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A review by brennanaphone
Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo
3.0
Are there people out there who actually ship Mal and Alina? Because those seem like the kind of folks who'd like to watch oatmeal fuck.
Honestly, I think these books are trolling me. The worldbuilding is pretty good, the fantasy is fun and almost nearly dangerous, but it's like she wrote a romance and then coyly decided that she hates romance. The first book pitted the Bowl of Oatmeal against the Twilight-esque fey dude, and then made that guy the villain, because winning by default is the only way Mal is getting any purchase. Cool, that was a fun twist, even though Alina ended up with a dude who was essentially her brother, never paid any attention to her, but is now in love with her I guess.
Except in this, the second book, we get their incredibly tepid relationship (shocking), which involves--gasp--him brushing his lips against hers. Maybe one time. I feel like the bookend chapters of "the girl and the boy" stuff is supposed to make me think they're end game, that they're destined to be together but are pulled apart by forces like her superpowers and her legitimately concerning intrusive violent thoughts, and her desire to kill people and take power. But honestly, Mal is just an insufferably sulky, jealous little cup of cream of wheat with the sexual charisma of a wet wipe.
And this is where I think Bardugo is trolling me. I think she agrees with me. I think she knows these two people do not want to be in a relationship with each other, and they've confused their codependence and their shared trauma for romance. So she took the Twilight villain out of the mix and gave us Nikolai, a whole grab bag of tropes ranging from smooth-talking pirate to brilliant inventor to ambitious politician. And the thing is? I'm rooting for him to get with Alina. Not because I like Alina overly much, but because they have actual chemistry, and he doesn't make her feel guilty and anxious all the time.
Anyway, there have been like eighteen love triangles and still no one has boned down, so this is getting unacceptable. Bardugo, point me at a ship and set me a-sail.
Honestly, I think these books are trolling me. The worldbuilding is pretty good, the fantasy is fun and almost nearly dangerous, but it's like she wrote a romance and then coyly decided that she hates romance. The first book pitted the Bowl of Oatmeal against the Twilight-esque fey dude, and then made that guy the villain, because winning by default is the only way Mal is getting any purchase. Cool, that was a fun twist, even though Alina ended up with a dude who was essentially her brother, never paid any attention to her, but is now in love with her I guess.
Except in this, the second book, we get their incredibly tepid relationship (shocking), which involves--gasp--him brushing his lips against hers. Maybe one time. I feel like the bookend chapters of "the girl and the boy" stuff is supposed to make me think they're end game, that they're destined to be together but are pulled apart by forces like her superpowers and her legitimately concerning intrusive violent thoughts, and her desire to kill people and take power. But honestly, Mal is just an insufferably sulky, jealous little cup of cream of wheat with the sexual charisma of a wet wipe.
And this is where I think Bardugo is trolling me. I think she agrees with me. I think she knows these two people do not want to be in a relationship with each other, and they've confused their codependence and their shared trauma for romance. So she took the Twilight villain out of the mix and gave us Nikolai, a whole grab bag of tropes ranging from smooth-talking pirate to brilliant inventor to ambitious politician. And the thing is? I'm rooting for him to get with Alina. Not because I like Alina overly much, but because they have actual chemistry, and he doesn't make her feel guilty and anxious all the time.
Anyway, there have been like eighteen love triangles and still no one has boned down, so this is getting unacceptable. Bardugo, point me at a ship and set me a-sail.