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A review by zabcia
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline B. Cooney
2.0
45%
"She had a sense that she must hold on to her sanity, the way in a crowd in the city you held on to your purse. That it would tale both hands to stay sane."
This was not a good book.
First off, I'm not entirely certain the author has any recollection of being 3 years old, because she has some bizarre expectations of them: she expects there to be solid memories of people and events at that age (when in reality, I think at best most people remember, like, one weirdly specific smell and maybe an image burned into their retinas of a random, uncontextualized moment in time); and she thinks they have their address/phone numbers not only memorized, but are also able to put that knowledge to use. Maybe I was an exceptionally dumb child or something, because I can say that I barely have any memories from before the age of 5, and I definitely did not know my address or phone number until I was in kindergarten.
Second, the boyfriend, Reeve (what a dumb name), is a major twat and yet he is painted as being "the light of her life". This dude literally only cares about sex - which isn't that far off from a regular teenage guy - and to try and sell him as being a good boyfriend (or even a good person, to be honest) is just a hell of a reach. Girl is clearly freaking out about her situation and he's just trying to get laid. The only good thing he did was give her a ride to a few places, but it's not like he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart.
Third, Janie oscillated between calling her mom "mother" and "mommy", and it just felt off. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with one or the other, but they both have very different vibes, and I find it hard to believe that a person would willingly shift between the two in a single conversation.
Four, Janie took forever to follow-through with anything. She recognizes her picture and realizes she was kidnapped in the first 10 pages and spends the whole book describing her feelings and not actually doing very much about it. It was excruciating. You drive all the way to New Jersey, drive past the house with your birth family, and don't even go to the mall where you were kidnapped like you originally intended? Huh? You drove ALL THAT WAY to do nothing?? The section written about the traffic they were stuck in was as long as the whole drive-by sequence. I do not care about East Coast traffic. WHY are you telling me so damn much about the traffic?
Finally, "I'm lactose intolerant, but I will eat dairy anyways" is an annoying concept because it makes those of us who can't just "do it anyways" look and feel bad. If you're lactose intolerant but still consume dairy regularly, just don't claim that you are. People are out here suffering over the thing you're making jokes about.
PSA pizza has cheese and cheese is dairy. Lactose intolerant people can't eat pizza.
"They were as nervous as strangers waiting to have their teeth drilled. They drank orange juice as if it were spiked with cyanide. They buttered toast and abandoned it."
"She had no energy left, hardly even a mind. She pictured road surfaces in winter, ripped into potholes and heaves by the changing temperatures, ice one day, sunny thaw the next. Would the changing temperatures of her imagination rip through her, too? She had never seen an insane person. They don't mean to go insane, thought Janie. It happens to their surface, like freeze and thaw.
"She had a sense that she must hold on to her sanity, the way in a crowd in the city you held on to your purse. That it would tale both hands to stay sane."
This was not a good book.
First off, I'm not entirely certain the author has any recollection of being 3 years old, because she has some bizarre expectations of them: she expects there to be solid memories of people and events at that age (when in reality, I think at best most people remember, like, one weirdly specific smell and maybe an image burned into their retinas of a random, uncontextualized moment in time); and she thinks they have their address/phone numbers not only memorized, but are also able to put that knowledge to use. Maybe I was an exceptionally dumb child or something, because I can say that I barely have any memories from before the age of 5, and I definitely did not know my address or phone number until I was in kindergarten.
Second, the boyfriend, Reeve (what a dumb name), is a major twat and yet he is painted as being "the light of her life". This dude literally only cares about sex - which isn't that far off from a regular teenage guy - and to try and sell him as being a good boyfriend (or even a good person, to be honest) is just a hell of a reach. Girl is clearly freaking out about her situation and he's just trying to get laid. The only good thing he did was give her a ride to a few places, but it's not like he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart.
Third, Janie oscillated between calling her mom "mother" and "mommy", and it just felt off. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with one or the other, but they both have very different vibes, and I find it hard to believe that a person would willingly shift between the two in a single conversation.
Four, Janie took forever to follow-through with anything. She recognizes her picture and realizes she was kidnapped in the first 10 pages and spends the whole book describing her feelings and not actually doing very much about it. It was excruciating. You drive all the way to New Jersey, drive past the house with your birth family, and don't even go to the mall where you were kidnapped like you originally intended? Huh? You drove ALL THAT WAY to do nothing?? The section written about the traffic they were stuck in was as long as the whole drive-by sequence. I do not care about East Coast traffic. WHY are you telling me so damn much about the traffic?
Finally, "I'm lactose intolerant, but I will eat dairy anyways" is an annoying concept because it makes those of us who can't just "do it anyways" look and feel bad. If you're lactose intolerant but still consume dairy regularly, just don't claim that you are. People are out here suffering over the thing you're making jokes about.
PSA pizza has cheese and cheese is dairy. Lactose intolerant people can't eat pizza.
"They were as nervous as strangers waiting to have their teeth drilled. They drank orange juice as if it were spiked with cyanide. They buttered toast and abandoned it."
"She had no energy left, hardly even a mind. She pictured road surfaces in winter, ripped into potholes and heaves by the changing temperatures, ice one day, sunny thaw the next. Would the changing temperatures of her imagination rip through her, too? She had never seen an insane person. They don't mean to go insane, thought Janie. It happens to their surface, like freeze and thaw.