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A review by james1star
If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.0
I think this book would have got a 4.5 ⭐️ rating but since finishing it and checking out some other reviews, it has come to my attention the author’s (ex) wife has made some serious allegations of sexual assault, domestic abuse, character deformation and others again not her - the link to an article from 2019 can be read here: https://thepostmillennial.com/a-bestselling-trans-authors-tweet-thread-about-abuse-goes-viral-then-came-the-allegations-of-her-own-abuse/ For this reason I have chosen to lower my rating to 3 ⭐️s. I would still recommend it but pick it up second hand, online or through the library as I wouldn’t feel comfortable promoting this author. I was initially interested in her second novel but will not be reading it. All I say next is about the book only.
If I Was Your Girl follows the story Amanda, a trans female teenager, who moved to small town southern America to live with her dad. This is just after a recent hate crime and worries from her mum, with the focus on Amanda keeping her head down, graduating and then living her life. But this is hard considering her newness attracts female friendships and attraction from the boys too. She is finally living as a girl, has a great girl gang and a boyfriend - all things she’d never have thought were possible. Interspersed is also flashbacks to different points in her life which were written well as it’s like she is actually that age. There is more to the plot but I don’t want to spoil it.
The main character Amanda was really great, she was so developed and had a lot to her, was lovable, a great friend and you truly wanted good things to come her way. In the author’s notes, Russo states she wrote her to be a very positive and rather unrealistic portrayal of a trans woman but her life isn’t not possible, it’s just an unattainable ideal for many trans people (e.g. passing, attractive, family financially capable to afford surgeries and so forth). I think this could possibly be to cater to the cisgender majority, alongside some other plot points, as this was one of the first widely distributed YA novels about a trans teen written by a trans woman where some more complexity would’ve have gone a miss. The main love interest Grant is an adorable character with many lovable personality traits and just generally a cutie. As the book goes on there is something I wasn’t that happy with but I won’t say anymore. This also goes for Bee who I absolutely loved until something as well. Ananda’s friendship with Layla, Chloe and Anna was very nice and they were written well. However, it is hard to mention all that much about them except their ‘tokenism’ being the fashionista I guess but kinda forgettable one, gay one and religious one respectively. That being said, as a group they were good.
In terms of writing, I think this was done well. It’s nothing amazing but there are some well curated parts, three quotes are at the end. The messages are good I’d say as well, it’s hard to read at times with a sense of ‘queer shame’ being a prevalent motif like other books. But there is a very hopefully element to it as well. I think this was good at laying some of the groundwork for other trans books to grow upon, catered to a cisgender audience still but I’m guessing would be great for transgender people to read a story like this when there wasn’t many. In 2023 I would say it’s aged slightly, not being the first choice for a trans contemporary but 7 years ago, it would have been a vital resource for many. There are many trigger warnings in this novel with quite a few difficulty passages as well, focusing on transphobic and homophobic rhetoric, hate crimes, bullying, suicide and others. It’s not a bombardment in a ‘torture p*orn’ way and in many ways it’s a realistic portrayal of such incidents but yes it can be an emotional one - I did end up shedding a few tears. I cannot speak for trans people as a 23 year old half-out gay male-presenting (I don’t really know my gender identity for sure but right now I’m comfortable being labelled cisgender) person, but I would think young closeted trans girls and boys might find particular points more distressing but hopefully uplifting too.
Overall, this was definitely quite a difficult book to get my head around in terms of reviewing it. I think it is good and would recommend but do take into consideration the TWs, it’s a rather up and down storyline too but Yhh… I don’t want to give away any spoilers.
Quotes:
‘Bodies pressed and swirled around me, but I didn't mind. I always avoided crowds instinctively, but tonight the crush of bodies actually felt comforting. Dancing with a boy for the first time in my entire life, I felt like a part of the people around me, like another cell in a healthy body instead of a hidden disease.’
‘I wished I could walk up into the sky and live on some distant planet, far away from the things I was afraid of. I wondered if joy could ever be felt by itself without being tainted with fear and confusion, or if some level of misery was a universal constant, like the speed of light.’
‘felt myself in my own body being loved and accepted, and it felt so good it was almost surreal. This wasn’t my life. This couldn’t be my life. Things like this did not happen to girls like me.’
If I Was Your Girl follows the story Amanda, a trans female teenager, who moved to small town southern America to live with her dad. This is just after a recent hate crime and worries from her mum, with the focus on Amanda keeping her head down, graduating and then living her life. But this is hard considering her newness attracts female friendships and attraction from the boys too. She is finally living as a girl, has a great girl gang and a boyfriend - all things she’d never have thought were possible. Interspersed is also flashbacks to different points in her life which were written well as it’s like she is actually that age. There is more to the plot but I don’t want to spoil it.
The main character Amanda was really great, she was so developed and had a lot to her, was lovable, a great friend and you truly wanted good things to come her way. In the author’s notes, Russo states she wrote her to be a very positive and rather unrealistic portrayal of a trans woman but her life isn’t not possible, it’s just an unattainable ideal for many trans people (e.g. passing, attractive, family financially capable to afford surgeries and so forth). I think this could possibly be to cater to the cisgender majority, alongside some other plot points, as this was one of the first widely distributed YA novels about a trans teen written by a trans woman where some more complexity would’ve have gone a miss. The main love interest Grant is an adorable character with many lovable personality traits and just generally a cutie. As the book goes on there is something I wasn’t that happy with but I won’t say anymore. This also goes for Bee who I absolutely loved until something as well. Ananda’s friendship with Layla, Chloe and Anna was very nice and they were written well. However, it is hard to mention all that much about them except their ‘tokenism’ being the fashionista I guess but kinda forgettable one, gay one and religious one respectively. That being said, as a group they were good.
In terms of writing, I think this was done well. It’s nothing amazing but there are some well curated parts, three quotes are at the end. The messages are good I’d say as well, it’s hard to read at times with a sense of ‘queer shame’ being a prevalent motif like other books. But there is a very hopefully element to it as well. I think this was good at laying some of the groundwork for other trans books to grow upon, catered to a cisgender audience still but I’m guessing would be great for transgender people to read a story like this when there wasn’t many. In 2023 I would say it’s aged slightly, not being the first choice for a trans contemporary but 7 years ago, it would have been a vital resource for many. There are many trigger warnings in this novel with quite a few difficulty passages as well, focusing on transphobic and homophobic rhetoric, hate crimes, bullying, suicide and others. It’s not a bombardment in a ‘torture p*orn’ way and in many ways it’s a realistic portrayal of such incidents but yes it can be an emotional one - I did end up shedding a few tears. I cannot speak for trans people as a 23 year old half-out gay male-presenting (I don’t really know my gender identity for sure but right now I’m comfortable being labelled cisgender) person, but I would think young closeted trans girls and boys might find particular points more distressing but hopefully uplifting too.
Overall, this was definitely quite a difficult book to get my head around in terms of reviewing it. I think it is good and would recommend but do take into consideration the TWs, it’s a rather up and down storyline too but Yhh… I don’t want to give away any spoilers.
Quotes:
‘Bodies pressed and swirled around me, but I didn't mind. I always avoided crowds instinctively, but tonight the crush of bodies actually felt comforting. Dancing with a boy for the first time in my entire life, I felt like a part of the people around me, like another cell in a healthy body instead of a hidden disease.’
‘I wished I could walk up into the sky and live on some distant planet, far away from the things I was afraid of. I wondered if joy could ever be felt by itself without being tainted with fear and confusion, or if some level of misery was a universal constant, like the speed of light.’
‘felt myself in my own body being loved and accepted, and it felt so good it was almost surreal. This wasn’t my life. This couldn’t be my life. Things like this did not happen to girls like me.’
Content Warnings
Graphic: Bullying, Hate crime, Homophobia, Transphobia, and Suicide attempt
Moderate: Sexual assault, Suicide, Lesbophobia, and Outing
Minor: Alcoholism, Deadnaming, Domestic abuse, Drug use, Rape, and Religious bigotry