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A review by trike
Superman: The Rebirth Deluxe Edition Book 1 by Peter J. Tomasi, Patrick Gleason
2.0
This was... okay, I guess? But also pretty stupid. I’m a bit confused — did DC reboot their universe YET AGAIN? WTF is up with these guys? Hey DC, have you heard that saying, “Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is the definition of insanity”?
You know what? I’m going to spoil this one, so
SPOILER ALERT — SPOILER ALERT — SPOILER ALERT
So, okay, despite this being a big ol’ #1, we apparently join this story already in progress. The beginning is front-loaded with an expository infodump about how Superman is watching Superman without getting involved, but then Superman fights, erm, The Human Torch, I think, so Superman helps out, except Superman is killed so Superman steps in to become Superman.
But this watching Superman is wearing the black suit from the Superman of the 1980s, and he tells Lana Lang (who we will never see again, because she’s just an audience stand-in to be talked at)... sorry, Superman tells Lana all about how he fought Doomsday and died, then rose again on the third day and that’s why we have chocolate bunnies delivering eggs at Easter. That last part isn’t in here but it might as well be because it makes about as much sense as anything else in this story.
Superman says he’s waiting for Superman to come back from the dead the way he did, but they make it very clear that this fireman guy INCINERATED Superman. Lana even carries his ashes in an urn. Even for a nutso superhero fantasy, how is that a resurrectable corpse? Yet they are surprised when it doesn’t work.
Superman then decides that the world needs a Superman, so he starts Supermanning again. Fine.
But here’s my question: is this Superman from the past of an alternate universe? Because he’s extremely very similar to the Superman we knew back in the day, except this guy is married to Lois Lane and they have a son named Jon. I freely admit I didn’t keep up with Superman back then, but I don’t recall there being a kid.
I thought they did away with parallel Earths, but since there is an Earth 2 comic running, I guess those are back now, too?
So anyway, this appears to be yet another soft reboot, since this universe has holdovers from the previous universe. Again. Does no one at DC have a dictionary which can explain to them what “reboot” means? This is the same stupid problem the New 52 had.
All right, so nevermind all that corporate we-must-make-changes-but-not-too-many-changes-because-we-killed-sales garbage, let’s look at the stories themselves.
So the first arc deals with Superman deciding to take up the mantle again. We know he will; he’s Superman. There’s a bunch of stuff with young Jon, who has uncontrollable power flare-ups due to being just a kid. In one scene the family cat is nabbed by a hawk, and Jon uses his heat vision to blast the bird... and vaporize the cat. This is straight out of Straczynski’s excellent reboot of the Squadron Supreme ([b:Supreme Power: Hyperion|3940|Supreme Power Hyperion|J. Michael Straczynski|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320641701s/3940.jpg|7663]), where a very young Hyperion accidentally vaporizes a puppy given to him. That scene worked there because it was a gritty take on those heroes, but here the cat incineration is a bit much. Tonally it doesn’t fit the book. Plus, you know, ripoff.
Superman teaches Jon, there’s a fight with a giant octopus, people aren’t sure whether to trust this new Superman, yadda yadda. It’s all very surface level, and you don’t feel like anyone is actually going to distrust this guy. I mean, he looks and acts exactly like the old guy, so.
Somehow the guy who killed Superman gets bits of Jon’s blood from the octo fight and invades the Fortress of Solitude, where Superman and Lois bring Jon after he bumps his head, and he is revealed to be none other than THE ERADICATOR!
Who?
Yeah, me neither, man.
Turns out this guy is a robot built by Zod to kill his enemies by sucking out their lifeforce and sending it into the Phantom Zone while their bodies await trial. Except the souls of the Kryptonians are also inside the Eradicator, powering him. And his robot body transformed into a nondescript humanoid body when Krypton exploded because reasons. Also there were a lot of him. So he’s sort of like Braniac and sort of like Bizarro, which makes about as much sense as anything else here.
Superman takes the battle to Batman’s batcave on the dark side of the moon (which is literally dark in this universe, because fuck science, man), and the Eradicator eats Krypto. Oh, did I forget to mention Krypto the Superdog suddenly shows up out of nowhere? Yeah, he’s here. Then the Eradicator eats Superman, who explains to the Kryptonian ghosts in Raddie’s belly (I’m assuming) that they need to fight Raddie.
Meanwhile, outside in the cave, Lois manages to don some giant batarmor (we’re even treated to a shot of her a la Iron Man from the Marvel movies) and starts fighting The ‘Cator. Now, this being Batman’s moonhouse, you’d think he’d have some protocols in place to keep people from just stealing his stuff. Smartest guy in the world who is always three steps ahead of everyone, yet doesn’t use the thumbprint technology we have to keep anyone else from looking at our phones... sure, dude.
So anyway, the Eradicator, who apparently sucks souls out of people’s bodies also bodily consumes entire people, despite those two things being mutually exclusive, and those souls now possess Superman, giving him the power to escape from Er’s tummy and become full size again, just in time to save Lois and Jon.
It clearly states he only has 10% power, yet he’s standing toe-to-toe with a supercharged Superman, which causes me to ask the question: how did Superman stand against him in the first place when he was at 40,000% power?
None. Of. This. Makes. Sense.
Superhero stories are inherently silly, but you need to have *some* internal consistency FFS.
Raddie says that one Kryptonian soul still resides within, so Superman yells, “Krypto, heel!” And the superdog tears himself from inside the roboman. Easy win. Kryptonian souls fly off into space. Superman rights the fallen American flag and lunar lander, which everyone on Earth sees. Superman gets a medal. Yay!
Which would have been a cool moment except for all the goofiness that went before it.
Other adventures in this book include Jon building a flying saucer model that somehow connects to the Kryptonian crystals, thus transporting the two guys and the dog to Skull Island where they fight dinosaurs and an albino Gorilla Grodd. I mean, it’s not actually Skull Island, but it’s pretty clearly the same sort of place, complete with impenetrable fog that Superman can’t get out of. It also transports them back in time, I guess, because they find the remains of WWII soldiers and their tanks, boats and planes. Not to mention a soldier still living on the island. Since the guy looks to be no more than 50 years old, this must be somewhere around 1972.
Which is when the events of the movie Kong: Skull Island take place. Hmm.
So either this place has magical age-retardation powers or it’s in the past, or maybe some other explanation entirely. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, since this is no more ridiculous than the other arcs in this book.
Krypto gets swallowed by a pteranodon, which leads to the one amusing line of this whole series: “What is with you getting eaten all the time?” Which was exactly the question I asked the page before.
We also get the son of Batman teaming up with the son of Superman, which was honestly the best part of this book. I see that this is also an ongoing series, and that has promise — provided it’s not written by these guys, because we really need someone who understand basic storytelling to write these.
Preferably by someone who hasn’t taken the dictum of “save the dog, kill the cat” as the core of their yarn spinning.
You know what? I’m going to spoil this one, so
SPOILER ALERT — SPOILER ALERT — SPOILER ALERT
So, okay, despite this being a big ol’ #1, we apparently join this story already in progress. The beginning is front-loaded with an expository infodump about how Superman is watching Superman without getting involved, but then Superman fights, erm, The Human Torch, I think, so Superman helps out, except Superman is killed so Superman steps in to become Superman.
But this watching Superman is wearing the black suit from the Superman of the 1980s, and he tells Lana Lang (who we will never see again, because she’s just an audience stand-in to be talked at)... sorry, Superman tells Lana all about how he fought Doomsday and died, then rose again on the third day and that’s why we have chocolate bunnies delivering eggs at Easter. That last part isn’t in here but it might as well be because it makes about as much sense as anything else in this story.
Superman says he’s waiting for Superman to come back from the dead the way he did, but they make it very clear that this fireman guy INCINERATED Superman. Lana even carries his ashes in an urn. Even for a nutso superhero fantasy, how is that a resurrectable corpse? Yet they are surprised when it doesn’t work.
Superman then decides that the world needs a Superman, so he starts Supermanning again. Fine.
But here’s my question: is this Superman from the past of an alternate universe? Because he’s extremely very similar to the Superman we knew back in the day, except this guy is married to Lois Lane and they have a son named Jon. I freely admit I didn’t keep up with Superman back then, but I don’t recall there being a kid.
I thought they did away with parallel Earths, but since there is an Earth 2 comic running, I guess those are back now, too?
So anyway, this appears to be yet another soft reboot, since this universe has holdovers from the previous universe. Again. Does no one at DC have a dictionary which can explain to them what “reboot” means? This is the same stupid problem the New 52 had.
All right, so nevermind all that corporate we-must-make-changes-but-not-too-many-changes-because-we-killed-sales garbage, let’s look at the stories themselves.
So the first arc deals with Superman deciding to take up the mantle again. We know he will; he’s Superman. There’s a bunch of stuff with young Jon, who has uncontrollable power flare-ups due to being just a kid. In one scene the family cat is nabbed by a hawk, and Jon uses his heat vision to blast the bird... and vaporize the cat. This is straight out of Straczynski’s excellent reboot of the Squadron Supreme ([b:Supreme Power: Hyperion|3940|Supreme Power Hyperion|J. Michael Straczynski|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320641701s/3940.jpg|7663]), where a very young Hyperion accidentally vaporizes a puppy given to him. That scene worked there because it was a gritty take on those heroes, but here the cat incineration is a bit much. Tonally it doesn’t fit the book. Plus, you know, ripoff.
Superman teaches Jon, there’s a fight with a giant octopus, people aren’t sure whether to trust this new Superman, yadda yadda. It’s all very surface level, and you don’t feel like anyone is actually going to distrust this guy. I mean, he looks and acts exactly like the old guy, so.
Somehow the guy who killed Superman gets bits of Jon’s blood from the octo fight and invades the Fortress of Solitude, where Superman and Lois bring Jon after he bumps his head, and he is revealed to be none other than THE ERADICATOR!
Who?
Yeah, me neither, man.
Turns out this guy is a robot built by Zod to kill his enemies by sucking out their lifeforce and sending it into the Phantom Zone while their bodies await trial. Except the souls of the Kryptonians are also inside the Eradicator, powering him. And his robot body transformed into a nondescript humanoid body when Krypton exploded because reasons. Also there were a lot of him. So he’s sort of like Braniac and sort of like Bizarro, which makes about as much sense as anything else here.
Superman takes the battle to Batman’s batcave on the dark side of the moon (which is literally dark in this universe, because fuck science, man), and the Eradicator eats Krypto. Oh, did I forget to mention Krypto the Superdog suddenly shows up out of nowhere? Yeah, he’s here. Then the Eradicator eats Superman, who explains to the Kryptonian ghosts in Raddie’s belly (I’m assuming) that they need to fight Raddie.
Meanwhile, outside in the cave, Lois manages to don some giant batarmor (we’re even treated to a shot of her a la Iron Man from the Marvel movies) and starts fighting The ‘Cator. Now, this being Batman’s moonhouse, you’d think he’d have some protocols in place to keep people from just stealing his stuff. Smartest guy in the world who is always three steps ahead of everyone, yet doesn’t use the thumbprint technology we have to keep anyone else from looking at our phones... sure, dude.
So anyway, the Eradicator, who apparently sucks souls out of people’s bodies also bodily consumes entire people, despite those two things being mutually exclusive, and those souls now possess Superman, giving him the power to escape from Er’s tummy and become full size again, just in time to save Lois and Jon.
It clearly states he only has 10% power, yet he’s standing toe-to-toe with a supercharged Superman, which causes me to ask the question: how did Superman stand against him in the first place when he was at 40,000% power?
None. Of. This. Makes. Sense.
Superhero stories are inherently silly, but you need to have *some* internal consistency FFS.
Raddie says that one Kryptonian soul still resides within, so Superman yells, “Krypto, heel!” And the superdog tears himself from inside the roboman. Easy win. Kryptonian souls fly off into space. Superman rights the fallen American flag and lunar lander, which everyone on Earth sees. Superman gets a medal. Yay!
Which would have been a cool moment except for all the goofiness that went before it.
Other adventures in this book include Jon building a flying saucer model that somehow connects to the Kryptonian crystals, thus transporting the two guys and the dog to Skull Island where they fight dinosaurs and an albino Gorilla Grodd. I mean, it’s not actually Skull Island, but it’s pretty clearly the same sort of place, complete with impenetrable fog that Superman can’t get out of. It also transports them back in time, I guess, because they find the remains of WWII soldiers and their tanks, boats and planes. Not to mention a soldier still living on the island. Since the guy looks to be no more than 50 years old, this must be somewhere around 1972.
Which is when the events of the movie Kong: Skull Island take place. Hmm.
So either this place has magical age-retardation powers or it’s in the past, or maybe some other explanation entirely. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, since this is no more ridiculous than the other arcs in this book.
Krypto gets swallowed by a pteranodon, which leads to the one amusing line of this whole series: “What is with you getting eaten all the time?” Which was exactly the question I asked the page before.
We also get the son of Batman teaming up with the son of Superman, which was honestly the best part of this book. I see that this is also an ongoing series, and that has promise — provided it’s not written by these guys, because we really need someone who understand basic storytelling to write these.
Preferably by someone who hasn’t taken the dictum of “save the dog, kill the cat” as the core of their yarn spinning.