A review by greyhuigris
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World by Alan Downs
1.0
Despite being only 16 years old, this reads as extremely dated. I'm not sure that it would have been a better read back then, but it certainly feels out of touch now, almost to the point of being harmful towards the LGBTQ+ community at large. A brief list of issues with this book:
-It propagates stereotypes such as gay men having strained relationships with their fathers ("We...distance ourselves from our fathers whom we somehow knew would destroy us if he discovered our true nature.")
-The premise is that gay men are all ashamed and must overcome this shame, but not everyone faces this, especially as queerness has become more accepted.
-This book treats gayness as a monolith and effectively erases intersectional issues that gay POC face; while it's not stated in the book, I suspect that the men in interviews are all or nearly all white.
-The book oddly seems to put gay men on a pedestal over both other queer people and over straight people.
-It talks about the goal of helping gay men have a "normal life", but that normal life is very much based on heteronormative ideals. Things like having multiple sex partners are equated to not loving oneself, and rates of depression among gay men are suggested to be results of gay men not accepting themselves.
-It also reinforces the gender binary on multiple occasions, as well as reinforcing stereotypes of that binary. ("We are different from, on the one hand, women, and on the other hand, straight men. Our lives are a unique blending of testosterone and gentleness, hyper-sexuality and delicate sensuality, rugged masculinity and refined gentility.")
I don't think a book like this would be written or published today, which I suppose is a sign of progress, but it also means that we have moved on to a point where this book has become irrelevant.
-It propagates stereotypes such as gay men having strained relationships with their fathers ("We...distance ourselves from our fathers whom we somehow knew would destroy us if he discovered our true nature.")
-The premise is that gay men are all ashamed and must overcome this shame, but not everyone faces this, especially as queerness has become more accepted.
-This book treats gayness as a monolith and effectively erases intersectional issues that gay POC face; while it's not stated in the book, I suspect that the men in interviews are all or nearly all white.
-The book oddly seems to put gay men on a pedestal over both other queer people and over straight people.
-It talks about the goal of helping gay men have a "normal life", but that normal life is very much based on heteronormative ideals. Things like having multiple sex partners are equated to not loving oneself, and rates of depression among gay men are suggested to be results of gay men not accepting themselves.
-It also reinforces the gender binary on multiple occasions, as well as reinforcing stereotypes of that binary. ("We are different from, on the one hand, women, and on the other hand, straight men. Our lives are a unique blending of testosterone and gentleness, hyper-sexuality and delicate sensuality, rugged masculinity and refined gentility.")
I don't think a book like this would be written or published today, which I suppose is a sign of progress, but it also means that we have moved on to a point where this book has become irrelevant.