think it's an interesting comment, again, on the way selfhood is experienced, but also for the idea that gender expression doesn't necessarily equate to gender identity/experience. However, I can understand the critiques of the use of "he" exclusively as falling into the pitfalls of gender essentialism. It's a very narrow line.
Paul being made a more sympathetic character for me, comes to fruition as he finally flashes back to when and why he chose to leave New York for the Midwest after the boy he loved and left; and to whom he always assumed he'd return to at some point, dies of HIV/AIDS before Paul works up the courage to call him back. The slips of memories of the friends and lovers there one day and gone the next, blurry around the edges with grief and the rapidity of their deaths offer an alternative lens through which to view Paul's escape and the risks he's willing to take, thinking he's found a safe place where illness can't take those he cares for. While it's never quite clear whether or not he can get HIV/AIDS, the risks he takes after his love's death take on a nihilistic tone, ready and willing to put himself in danger for the thrill of it. Behind the hedonism, there's such raw and tender humanity.
At the start I almost DNF'd this book. After some post-reading contemplation, this is a 5 star read,
At the start I almost DNF'd this book. After some post-reading contemplation, this is a 5 star read,
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Death, Hate crime, Homophobia, Infidelity, Mental illness, Sexism, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Medical content, Grief, Alcohol, and Sexual harassment
Moderate: Biphobia, Body horror, Drug use, Lesbophobia, and Pandemic/Epidemic
Minor: Dysphoria
kmartro's review against another edition
challenging
funny
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
Incredibly hard read for me, it is full of consistent specific music and book references that I, as someone who did not live through the 90's queer scene, did not get at all. I found myself skimming often when it got particularly dense.
I liked reading Paul but didn't like him. I thought the author might do something developmental with him realizing he's too agreeable but he ends the same way he starts.
Even though Paul is a shape-shifter and he moves through queer communities as both sexes, his inner monologue is still that of a gay man, I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone looking for the cis-lesbian experience specifically.
The smut was sharp and to the point, it doesn't stay long. Overall glad I read it, but I don't think I'll be rereading it.
I liked reading Paul but didn't like him. I thought the author might do something developmental with him realizing he's too agreeable but he ends the same way he starts.
Even though Paul is a shape-shifter and he moves through queer communities as both sexes, his inner monologue is still that of a gay man, I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone looking for the cis-lesbian experience specifically.
The smut was sharp and to the point, it doesn't stay long. Overall glad I read it, but I don't think I'll be rereading it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug use and Sexual content
Moderate: Alcoholism and Dysphoria
Minor: Death, Vomit, Stalking, Outing, Classism, and Pandemic/Epidemic
joensign's review against another edition
adventurous
funny
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content and Transphobia
Moderate: Drug use, Homophobia, and Alcohol
meganlamming's review against another edition
mysterious
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Moderate: Drug use and Sexual assault
james1star's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
I find this book quite a hard one to cement my thoughts on…. overall I think it was a decent read but also had quite a few issues too. In it we’re following Paul (/Polly), a twenty two year old old queer person in the early nighties. But he (the character is very likely what we’d call non-binary with they/them pronouns now but Lawlor decides to only use ‘he’ so I will too) is also a shapeshifter, able to change his body and parts and flips between male and female biologically. It’s set first in Iowa city with a more emerging queer scene, but moves to Provincetown and San Francisco where the queer history of these places are more established but obviously different given the New England coastal town and thriving city locations. In these spaces, Paul explores his sexuality and gender identity in a rather eye-opening way trying to categorise himself but ‘failing’ to do so given he really doesn’t know. There’s also little folk-like tales interspersed throughout which I came to read as alternative origin stories of how Paul got his shape shifting powers from and whilst they didn’t really add anything to the story, they were good.
Whilst above is the main plot, it’s in many ways a love letter to the nighties. Lawlor infuses many references to the music, tv and film, books, art and other parts of the culture with a strong focus on queer creators which I revelled in. They at times list these mentions and I had to do so too because the decade was a time of great change with many facets to discover. What’s also great is the inclusion of time-specific mentions as we’re following queer characters and their lives in a time of queer-phobia and the HIV/AIDS epidemic of the eighties following into the early nighties. The best part for me was from the pages 273-278 where Paul is thinking back to his time spent in New York with an old partner as they worked with AIDS organisations and it was just exceptional: the topic, what happened and in a sense the anger and injustice present in that little passage was so hard hitting and despite the theme I loved it.
The book definitely had things to say and messages to put across but they’re cheapened by what I found to be my main criticism of the book. And that’s the hyper fixation on sex. I liked how sex positive and freeing I guess it was to start but when the same things are basically rehashed multiple times it gets boring and rather crude too. Paul’s sexual encounters and ‘victories’ were focused on far too much and it took me out of the story. It’s also clear Lawlor put more detail and emphasis on this then the other passages and descriptions which aren’t bad but I could tell a divide.
Overall, I would recommend this and it’s rather unique but the real meaning and crux of what the author was trying to portray and say was definitely cheapened by what happens for most of the book. It got better as it went along but what had already happened was too much to not allow any higher rating then I’ve given it. It’s possible on a re-read I might get more but unlikely.
Whilst above is the main plot, it’s in many ways a love letter to the nighties. Lawlor infuses many references to the music, tv and film, books, art and other parts of the culture with a strong focus on queer creators which I revelled in. They at times list these mentions and I had to do so too because the decade was a time of great change with many facets to discover. What’s also great is the inclusion of time-specific mentions as we’re following queer characters and their lives in a time of queer-phobia and the HIV/AIDS epidemic of the eighties following into the early nighties. The best part for me was from the pages 273-278 where Paul is thinking back to his time spent in New York with an old partner as they worked with AIDS organisations and it was just exceptional: the topic, what happened and in a sense the anger and injustice present in that little passage was so hard hitting and despite the theme I loved it.
The book definitely had things to say and messages to put across but they’re cheapened by what I found to be my main criticism of the book. And that’s the hyper fixation on sex. I liked how sex positive and freeing I guess it was to start but when the same things are basically rehashed multiple times it gets boring and rather crude too. Paul’s sexual encounters and ‘victories’ were focused on far too much and it took me out of the story. It’s also clear Lawlor put more detail and emphasis on this then the other passages and descriptions which aren’t bad but I could tell a divide.
Overall, I would recommend this and it’s rather unique but the real meaning and crux of what the author was trying to portray and say was definitely cheapened by what happens for most of the book. It got better as it went along but what had already happened was too much to not allow any higher rating then I’ve given it. It’s possible on a re-read I might get more but unlikely.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content
Moderate: Alcohol
Minor: Cursing, Death, Drug abuse, Drug use, Hate crime, Homophobia, Terminal illness, Grief, and Lesbophobia
fynn_jls's review against another edition
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism and Sexual content
Moderate: Death and Drug use
golpesar818's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
funny
lighthearted
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
my only critique would be the interludes and random short stories unrelated to the plot scattered throughout the book, in my opinion, didn’t do much to advance the story, so i found them a bit distracting. i loved the writing, except the parts that went into literary-academic speak territory, and at times it was too referential (and i say this because a lot of it i wasn’t familiar with!). but the humor, heat, and heartbreak, the subtle magical realism and realness, and the journey through queer history and underground was sublime. oddly, i find myself thinking of paul’s character constantly and his silent judgments of our social world.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Drug use, Homophobia, Sexual content, and Alcohol
bronzeageholly's review
emotional
funny
mysterious
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
In one word? Masterful.
Paul/Polly’s character is so well crafted she/he could walk off the page and I wouldn’t know they weren’t real.
This is a book of personal journey, perfect for those who love a flawed protagonist. We drift with Paul/Polly as they tackle passion, grief, guilt, loss, gratitude. We are afloat in the heady haze of existence with them, learning (or not learning) about themselves along the way.
Change is omnipresent for Paul/Polly, most significantly in their gender fluidity but also in friendships, living situations, identity, jobs, relationships, music, and bars.
The short stories that were placed throughout the text were so enticing. They reminded me a lot of Jerome K Jerome’s ‘Three Men in a Boat’; the reader is left wondering whether there is something a little more we were meant to get from the tale, another moral left to find, an extra metaphor left to uncover.
All in all, this book is a stunning and unreserved tribute to community, to finding ourselves, to being aware of ourselves, to queer theory and queer love and queer freedom.
((definitely an 18+ read!))
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Sexual content, and Grief
Moderate: Drug use, Homophobia, Transphobia, and Alcohol
artstitute's review against another edition
adventurous
hopeful
mysterious
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
This book was slow, quiet, and reflective, and I was happy to settle back and be along for the ride. Paul's kind of a dick, but I have a soft spot for him anyway.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content and Alcohol
Moderate: Death, Drug use, Terminal illness, and Pandemic/Epidemic
Minor: Homophobia, Vomit, and Stalking
The AIDS epidemic is referenced and discussed.