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A review by cynicaltrilobite
All Hallows by Christopher Golden
2.0
We asked the Cunning Man for a quote. He responded "Fuck them kids!" and then alleyooped into a blackthorn tree.
This book was a miserable messy slog, and I purely finished it just to get it done and with the hope that it may turn itself around in the end. Spoiled alert, it doesn't.
All Hallows main issue is that it hasn't the slightest clue what it's trying to be. A family drama? Sort of. A young adult coming of age story? I guess. Societal commentary? I wish not. Thriller? Eh. Horror? No.
There's so many plot threads that just come together to make a shoddy crumpled tapestry of a story and leave me feeling like I wasted my time. I don't really care about any of these characters, and then when the plot starts picking them off for apparent shock value, I really just can't be assed to pretend to be shocked.
This sits pretty at a 1.5, so rounded up to two stars for me. It isn't lower because while there's very little for me here to like, it wasn't offensively bad.
Some random thoughts I can't really fit into a bigger paragraph.
• We got through like 60% of the book before any spooky stuff started happening. Sooooo much buildup for a great wet flop of an ending.
• What was the point of the pedophile serial killer couple? Because aside from sort of getting Rick and Billie involved and acting as an explanation for the murders, they don't add anything at all to the plot.
• The Cunning Man fucking sucks at his job. Why does he bother wasting time killing three adults while ignoring the little witch children who are RIGHT THERE?
• As a queer man, I'm all for exploration of sexuality and becoming comfortable with it, but oh my word, there is just so much pointless fluff about one if the main character's being a lesbian. It just felt so pointless and repetitive. Again, a shame because I love compelling explorations and acceptance of one's sexuality.
• Why exactly did the Cunning Man take Mr. Sweeney and wear him?
• Why did we never properly meet this overarching witch antagonist?
It's such a disappointing book that should have gotten me into the Halloween spirit and instead left me feeling hollow like a weathered scarecrow.
This book was a miserable messy slog, and I purely finished it just to get it done and with the hope that it may turn itself around in the end. Spoiled alert, it doesn't.
All Hallows main issue is that it hasn't the slightest clue what it's trying to be. A family drama? Sort of. A young adult coming of age story? I guess. Societal commentary? I wish not. Thriller? Eh. Horror? No.
There's so many plot threads that just come together to make a shoddy crumpled tapestry of a story and leave me feeling like I wasted my time. I don't really care about any of these characters, and then when the plot starts picking them off for apparent shock value, I really just can't be assed to pretend to be shocked.
This sits pretty at a 1.5, so rounded up to two stars for me. It isn't lower because while there's very little for me here to like, it wasn't offensively bad.
Some random thoughts I can't really fit into a bigger paragraph.
• We got through like 60% of the book before any spooky stuff started happening. Sooooo much buildup for a great wet flop of an ending.
• What was the point of the pedophile serial killer couple? Because aside from sort of getting Rick and Billie involved and acting as an explanation for the murders, they don't add anything at all to the plot.
• The Cunning Man fucking sucks at his job. Why does he bother wasting time killing three adults while ignoring the little witch children who are RIGHT THERE?
• As a queer man, I'm all for exploration of sexuality and becoming comfortable with it, but oh my word, there is just so much pointless fluff about one if the main character's being a lesbian. It just felt so pointless and repetitive. Again, a shame because I love compelling explorations and acceptance of one's sexuality.
• Why exactly did the Cunning Man take Mr. Sweeney and wear him?
• Why did we never properly meet this overarching witch antagonist?
It's such a disappointing book that should have gotten me into the Halloween spirit and instead left me feeling hollow like a weathered scarecrow.