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A review by endlyon
You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy
4.0
A handy companion guide to becoming a street therapist.
There's quite a bit to say about this little book about listening, like how I loved the writing. The chapters are short and each spins its own narrative, overall making me feel at times that I was reading a story and not a non-fiction book. I was never bored reading it, and on an enjoyment level, it would have been a 5* book.
I was at first a bit afraid that the author would go against her own message of being a good listener. While the author does give a sense of confidence in her ability as a listener, she doesn't sound condescending doing so. I do think however, that the expectation of the reader always being a good listener is a bit optimistic. There is a chapter that acknowledges how frustrating listening can sometimes be, but I do feel there could have been a lot more said towards it. A lot of different books and articles say that to change someone's opinion you should see their side of things, but what if that side is really nasty?
Another thing I found interesting was how much ground the book covered in its brisk 17 chapters. Studies from psychology, behavioural economics, and even neuroscience popped up for topics ranging from regular hangouts with friends to child development. It doesn't feel like the studies were cherry picked, but it does feel a bit odd to have the studies come up in a largely anecdotal book. (I think that's just my science background craving an extended bibliography.) Also a personal pet peeve, but why weren't the studies annotated? It would have made referencing particular studies in the future so much easier for anyone reading it.
My largest gripe with the book is that a lot of it can feel redundant to someone who has already read books similar to it, or just has experience with this sort of thing. There isn't anything groundbreaking in here for someone who spends a good amount of time self-reflecting, even if the anecdotes are highly enjoyable reads. Somewhat misleadingly, I expected tips on being a better listener, which was not the central point of the book. So these things aren't highlighted in a nice bullet point format.
Despite these things, I still think this is a book that will do more good than harm when reading it. At worst, it offers innocently fun anecdotes from listening to others. It may not transform your life, but it offers food for thought and an appreciation for something we may not have considered before.
There's quite a bit to say about this little book about listening, like how I loved the writing. The chapters are short and each spins its own narrative, overall making me feel at times that I was reading a story and not a non-fiction book. I was never bored reading it, and on an enjoyment level, it would have been a 5* book.
I was at first a bit afraid that the author would go against her own message of being a good listener. While the author does give a sense of confidence in her ability as a listener, she doesn't sound condescending doing so. I do think however, that the expectation of the reader always being a good listener is a bit optimistic. There is a chapter that acknowledges how frustrating listening can sometimes be, but I do feel there could have been a lot more said towards it. A lot of different books and articles say that to change someone's opinion you should see their side of things, but what if that side is really nasty?
Another thing I found interesting was how much ground the book covered in its brisk 17 chapters. Studies from psychology, behavioural economics, and even neuroscience popped up for topics ranging from regular hangouts with friends to child development. It doesn't feel like the studies were cherry picked, but it does feel a bit odd to have the studies come up in a largely anecdotal book. (I think that's just my science background craving an extended bibliography.) Also a personal pet peeve, but why weren't the studies annotated? It would have made referencing particular studies in the future so much easier for anyone reading it.
My largest gripe with the book is that a lot of it can feel redundant to someone who has already read books similar to it, or just has experience with this sort of thing. There isn't anything groundbreaking in here for someone who spends a good amount of time self-reflecting, even if the anecdotes are highly enjoyable reads. Somewhat misleadingly, I expected tips on being a better listener, which was not the central point of the book. So these things aren't highlighted in a nice bullet point format.
Despite these things, I still think this is a book that will do more good than harm when reading it. At worst, it offers innocently fun anecdotes from listening to others. It may not transform your life, but it offers food for thought and an appreciation for something we may not have considered before.