A review by kaiyakaiyo
Patricia Wants to Cuddle by Samantha Allen
dark
mysterious
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
2.0
this was a fun lead-up, but the end really lost me i can’t lie.
I was promised Bigfoot lesbian extravaganza & just got some sort of
the sparse Bigfoot teases amounted to an explosion (for lack of a better word) of very stilted action towards the end, and Renee made… so little sense. maybe this is what people mean when they say “cult leaders would love you” about a person but she was just a cardboard cut out of a character until suddenly she’s worshipping Bigfoot with boobs? her motivations made no sense and none of her actions seemed to match the others. her coming to a bi realization seemed promising, until it was completely lost in the Bigfoot worship?
I’m not sure if it was supposed to be funny but this book is actually really bleak in a not fun way. A bunch of (superficial) people, mostly young women, die brutal, awful deaths & it’s kinda just like… anyways, here’s lesbians who kill for Bigfoot, no elaboration!!!!! if this was going for “queer revenge plot”, it definitely got lost on the way there and landed in “sickos that happen to be lesbians obsessed with ape lady for some reason target young women tourists”. horror for horrors sake is fine ig but that’s not what i walked into this expecting.
also I’m just not a fan of “mean/superficial people die” media. rapists, racists, murderers, bigots, fine, but these are just girls with DEEP internal misogyny that go at other girls for insta followers… was this supposed to be some sort of overblown “karma”? some potshot at ~what they represent~? I really don’t know what to take from this. It kinda just feels like relatively innocent women were fed to a monster and the cult recruited another sicko to help. hooray? the production company making money off their deaths was maybe the only part of this that felt like realistic commentary, the rest is just ?????
Jeremy was a sleaze so not much pity there but frankly the host was just a sad drunk? Casey was a nerd stuck in high school mode & thought herself better than the contestants while being equally mercenary & obsessed with “getting ahead” of other women, but at least she was interesting. hated her guts but killing her off so soon was a complete waste. she had final girl potential if that was even a thing in this book. Mike getting framed was. unnecessary? the execution of this just felt like a low budget scary movie, the deaths were overly gruesome yet entirely devoid of meaning. they all died & Renee became an accomplice for… what? you can’t even say love bc frankly she didn’t seem to have that emotion. belonging maybe? even that feels too warm for her cold character. she faked this huge crush on Amanda even to herself, just to be completely unimpaired by her death? I am at such a loss to describe how nonsensical this book became
Don’t even get me started on the random love letters. I would find them lovely in a Lose The Time War way if they added literally anything to the book, but they don’t… am I supposed to go “Aw star-crossed lesbians with a happy ending” when said happy ending is killing young women? again this book just baffles me
Also the blogs from the missing sister???? cool at first but ultimately ?????
I picked this up in hopes of reading some Halloween month gayness & instead im just like. none of this made sense, these people are all terrible, & the worst ones didn’t even die. boo tomatoes
I was promised Bigfoot lesbian extravaganza & just got some sort of
Spoiler
sad, predatory cult tenuously tied to outdoorsy lesbians?the sparse Bigfoot teases amounted to an explosion (for lack of a better word) of very stilted action towards the end, and Renee made… so little sense. maybe this is what people mean when they say “cult leaders would love you” about a person but she was just a cardboard cut out of a character until suddenly she’s worshipping Bigfoot with boobs? her motivations made no sense and none of her actions seemed to match the others. her coming to a bi realization seemed promising, until it was completely lost in the Bigfoot worship?
I’m not sure if it was supposed to be funny but this book is actually really bleak in a not fun way. A bunch of (superficial) people, mostly young women, die brutal, awful deaths & it’s kinda just like… anyways, here’s lesbians who kill for Bigfoot, no elaboration!!!!! if this was going for “queer revenge plot”, it definitely got lost on the way there and landed in “sickos that happen to be lesbians obsessed with ape lady for some reason target young women tourists”. horror for horrors sake is fine ig but that’s not what i walked into this expecting.
also I’m just not a fan of “mean/superficial people die” media. rapists, racists, murderers, bigots, fine, but these are just girls with DEEP internal misogyny that go at other girls for insta followers… was this supposed to be some sort of overblown “karma”? some potshot at ~what they represent~? I really don’t know what to take from this. It kinda just feels like relatively innocent women were fed to a monster and the cult recruited another sicko to help. hooray? the production company making money off their deaths was maybe the only part of this that felt like realistic commentary, the rest is just ?????
Jeremy was a sleaze so not much pity there but frankly the host was just a sad drunk? Casey was a nerd stuck in high school mode & thought herself better than the contestants while being equally mercenary & obsessed with “getting ahead” of other women, but at least she was interesting. hated her guts but killing her off so soon was a complete waste. she had final girl potential if that was even a thing in this book. Mike getting framed was. unnecessary? the execution of this just felt like a low budget scary movie, the deaths were overly gruesome yet entirely devoid of meaning. they all died & Renee became an accomplice for… what? you can’t even say love bc frankly she didn’t seem to have that emotion. belonging maybe? even that feels too warm for her cold character. she faked this huge crush on Amanda even to herself, just to be completely unimpaired by her death? I am at such a loss to describe how nonsensical this book became
Don’t even get me started on the random love letters. I would find them lovely in a Lose The Time War way if they added literally anything to the book, but they don’t… am I supposed to go “Aw star-crossed lesbians with a happy ending” when said happy ending is killing young women? again this book just baffles me
Also the blogs from the missing sister???? cool at first but ultimately ?????
I picked this up in hopes of reading some Halloween month gayness & instead im just like. none of this made sense, these people are all terrible, & the worst ones didn’t even die. boo tomatoes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Injury/Injury detail, Death, Gore, and Murder
Moderate: Homophobia, Lesbophobia, and Misogyny
Minor: Racism and Suicidal thoughts