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A review by mcoussens
Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Sara Laschever, Linda Babcock
5.0
I found this book very helpful and took a lot of notes. Here are some of them:
• “In many industries, and in offices of every size, businesses have become less bureaucratic, levels of hierarchy have become fewer and flatter, and job responsibilities and lines of report have become less formalized. Management styles have become less ‘top-down’, less ‘command-and-control’. Traditional job ladders have given way to more diffuse organizational structures and new business models seem to emerge daily. Employees, as a result, often find themselves with few hard-and-fast rules to follow about how things are run. Many organizations are also making increasing use of ‘idiosyncratic deals’ (called I-deals). I-deals are customized employment contracts designed to meet the individual needs of employees. They can allow varying degrees of flexibility in travel requirements, hours worked, or rates of skill development for different people doing the same job. They make more elements of an employee’s work life negotiable” (p. x).
• “The phenomenon that Faye Crosby has called ‘the denial of personal disadvantage’ also contributes to the social costs we all pay for underestimating the value of women’s work and time. Since, as Crosby has shown, ‘people typically imagine themselves to be exempt from the injustices that they can recognize as affecting their membership or reference groups,’ a woman may see that other women earn lower salaries than comparable men and yet believe herself to be exempt from this problem. This is unfortunate for several reasons, First, at a personal level, because this woman doesn’t recognize the reality of her situation, she may take no action to fight it. Second, at a broader societal level, people are more likely to push for changes in which they have a personal stake—changes form which they themselves will benefit. The longer women labor under the misapprehension that they personally are doing okay, the longer it will take for the system as a whole to adjust this fundamental and counterproductive inequity” (p. 56).
• “The power of what John Jost calls ‘gender socialization practices’ to convince women of ‘the legitimacy of their own inferiority’ also manifests itself in what has been termed ‘the imposter syndrome.’” (p. 77).
• “it has been demonstrated that expectations and stereotypes can subconsciously influence a person’s behavior even when those stereotypes are not embraced or internalized. An area of research termed ‘stereotype threat’ pioneered by the psychologist Claude Steele and his colleagues has shown that merely ‘activating’ a stereotype by asking about it—that is eliciting the information that someone belongs to a particular group—can have a significant impact on that person’s behavior” (p. 79).
• “even if a woman believes that society’s gender-role requirements are inappropriate and even offensive, the mere knowledge that these beliefs are held by others may be enough to influence her behavior” (p. 81).
• “behavior characterized as simply assertive and self-confident, such as speaking without the use of disclaimers, tag questions (‘don’t you agree’), and hedges (‘I’m not sure this will work, but it might be worth trying’). It can be true of simply disagreeing with another person as well—we accept this behavior from a man much ore readily than we do from a woman… when women stray—or stride—across those boundaries they face penalties (what so-called scientists call ‘social sanctions’) for violating society’s expectations for their behavior. These penalties can range from resentment for ‘acting like men’ to a devaluing of their skills and job effectiveness to outright hostility and censure” (p. 86).
• “the higher a woman rises in an organization, the more likely she is to encounter stereotyped responses to her behavior—because there don’t tend to be many women at the higher levels of most organizations” (p. 92).
• “To be ‘nice’, a woman must seem friendly, act concerned about the needs and feelings of others, and avoid being confrontational” (p. 105).
• “Research has shown that a ‘lifting of sanctions’ begins to occur when the percentage of women in a particular environment reaches about 15 percent; when 35 to 40 percent of the people in a given environment are women, the range of behaviors allowed to women widens considerable and the environment can actually become quite hospitable to women… [when entertaining a job at a different company] ask how you will be evaluated” (p. 109).
• “Psychologists define a self-schema as your internal sense of who you are and what you’re like—an interior self-portrait made up of how you perceive the world around you—it provides a ‘filter’ through which you process information, understand events, and organize your memories. It is also a prime motivator of your behavior… People with independent self-schemas… define themselves in terms of their distinction from others and pay less attention to the impact of their actions on the people around them. They focus on promoting their personal preferences and goals and seek out relationships that tend to be more instrumental than intimate, more numerous, and less personally binding. People with interdependent self-schemas, in contrast, define themselves in terms of their connections to others—‘relationships are viewed as integral parts of the person’s very being’. They see their actions in terms of how they will influence people around them, and one of their primary goals is to develop strong relationships and protect them” (p. 118).
• “Social scientists have identified two principal types of networks: ‘instrumental’ networks and ‘friendship’ networks. ‘Instrumental’ networks are based on exchanges of advice and information and on a readiness to help each other out, whereas ‘friendship’ networks have a more social function” (p. 152).
• “Integrative tactics (asking questions, listening, sharing information, and trying to find solutions that satisfy the needs of both sides) differ dramatically from the competitive tactics (staking out extreme positions, bluffing, resisting concessions) that can be effective in classic distributive (one-issue) negotiations” (p. 167).
• “In many industries, and in offices of every size, businesses have become less bureaucratic, levels of hierarchy have become fewer and flatter, and job responsibilities and lines of report have become less formalized. Management styles have become less ‘top-down’, less ‘command-and-control’. Traditional job ladders have given way to more diffuse organizational structures and new business models seem to emerge daily. Employees, as a result, often find themselves with few hard-and-fast rules to follow about how things are run. Many organizations are also making increasing use of ‘idiosyncratic deals’ (called I-deals). I-deals are customized employment contracts designed to meet the individual needs of employees. They can allow varying degrees of flexibility in travel requirements, hours worked, or rates of skill development for different people doing the same job. They make more elements of an employee’s work life negotiable” (p. x).
• “The phenomenon that Faye Crosby has called ‘the denial of personal disadvantage’ also contributes to the social costs we all pay for underestimating the value of women’s work and time. Since, as Crosby has shown, ‘people typically imagine themselves to be exempt from the injustices that they can recognize as affecting their membership or reference groups,’ a woman may see that other women earn lower salaries than comparable men and yet believe herself to be exempt from this problem. This is unfortunate for several reasons, First, at a personal level, because this woman doesn’t recognize the reality of her situation, she may take no action to fight it. Second, at a broader societal level, people are more likely to push for changes in which they have a personal stake—changes form which they themselves will benefit. The longer women labor under the misapprehension that they personally are doing okay, the longer it will take for the system as a whole to adjust this fundamental and counterproductive inequity” (p. 56).
• “The power of what John Jost calls ‘gender socialization practices’ to convince women of ‘the legitimacy of their own inferiority’ also manifests itself in what has been termed ‘the imposter syndrome.’” (p. 77).
• “it has been demonstrated that expectations and stereotypes can subconsciously influence a person’s behavior even when those stereotypes are not embraced or internalized. An area of research termed ‘stereotype threat’ pioneered by the psychologist Claude Steele and his colleagues has shown that merely ‘activating’ a stereotype by asking about it—that is eliciting the information that someone belongs to a particular group—can have a significant impact on that person’s behavior” (p. 79).
• “even if a woman believes that society’s gender-role requirements are inappropriate and even offensive, the mere knowledge that these beliefs are held by others may be enough to influence her behavior” (p. 81).
• “behavior characterized as simply assertive and self-confident, such as speaking without the use of disclaimers, tag questions (‘don’t you agree’), and hedges (‘I’m not sure this will work, but it might be worth trying’). It can be true of simply disagreeing with another person as well—we accept this behavior from a man much ore readily than we do from a woman… when women stray—or stride—across those boundaries they face penalties (what so-called scientists call ‘social sanctions’) for violating society’s expectations for their behavior. These penalties can range from resentment for ‘acting like men’ to a devaluing of their skills and job effectiveness to outright hostility and censure” (p. 86).
• “the higher a woman rises in an organization, the more likely she is to encounter stereotyped responses to her behavior—because there don’t tend to be many women at the higher levels of most organizations” (p. 92).
• “To be ‘nice’, a woman must seem friendly, act concerned about the needs and feelings of others, and avoid being confrontational” (p. 105).
• “Research has shown that a ‘lifting of sanctions’ begins to occur when the percentage of women in a particular environment reaches about 15 percent; when 35 to 40 percent of the people in a given environment are women, the range of behaviors allowed to women widens considerable and the environment can actually become quite hospitable to women… [when entertaining a job at a different company] ask how you will be evaluated” (p. 109).
• “Psychologists define a self-schema as your internal sense of who you are and what you’re like—an interior self-portrait made up of how you perceive the world around you—it provides a ‘filter’ through which you process information, understand events, and organize your memories. It is also a prime motivator of your behavior… People with independent self-schemas… define themselves in terms of their distinction from others and pay less attention to the impact of their actions on the people around them. They focus on promoting their personal preferences and goals and seek out relationships that tend to be more instrumental than intimate, more numerous, and less personally binding. People with interdependent self-schemas, in contrast, define themselves in terms of their connections to others—‘relationships are viewed as integral parts of the person’s very being’. They see their actions in terms of how they will influence people around them, and one of their primary goals is to develop strong relationships and protect them” (p. 118).
• “Social scientists have identified two principal types of networks: ‘instrumental’ networks and ‘friendship’ networks. ‘Instrumental’ networks are based on exchanges of advice and information and on a readiness to help each other out, whereas ‘friendship’ networks have a more social function” (p. 152).
• “Integrative tactics (asking questions, listening, sharing information, and trying to find solutions that satisfy the needs of both sides) differ dramatically from the competitive tactics (staking out extreme positions, bluffing, resisting concessions) that can be effective in classic distributive (one-issue) negotiations” (p. 167).